The 4 Laws of Love: Ditch Your Parents? - 200

Celebrating our 200th episode is truly a milestone worth cherishing, and what better way to commemorate it than with my special guest—my beautiful wife! We reminisce about the journey I've undertaken over the past four years on Connecting the Gap while launching a new marriage series, "The 4 Laws of Love." This series promises to offer real-world insights and heartfelt guidance for couples, whether newlyweds navigating the early stages of marriage or those facing long-standing challenges, all while centering God in our conversation.

Marriage is a divine covenant that mirrors the relationship between Christ and the church, and in this episode, we unravel what it means to honor that sacred bond. Using Genesis 2:24 as our compass, we discuss the imperative of leaving one's parents to forge a new family. We also shine a light on the critical role of mentors and the impact of cultural traditions that welcome and affirm the union of newlyweds. Our conversation doesn't shy away from the reality of marital facades and the necessity for transparency, unity, and commitment, essential for building a marriage that aligns with spiritual beliefs.

Setting healthy boundaries not only strengthens marital bonds but also respects the roles of parents. We tackle the challenge of balancing parental respect with the primacy of marriage, addressing how excessive involvement can strain relationships. From prioritizing the marital relationship over distractions like social media to encouraging regular date nights without phones, we underscore the importance of communication and prioritization. Join us as we reflect on personal stories, learning from past divorces, and share how maintaining a balanced relationship can help break the generational cycle of divorce, ultimately spreading hope and restoration to others.

Visit our website for more information about our ministry. Please share this with someone you think might benefit from this series. We pray that you have a blessed week!

Chapters

• 0:02 God's Laws of Love in Marriage
• 14:44 The Command to Leave
• 27:17 Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Marriage
• 31:18 Prioritizing Marriage Over Parental Interference
• 44:19 Prioritizing Marriage Over Other Commitments
• 51:36 Marriage Support Podcast Announcement

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:02

We also know that by respecting and honoring our parents there is a promise for that. You know the Bible tells us, in Matthew for instance, that we will have a long life. And you know, I've read that scripture a few times and thought I might make it till I'm 60. Because, you know, I was the greatest child sometimes when I grew up and didn't honor my parents as much as I probably should have. So I always hope that God's not keeping those little check marks up there.

Michelle Moore: 0:30

I'm going to be the one living to 100 because I was daddy's girl and did no wrong. So just leave it to my brothers, and they're the ones that got in trouble.

Daniel Moore: 0:40

This week on Connecting the Gap, we start our first episode of our series on the four laws of love. We're going to come back here in just a moment and get started into that right after this, and moving in. It'd be nice to live together In the kind of world where we belong. Welcome to Connecting the Gap. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. Thank you guys once again for joining us this week.

Daniel Moore: 1:40

If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet. All of our platforms are there our YouTube and Rumble links. We're also on the podcasting app, edify, and you can also visit us on social at facebookcom. Forward slash ctgap online. If you're a fan of the show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms. Give us a thumbs up, a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. We're eternally grateful to you guys for doing that. And this week we have a reason to celebrate this is episode 200. It's hard to believe that. So I got a question Back when I started this podcast almost four years ago. Did you think I'd ever make it to 200? Be honest with me.

Michelle Moore: 2:27

Actually, yeah, I did, because once you set your mind to it and God slated on your heart, you're going to do it full force.

Daniel Moore: 2:33

So, yes, Well, good, I'm glad my wife's got faith in me. Yes, but it is hard to believe and I want to thank all you guys. If any of you have been listening since the very beginning I don't know if any of you have or not, but if you have, thank you for sticking with us here each week as we put out a new episode, and I guess it's kind of awesome that my 200th episode has my wife on it, so that kind of worked out. I never didn't really plan that, but that's just the way that that worked out. But I just kind of wanted to say something a little bit about that. So it's kind of a celebration episode. I guess that's a milestone.

Daniel Moore: 3:10

Doing it once a week is a lot, but we've pushed through and God's blessed it. He's helped me with all the different episodes that I've put out over the last almost four years now. It's hard to believe Even myself when I sit there and think about it. It's hard to believe even myself when I sit there and think about it. It's hard to believe that it's actually been going on that long.

Daniel Moore: 3:29

But hopefully the whole goal of this podcast has been realized. I just hope that you guys out there maybe have gotten something from one of the episodes that God's laid on my heart over this last four years, something that's helped you, or maybe you've learned some things. I know I've learned a lot and I just want to thank all you guys for sticking with us and we're just continuing to push through this and just keep our ministry in your prayers that God will continue to expand the borders for Connecting the Gap and that more people will come to find our podcast and that their lives would be changed as well. Well, last week my wife joined me and we gave our testimony.

Daniel Moore: 4:08

And probably blew some people's minds, I'm sure you know everybody.

Daniel Moore: 4:14

In a lot of cases there's a lot of people that have baggage and you don't really know that. You know until somebody just sits down and talks to you and you start digging into their closet and some people don't want to talk about none of that, and that's understandable. There's reasons for that, I'm sure. But Michelle and I have been through a lot and at this point in our life God has really blessed our marriage and he's moved us forward to the point where we want to use our testimony to maybe to help others, because we are not stupid and wasn't born yesterday. We know that there are other couples out there that are probably walking that same path that both of us walked here several years back and they're probably trying to figure out how to get past all of that, how to get through it, not sure what their tomorrow is going to look like, and you know it's. There's a lot to keep in God in the middle of all of that to help understand the answers to those problems and the situations.

Daniel Moore: 5:09

So the series that we're going to be starting today is called the Four Laws of Love and it's going to be an extended series here. It's probably going to take a while to get through all of this, because we do want to do it justice. We want to make sure that everything that's put out into this series, that it will be done in the right way, that God will be allowed to express what he wants to through this podcast, and I just pray that something will maybe resonate with some of you guys out there. If you're having some issues in your marriage right now maybe you're newlyweds, just getting started and not realizing what you've signed up for You're going to be maybe getting a little peek into how to avoid some of these problems that some of us fall into in our marriages as time moves along. So we're just hoping that, on the grand scale of things, that something within this series will resonate with you guys and we just hope you enjoy it and just take some things from this.

Michelle Moore: 6:04

So this week, as I said, we're going to be going ahead and getting into our first episode on the four laws of love the innate desire for love is a fundamental need shared by all individuals across the globe, regardless of differences in age, gender and cultural background. This universal need for love transcends in societal barriers, economic status and intellectual capabilities. As human beings, we are inherently designed to give and receive love, as it serves as a foundation for our emotional well-being and fulfillment. Love motivates us to pursue our greatest aspirations and fuels our dreams for the future. Ultimately, the desire for love is a driving force that unites humanity and connects us on a deeper level. There is nothing more fulfilling than experiencing love in a safe and stable setting. Yet there is also no pain, quite like the feeling of loneliness, rejection or lack of love. This contradicts both of our own desires and the intentions of God. So why is it such a challenge to find a genuine and loyal partner who truly loves us, particularly in the context of marriage? Fortunately, there is a straightforward solution to these dilemmas. By grasping this solution, we can attain enduring love at its deepest level within a secure and stable environment.

Michelle Moore: 7:39

The key to finding lasting love lies in recognizing that God is the creator of love and marriage, and he has established laws to govern and protect them. Following God's laws ensures that marriage becomes the most secure relationship on earth, where the love we seek is nurtured and safeguarded. However, when these laws are disregarded, whether intentionally or inadvertently, it can compromise or even dismantle the foundation essential for genuine and enduring love. God, being a compassionate and loving creator, would never design something to cause harm or chaos. Everything he creates is characterized by perfection and benevolence, with our well-being at the forefront of His intentions. This applies to marriage as well. It was instituted by God to bring blessings and fulfillment into our lives. Marriage serves as the key human relationship through which we can satisfy our need for love at the deepest level, reflecting God's compassionate design for our lives.

Daniel Moore: 8:45

This truth holds only when we comprehend and uphold God's laws of love. Unfortunately, this is where many individuals encounter difficulties with marriage. In contemporary times, the fear surrounding marriage as an institution has grown among many people, leading them to opt out of it entirely. Past experiences or observations of tumultuous marriages have instilled deep-seated fears of failure which overshadow their aspirations for a successful marriage. It's kind of like watching a news report that 50% of all plane flights end up in a crash and the crash is always injure or kills passengers. Then, after all that horrific news hits a news break.

Daniel Moore: 9:27

A commercial comes on about the trip of your lifetime to New Zealand. They're trying to convince you that it's the dream trip of your life, with all the waterfalls, the lush rolling mountains and valleys, sheep grazing in pastures in the countryside. They flood your imagination with how awesome this trip would be, one that you just can't live without. But then you remember that previous news report and the reality that you could be a statistic in the future for the 50% of plane crashes and that all of a sudden extinguishes the enthusiasm of all the dreams that you think that trip could be. Then you decide that you're not willing to take a chance and you just decide to stay home and live that same old, boring life that you have always lived.

Daniel Moore: 10:12

In light of the higher rate of failed marriages, it is not surprising that many individuals are feeling apprehensive, fearful and even cynical about their prospects for a successful partnership. The truth is, nobody enters into marriage simply for the sake of being married. Rather, we seek a lifelong companionship where we can give and receive love. The fear of loneliness and a desire to avoid repeated disappointments in relationships drive us to seek love in a stable and secure setting. It is for this reason that God, in His wisdom, created marriage along with laws governing it. These four laws of love are the cornerstone of a thriving partnership, differentiating between marriage success and failure. By adhering to these laws, we ensure that the love we yearn for and require will endure and be safeguarded throughout a lifetime.

Daniel Moore: 11:07

This pivotal factor changes the entire dynamic of a marital relationship. Therefore, it is crucial for all of us to turn back to God's Word and follow His laws for marriage in order to experience the peace and fulfillment that he intended for this sacred relationship. Only by aligning our marriages with God's design can we hope to find true success and happiness in this aspect of our lives. God created marriage. He alone controls it and can tell us how it is supposed to work. Thankfully, God has clearly told us in His Word how he designed marriage to work. The four laws of love are clearly spoken in a small portion of Scripture in the second chapter of Genesis. When you first read these Scriptures it is probably a little hard to understand. But when people understand and apply the laws of love to their marriage relationships, they are transformed. Chaos becomes order, Pain becomes pleasure, Hopelessness becomes passion.

Michelle Moore: 12:10

Over the next weeks we will go into detail about each of the four laws of love and how to understand them and apply them the law of priority, the law of pursuit, the law of partnership and the law of purity. We will look at what the Holy Spirit teaches about marriage and we will share what we have learned in our marriage. We pray that this study God will give you the marriage of your dreams.

Daniel Moore: 12:36

And you might be thinking another marriage podcast. Maybe you listen to these all the time. I don't know. You're probably wondering. You know why Michelle and I have decided to do this, and the reality is in this world that we live in today I don't know if you know it or not, but the marriage of 2,400 couples end in divorce every day in America, according to statistics.

Michelle Moore: 12:59

That's a very, very high statistic.

Daniel Moore: 13:01

It is very high For each day.

Michelle Moore: 13:03

That just blows my mind.

Daniel Moore: 13:05

Yeah, and to break that down, 41% of those marriages are first marriages. That's the very first time that you get married to your first spouse. 60% of those are second marriages and if you get married a third time, there's a 73% chance that that's going to end up in a divorce. So it doesn't matter how many marriage podcasts are out there, this is still a huge problem and the reality is that you know there is laws for how we should walk into our marriage. There are rules that we should follow. I know a lot of times when we're teenagers and we have this dream of getting married to our soulmate and it's just going to be all you know roses, and it's going to be awesome and everything's going to go great and we're going to have kids and a white picket fence, and all the cliches that go on in our minds as we start heading towards that. I think a lot of times we forget that marriage is probably one of the biggest, or if not the biggest, decision that you will make in your life.

Michelle Moore: 14:09

And it's hard.

Daniel Moore: 14:10

Other than that relationship with God, and it's not an easy thing to do. Some people make marriage look easy. They love each other.

Michelle Moore: 14:19

And some people set boundaries and follow this and they have a great marriage. But, yes, they probably at times have disagreements and stuff, but they have a great marriage. But yes, they probably at times have disagreements and stuff, but they can actually communicate and have a great marriage. For others, like us, we kind of left all that out.

Daniel Moore: 14:35

Yeah, and as a newsflash, just because it looks great on the surface, that doesn't mean behind closed doors that it's the same way. Mine and your marriage was an exact example of that, because we did hide it. We didn't let anybody know. Even our own kids, for the most part, did not know the battles that we were fighting between each other in our marriage. But yet from the outside everybody thought we were the most awesome couple. We led the youth, we led children's church. You know, I played on the praise team and we just had all this stuff that we did in church and the functions that we did just with each other out in public and that kind of thing. But behind closed doors we were a wreck.

Daniel Moore: 15:19

And you know, when you try to watch other people and watch their relationship, it is good to have mentors. It is good to have older couples that you can look up to and try to model your marriage after what it appears that they have. Yes, you don't want to get too wrapped up into that. You need to make sure that you work on your own relationship between the two of you for what you guys have and always bring the Bible and bring God into the middle of that, and here in the beginning, when we were doing our little intro here, we were talking about a scripture in the Bible, in Genesis, and in Genesis, chapter 2, verse 24, God commands that a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This command is given to establish the foundations of marriage and the importance of the union between a man and a woman. God's intention for this command is to emphasize the significance of marriage and the intimate bond that should exist only between a husband and a wife. By instructing that a man should leave his father and mother, God is emphasizing the priority and the commitment that should be given to that marriage relationship. This command is meant to establish a strong and lasting foundation for your family unit. Now, although Adam and Eve they did not have physical mothers and fathers, we know that they were the two first people that were created on the earth, as, in the same sense as we do, we have a mom and a dad. The command given there, therefore, is symbolic of the importance of the relationship between husband and wife in the eyes of God. It's a reminder that the marriage relationship is a sacred and important institution that should be honored and respected above everything else. This law is considered a universal command and a permanent law of marriage for all peoples of all times. This is because the principle underlying this command are foundational and timeless in nature.

Daniel Moore: 17:22

Now, as we look at this command that God laid forth here in Genesis, this is one of the very first commands. As soon as Eve was created. This is one of the first commands that God gave them. The first that we see here is the command to leave one's father and mother signifies the establishment of a new family unit, separate from one's parents. This signifies the independence and self-sufficiency of the new couple as they commit to building their own family and home together. Secondly, the command to be joined to one spouse and become one flesh emphasizes the unity and intimacy of the marriage relationship. This union is meant to be lifelong and exclusive, with husband and wife becoming united in heart, in mind and body. That's the three major aspects of our human being makeup. This permanent bond is intended to reflect the divine relationship between Christ and the church. So the first thing I want to kind of show you guys here I don't know how much you have really dug into John chapter 14, but here, where it says that this relationship that we have as marriage is a reflection of that relationship between Christ and the church. If you read John, chapter 14, it says let scripture a lot of times is just read superficially and we just look at that as okay, Jesus is making a mansion for us in heaven because that's the promise that we have from the Word of God. But in all reality, when Jesus made that statement, he was actually referring back to an actual family unit, the way that God created family to be what you may not realize.

Daniel Moore: 19:23

In biblical times, when a person would get married, it was customary for the parents of the house to add on a room or an extension to the existing home to prepare a place for the newlywed couple to come and stay. This practice is rooted in the cultural traditions of hospitality and the family unit that were prevalent in those ancient societies. So by adding a room onto the house for the newlyweds, the parents were not only providing a physical space for the couple to live, but also symbolically welcoming them into their family unit and showing their support for this new union. For this new union, the act of building a room for the couple demonstrated a commitment to caring for them and ensuring their comfort as they began their married life together. So this is a throwback from Jesus.

Daniel Moore: 20:09

When he's telling about he's gonna go create this place for us, this space that we're gonna call our own for all of eternity, he was actually throwing back to the actual family unit that was here on earth. So we can see that relationship there in the family unit that we have when we walk down that aisle and say I do, and we tie that knot and we become a family unit that actually mirrors or reflects that marriage relationship that we also have with Jesus in heaven. And I just think it's so awesome, when you think about that, how that all ties back together. Now, as we look at this leaving our father and our mother why is that so important? Why is it that when we get married, we should become our own unit? And you know the Bible telling us that we need to leave our mom and our dad. What can you put in on that?

Michelle Moore: 21:06

Well, marriage is a lifelong commitment in which two people become one and I'm going to go back and date myself. If you remember back in well, let's see 2002, you have candelabras. The two mothers would come up and ignite, light those and then you would have a unity candle that, after lighting those, they would put their two on the outside. So when the soon-to-be husband-wife would go up they would take those two candles and light the unity candle to become one. Then they blow the two out from the families. So, knowing that you're going to do a long life commitment with two people becoming one, it means a growing oneness in every aspect of the life emotional, financially, physically, socially. Having overbearing parents threatens that bond. Appropriate boundaries from the parents need to be set in place from that husband and wife. We need God's wisdom to discern where our true needs and what is overbearing, manipulative or dishonoring regarding either of our spouse's parents.

Daniel Moore: 22:19

Yeah, and it also states here that we become united in heart, mind and body when we become married. Well, even if it's not just we can say this, not even our parents only that could cause this issue, because anybody can be a block, I guess, in your marriage. But it is very difficult to be united in heart, mind and body between each other when you have someone else there in the mix that you're running to all the time. You know, letting them get into your business or giving you advice that really should be coming between the two of you. It's just very difficult to fulfill this command according to the way that God put it out there, and so we have to be super careful with that.

Daniel Moore: 23:06

The third part of this command in Genesis 2.24 that we can take out of this is that it is considered universal because it applies to everyone. It doesn't matter what culture you're in or what time frame you're in. The institution of marriage is a fundamental aspect of human society and it's recognized across different cultures and religions. It provides a timeless blueprint for the establishment of a strong, loving and lasting marriage that honors God's design for human relationships. If you go online and just do a Google search, you will find out that every country in the world has some form of some type of a marriage ceremony that they go through, yeah, and they all become a husband and a wife and a family unit.

Daniel Moore: 23:51

Yeah, so this isn't just an American thing, it's not just something that we do here in the United States. When God created this, created this family and this marriage, this was meant for everybody.

Daniel Moore: 24:05

So, this applies across the whole scale. Now, as we dig into this a little deeper, this command to leave doesn't mean that we abandon or neglect our parents. We're not wanting to say that the parents are now useless at this point. I mean, michelle and I are both in this spot in life right now. We're in this season. Our kids have now moved on. We've got two of them that are married. One of them is progressing his way towards that eventually. So we are the parent now.

Daniel Moore: 24:39

That's on the outside of these relationships, and so we don't want to say that we're just going to neglect our parents or leave them. That's not what we're saying. Rather, it implies a reordering of priorities, the relationship as a person transitions into a new family unit with their spouse. At that point and this is even biblical. If you look at Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5, they both emphasize the importance of honoring one's father and mother. We're to respect and care for them, show gratitude for our parents, for the role that they have played in our lives. I mean we're who we are today in a large way because of them. I mean they've raised us and poured their moralistic views into us, and sometimes that can be bad. I know that some people have what you would not consider to be the greatest parents. I totally understand that, but in all essence, though, we still are a product of our family unit as we grow up and get out on our own and, if you really think about it, as we grow up and get out on our own.

Michelle Moore: 25:39

And if you really think about it, when you have a family unit you're in one accord and when you're in that one accord it brings God joy, you know. And so if you're bringing in the parents, it can eliminate, like those discussions, creating a powerful and united force. If the parent is in the middle of it, it's not going to be that, that oneness is not there. So, a family unit, you have to still create that oneness.

Daniel Moore: 26:11

Right and we need to. You know, our parents have wisdom.

Michelle Moore: 26:14

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 26:15

They've been through things that we haven't yet.

Michelle Moore: 26:18

Some of us have grown up in different areas I wouldn't say areas, but have grown up in a different lifestyle and so I think, sometimes too, the way we grew up, we don't want our children to grow up that way.

Daniel Moore: 26:32

Right.

Michelle Moore: 26:33

So because some of us grew up with not the best childhood yeah, you know, not everybody grows up with a great childhood whether you've had parents that have been married forever, or you've had parents that have been divorced or you have. You know you didn't have any parents. You know everybody has a story behind their childhood and you know you do carry some of that into the family unit when you get married. I mean, obviously you know when we got married we'd known each other for a while.

Daniel Moore: 27:03

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 27:04

So, even though we knew each other, we really didn't know each other, right?

Daniel Moore: 27:08

Yeah, there's two ways that you can define that. Yeah, that's for sure, and we'll get into that later on, I'm sure as we go through this study. It's very important to keep that in mind. So we do have parents there for wisdom and for advice, but they do need to stay neutral in their advice and what they give us, because in essence, it is the married couple's marriage, it's not the parent's marriage.

Daniel Moore: 27:32

The parents have their own marriage, and so I see a lot of times we'll see situations where couples have a hard time cutting themselves off from that and they keep their parents involved in anything and everything, and that ends up causing problems sometimes, because even between two married couples family sides there can be a huge difference, and the husband might've been raised one way where the wife was raised a different way, and so if you're still trying to bring your parents' advice into the middle of all your problems and issues, you're probably going to get two different versions of how to fix it, and then that's going to put the husband and wife against each other. It's like, okay, whose side are we going to go with now?

Michelle Moore: 28:14

Well, that's the reason why it's so important to set healthy boundaries of parents being involved. I mean, if they're involved, you have to be praying to God for guidance and prayer, because parents need to understand that what they may suggest may not be the couple's decision. And you know we've been in that situation where we've had to kind of set boundaries ourselves and I'm a fixer, so you know, therefore, I want to fix everything and I want to jump in and do everything. And you have to set those boundaries because if you don't set those boundaries you're going to have hard feelings and those hard feelings can turn into gossip when you're talking to other people.

Michelle Moore: 28:57

And you have to be careful too in those boundaries that where your child is talking to you about their spouse, you know you can't take those in because you're going to get, you're going to have thoughts and opinions of that other spouse and that really isn't healthy by any means.

Michelle Moore: 29:14

You're going to create a judgment I mean against that person, and you know I mean against that person. And you know we need to understand that the spouse needs to communicate, not just to the parent, like I wouldn't necessarily say communicate to the parent but they need to find someone that can mentor them and that they can go to. But the first and foremost thing is the parents need to take a step back and let that child speak to their spouse and communicate what's going on with them and why they feel the way they do, because that's a boundary, that's a healthy boundary from a parent standpoint. You know you don't want to get involved in that because it's hey, they said this and this and next thing you know you're saying something to them like hey, you shouldn't be doing that and that is not healthy for a marriage, especially when it's first starting out.

Daniel Moore: 30:07

That's right, and so we always want to make sure that we do understand. If you are a parent, you need to understand your role of where you belong when it comes to your children's marriages.

Michelle Moore: 30:19

And moms, that's really hard.

Daniel Moore: 30:21

It is difficult.

Michelle Moore: 30:22

And it's very hard when you have sons.

Daniel Moore: 30:25

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 30:25

I mean, they're your boys and you know I've always heard the saying that there's no girl good enough for your son, your baby boy or whatever, and you know it is really hard and to let go because, let's face it, most moms do everything for their boys. I don't know why, but we do and that's how the daughters wrap their little piece.

Michelle Moore: 30:47

So it's kind of you know it's very hard to to learn that boundary and to you know to stay back from it and be the mom Once they get married. You're still a mom, but but it's a total different. I want to say it was a challenge for me, but it was definitely different.

Daniel Moore: 31:07

It's a different role.

Michelle Moore: 31:08

Yes, and you have to take that on and you learn by mistakes. I know I learned by mistakes and still there's times I try to butt in and I really don't need to be that.

Daniel Moore: 31:18

Yeah, but we also know that by respecting and honoring our parents, there is a promise for that.

Daniel Moore: 31:26

You know the Bible tells us in Matthew, for instance, that we will have a long life. And you know, I've read that scripture a few times and thought I might make it till I'm 60. And thought I might make it till I'm 60 because, you know, I wasn't the greatest child sometimes when I grew up and didn't honor my parents as much as I probably should have. So I always hope that God's not keeping those little check marks up there.

Michelle Moore: 31:48

I'm going to be the one living to 100 because I was daddy's girl and did no wrong. So just leave it to my brothers, and they're the ones that got in trouble.

Daniel Moore: 31:57

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 31:58

So you're going to be 60 and I'm going to be 100.

Daniel Moore: 32:01

Of course, we know that's probably not really what that means, but there is a promise for that, and so that's how important it is to God that we do honor our parents and just because sometimes we get married because we just want to get out of the house, because we don't get along with our parents.

Daniel Moore: 32:19

That was my case, if you listen to our testimony. I talked a little bit about that and that's not a good place to be. We don't. We should never.

Daniel Moore: 32:30

I know that we have our disagreements, especially as teenagers. You're going to have your issues. That's just part of life. But we have to come to a point where we have to understand that. You know we have a special kind of love there for our parents and there is a promise if we follow through with that honor and respect that God wants us to have between the parent and the child. So reordering of priorities does not mean that we have a lack of respect or care for our parents. That's not how that works.

Daniel Moore: 33:04

Honoring one's parents is a crucial aspect of living in accordance with God's will and it does not contradict the command to leave and cleave and marry. It's just a part of the process. After a man leaves his father and mother and is reunited with his wife, they form a new family unit where the husband and wife are meant to become each other's priority. The Bible teaches that marriage is a sacred and intimate union between a man and a woman, designed by God to be the most important human relationship in their lives. We fail there a lot of times, I think, because I don't know how many times we have the issue of trying to put things priority-wise above our spouses.

Daniel Moore: 33:46

And that may not just be parents. There's a lot of things that can be put and we're going to get into that, but it was originally designed by God that this relationship between the man and wife is supposed to be the absolute most important relationship that you have, period. Besides that relationship between you and God. Now, in the biblical framework, marriage is intended to reflect the perfect unity and love that God has for his people. And just as God prioritizes his relationship with his followers, the husband and wife are called to prioritize their relationship with each other above all human relationships. This means that we are to care for, support and prioritize each other's well-being and happiness. Putting marriage in the position of top priority, as God has intended, is essential for a strong and healthy marital relationship. This creates a solid foundation for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

Daniel Moore: 34:40

Now, as we kind of revisit just a little bit here about where the parents stand in this hierarchy or, however you want to put it, this order of priority, believe it or not, there are what you would call helicopter parents. I think a lot of you are probably familiar with that term. That's usually used a lot when the kids are younger, but some parents stay helicopter parents even after their kids are married. It never stops. And the actual technical term for that I even Googled this and looked it up it's very deep. It's called parental interference. That's deep.

Daniel Moore: 35:18

I expected this big, long word that I couldn't pronounce, but no, it's just called parental interference and that's something that we have to be careful of, because a lot of times, you know, husbands will have a hard time clipping those apron strings and they want to keep mom involved in everything and then or it might be the dad and the wife, or it could be vice versa, the dad and the husband gang up on the mom and the daughter. You know there's just different ways that that can happen there. But any time that a spouse lets their parents intrude on their marriages constantly, like every time you have any kind of a disagreement, or any time any little hiccup comes along, or advice.

Michelle Moore: 36:00

Yeah, that you can't even ask your spouse.

Daniel Moore: 36:03

Right.

Michelle Moore: 36:03

That you're always going to your parents for advice, right? Instead of going to your spouse.

Daniel Moore: 36:08

Yes, that is not healthy.

Michelle Moore: 36:10

No.

Daniel Moore: 36:11

And you have to remember, parents can only intrude on a marriage because that related spouse allows it, and sometimes it spirals out of control and the married couple between each other.

Daniel Moore: 36:25

They think that there's no way to stop this and it just continues to create a bigger divide between the two of them. But in all reality, this problem actually the foundation of this problem relates back to that spouse that's having that issue. If one of the spouses cannot communicate with the other one every time you have a problem and you two take care of that problem within each other before running off to the mom and dad, that spouse needs to reevaluate their foundation in that actual marriage relationship, because that's where it falls back on. It's that spouse's fault, because you can tell your parents to back off. You have the total right to tell them that, hey, this is my space. We've gotten married. This is my wife or this is my husband. This is my space. We've gotten married. This is my wife or this is my husband. This is our problem. We need to work through this without any interruption or interference.

Michelle Moore: 37:25

And I think to go about that is simply you know you need to be praying about how it is perceived from the parents, because once you speak that, you need to speak it in love too, to let them know hey, you know we are working on this. We you know we love you and we thank you for your advice. But this is ours, this is something we need to work through, and because I think sometimes when someone comes across, it can be really harsh and it can be offensive, and so you don't want that. So just make sure that you're praying about it before you address that and talk to your spouse and have your spouse be praying with you, because it needs to be a unity as you go to that parent and discuss that.

Daniel Moore: 38:01

Yeah, and if you fight between each other and you want to drag your parents into the middle of that, be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear. Because I know that if a set of parents really care about their son and daughter and their marriage relationships and they are concerned that you guys have a good marriage, the last thing that a parent wants to see is for their son or daughter to get into a violent situation within their marriage and that is going to trigger that parental response of protection. The parents are going to want to protect their son or they're going to protect their daughter, whatever it may be. And it's real super easy to take sides when that happens, because more often than not we're hearing one side of the story instead of both sides of the story. The parents aren't there the whole time in the middle of those arguments and concerns and whatever's going on. So the parents really don't know really what's going on. All you're getting is third party information, as the two are yelling at each other or whatever, and so if those situations are going on, that's really a basis for some counseling.

Daniel Moore: 39:14

If there's issues going on in a marriage where you're constantly fighting, arguing, can't get along accusing one spouse of doing something, the spouse says I'm not doing that. You've got all these issues going on and it looks like that your marriage is failing because the two of you can't get on the same page. Yes, the parents can be there as a support role and some, to an extent, they can probably have a little bit of some wisdom that they can share with you. But most generally, when that takes place, you need to get to a neutral party and you need to go seek out some good biblical marriage counseling so that the two of you can have a safe space away from everybody else that has any type of an opinion in the situation where you can hash that out with someone that's neutral, that can sit there and help you work through those problems.

Daniel Moore: 40:00

Because at the root of every issue and this is something Michelle and I have figured out in the time that we've been married at the root of any issue there's always going to be a problem there that started it. At the root of any issue there's always going to be a problem there that started it. And until you acknowledge and get to the place in your life where you can look back and actually dissect your marriage to get to what that root was and start working on that and trying to fix it, you're just setting yourself up for failure. You're not ever going to be able to get those problems resolved. That's where Michelle and I came to at a point in our life when we had all the problems that we did. We both had to kind of and we even said it this way, I think, in our testimony we had to start over. Yeah, we had to start from square zero.

Michelle Moore: 40:43

Yep, like getting married all over again. That's right and putting God at the front.

Daniel Moore: 40:47

Because sometimes you just have to backtrack and figure out where it went wrong and try to redo it and redo it the right way. Yes, so many issues in marriage can stem from misplaced priorities, and that's usually what's causing a lot of our issues in our marriages. When couples fail to prioritize their marriage as the most important relationship of their life, problems can arise that may lead to conflict, dissatisfaction or even to the worst case scenario, a divorce, and then you'll become part of that statistic that we threw out there at the beginning. You have to set boundaries, you know, just like Michelle was talking about a while ago. There's got to be some boundaries there that you have to set in those marriages.

Michelle Moore: 41:29

And I think it's just not boundaries with the parents, it's boundaries on anything and everything. If you were putting more time into something else other than your spouse, you need to step back and look at that. I mean because, in all honesty, I mean you can get married and you love video games and you're playing more video games than you are spending time with your spouse. You have to take that time and spend with your spouse, because the more time you spend, the more you get to know them and the more time you get to know them gives you an opportunity to fall more in love with them.

Daniel Moore: 42:06

Yeah, and the more often that you run to a parent to get their advice, you are actually shouting loud and clear to your spouse that what their parent has to say is more valuable than what the spouse has to say that's good yeah.

Daniel Moore: 42:21

That sets a precedent, because if you two can't get on the same page and work out your problems between each other at first, that should be your first step between each other, and first that should be your first step. Do some prayer, read some word, sit down with each other with a cup of coffee and discuss it some communication.

Michelle Moore: 42:40

I was getting ready to say communication is the biggest thing and I think as soon as you're first married or just even later on in life, communication is so hard for a lot of people.

Daniel Moore: 42:51

It's very difficult. It really is, but you got to figure out how to fix that.

Michelle Moore: 42:56

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 42:56

Because that's the only thing that's going to save your marriage.

Michelle Moore: 42:59

Yeah, because communication to me is the number one thing.

Daniel Moore: 43:01

Yes, and so you don't want to set that precedent. You want to make sure that your spouse feels like that they are the most important thing in that marriage. Yeah, and the only way to do that is to rely on the two of you to fix your issues and your problems and be successful at it. Yeah, then, if something like I said earlier, if it gets beyond that or you just can't fix it, then you may need to get some counseling. Or and I'm not saying you can't go to your parent occasionally just to get maybe some neutral advice, because your parents are wise. They've got some things they could probably tell you that might help. I'm not going to say don't use them at all, but just be real careful how deep you let them get into your problems. You have to be careful with that.

Daniel Moore: 43:47

So we're getting close here to wrapping up this episode, when individuals place other things or relationships above their marriage. It's not a good thing, and Michelle mentioned one here just a while ago. But here's a small list of things that you can put up above your marriage, your career. You can have hobbies. You know guys that like to golf or go hunting, or the women like to be in a sewing club or whatever it may be.

Michelle Moore: 44:11

I don't think they would.

Daniel Moore: 44:13

I had a hard time thinking of something a girl could put up with.

Michelle Moore: 44:16

Oh, there we go.

Daniel Moore: 44:19

I knew I needed to come to you for some suggestions there on that one, or social media, social media seems to be a big one.

Michelle Moore: 44:27

I think it comes to the fact that you can't even communicate with your spouse because you're so wrapped up in social media and it's like you know, take that time, put those phones down and you know, as I always tell Dan I mean a good friend of ours always talked about a date night. Vicki and Scotty, you know they talked about date night and how they took that one night.

Daniel Moore: 44:51

One night a week.

Michelle Moore: 44:52

Yep, and spent it with each other, phones down down whether it's just eating over, just supper no distractions, nothing. It doesn't have to be expensive, it can be free, but communicating and talking to your spouse, you know, and just making time for him, that priority of making time and just spending it one-on-one, yeah, but no sewing.

Daniel Moore: 45:18

I'm sorry.

Michelle Moore: 45:21

I mean there, I mean there might be some listeners that sewing is a big thing to them, but I mean shopping comes way before.

Daniel Moore: 45:28

You can tell my barrel was a little shallow there when I was trying to figure out that one, but career is a big one.

Michelle Moore: 45:34

Yeah, that was me.

Daniel Moore: 45:36

We'll talk about that later as we get into how we prioritize things in our life. A career is huge. Yes, friends can be a big one, and children's probably another one. That's huge.

Michelle Moore: 45:47

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 45:47

That can become a problem.

Michelle Moore: 45:48

We'll definitely hit that one, we'll hit that one later as well.

Daniel Moore: 45:51

If you allow these things to get up above everything else in your marriage, above the two of you, then it can create tensions and strains on that relationship. And this is one of those sneaky ones, because it's real easy to think well, I'm just supporting my children because they love to do this or they love to do that, and I want to make sure they have the best life, and I want to make sure that you know they're taken care of, and all those are good things. But there's a balance there and if you don't keep that balance, before you know it, the two of you the husband and wife are left not even knowing each other because you sunk everything into your kids.

Michelle Moore: 46:34

And, like you said, it's sneaky because you don't recognize it.

Daniel Moore: 46:38

It'll pop up on you quicker, without even realizing what's going on, and so you always have to be aware of things that could pop. It's just like being in a relationship with God we have to always be aware of the things that take the most importance of our day. If we're not reading the Word, if we're not praying, we're doing something else during that time. So what is that stuff that you're doing so much that you don't have time to read or pray? Well, that flips over. It's amazing to me how, when you start digging into this, the relationship with God parallels so much with the marriage relationship.

Michelle Moore: 47:13

It's just unbelievable how that pans out I was studying that that is something that has been brought to the forefront of everything. I mean I'm just like, oh, this is very interesting, so I'm still learning in all this as well.

Daniel Moore: 47:26

Yeah. So if we allow this stuff to happen, it's going to lead to feelings of neglect, resentment and disconnection between the spouses, and it'll happen way faster than you think it ever could. It's just hard to believe. Michelle and I it took about well, I don't know, probably within the four to five year range after we were married, we were already having that problem.

Michelle Moore: 47:52

I think in the first year, yeah, it probably was.

Daniel Moore: 47:56

Yeah, we really didn't come into our marriage.

Aria: 47:58

Especially.

Daniel Moore: 47:59

I can speak for myself didn't come into the marriage in the mind frame that I should have. But we just have to understand that millions of couples they've ended up in divorce court because they failed to uphold the priority of their marriage covenant. And I was talking to Michelle last night a little bit as we were discussing this to record today and I was looking at a list of things, the top things that causes divorce, and it really surprised me. I think I was telling her, I think it was like the fourth and fifth spot, I think is what I had saw last night. Both of them were related to communication. One of them was little communication or no communication. That was out of the top 10 things that cause a divorce. Those are like right, number four, number five. They're right there, close to the top. And so those priorities. A lot of times we don't know what those priorities are if we don't speak up and communicate to each other. So that's super important. So many couples they may live in frustration and strife-filled lives because they have not placed their marriage as the central focus of their lives. And if you're not careful, michelle and I has both been divorced. You know both of us are on our second marriages and at one point, as you list our testimony, that almost imploded.

Daniel Moore: 49:22

And I think one thing we have to understand is this divorce thing. It can be a generational curse. So let's look at us, for instance. So back in the day my dad cheated on my mom a long, long, long time ago. When I grew up I'm like I'll never do that, that's just not going to happen.

Daniel Moore: 49:41

Well, I get married and in my first marriage I cheated and then that ended up in divorce and my mom and dad's marriage ended up in divorce eventually actually. Then I got married to Michelle. I never actually really cheated as far as sleeping with somebody, but I did do. I brought other people into the relationship. We'll get into that in a different episode. I almost got divorced again. So it's like if you're not careful, this just keeps replicating itself. And you know it's Michelle's testimony that she gave she. You know her story is real, similar to mine and if you talk to a lot of different people out there that's, you know, gotten a divorce. I know this is a choice that we all make and we can stop that generational curse at any time. We can stop that by the grace of God. You can claim it to be done and it will be done.

Daniel Moore: 50:35

But if we don't, that's what we had to do. But if you don't do that and you continue to let this cycle work on your marriages and on your life, then you're going to have a difficult time staying married.

Daniel Moore: 50:48

And so we just have to be really careful with how we approach all of that. You have anything final just to add on this subject for this week, we're going to cut it off here and go ahead and call it good for this one. So hopefully you guys have gotten something from this today, as we've gotten started into this series on the four laws of love. This is just an awesome study that has helped Michelle and I a lot of love. This is just an awesome study that has helped Michelle and I a lot, and I'm so excited to be able to share this with you and to be able to have my wife here helping me go through all of this as we pour into you guys' marriages some of the stuff that we've learned over time, and we'll come back next week and be talking about some more things as we continue this study here on Connecting the Gap. Well, that's going to be all for this week's episode. We're going to call it good. I'm Daniel and this is Michelle. It's been sitting with you guys today.

Daniel Moore: 51:41

Thank you guys so much for listening. Of course, if you don't listen, this show wouldn't even be possible, so I want to thank everyone out there. That's a listener. Please subscribe, please share this. If you know anybody that's having issues like this in their marriage, please share this to them and hopefully something that's been said will help them through some problems that they're having. Possibly, and of course, if you're a fan of the show, leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Please subscribe and share on your favorite platform, and the links for all of those are in the show notes. Well, as we leave this week, don't forget that God's Word never fails us. God's Word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.

Aria: 52:18

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.