The 4 Laws of Love: You Need to Say "I Love You" - 203

What do you have when you bring home a paycheck to a home where the people don’t get along? You have a perverted situation where the home supports the job. Instead, it should be the job that supports the home. This confused priority has caused untold amounts of confusion and divorce.

Do you want your children to grow up with a marriage model of unhappy and unfulfilled parents? One of the best models you can leave a child is to show that you love each other and fulfill each other’s needs. Children who see this harmony always displayed in their home grow up having a higher percentage of being able to have success in their lives and marriages.

Blended families face unique challenges, from differing parenting styles to the lingering impact of past relationships. This week we jump into the intricate dynamics that accompany these relationships and stress the significance of mentorship from those who've walked similar paths. Placing your marriage above all, except your relationship with God, is not just recommended; it's a biblical mandate that provides a sturdy framework for a fulfilling partnership. By aligning your priorities according to this model, you create a resilient environment where love can thrive.

This week we discuss how your list of priorities should look.

Visit our website at www.connectingthegap.net for everything about our ministry! We pray you have a blessed week and a Happy Thanksgiving!

Chapters

• 0:04 Prioritizing Love in Marriage Relationships
• 5:47 Challenges of Blended Family Marriage
• 15:57 The Importance of Modeling Love
• 26:58 Prioritizing Love and Relationship Actions
• 36:42 Protecting Priorities in Marriage Relationships
• 43:43 Aligning Priorities in Marriage Relationships
• 50:54 Promoting Podcasts and Ministry Availability

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:04

That's going to mean more than anything I could ever say for you. So I always make that very clear when we get ready to pray between each other and in all reality. That attitude and that mindset should carry over into all of our relationships. It is important what you speak.

Michelle Moore: 0:21

Well, you think about how important we are to to god and how much he loves us yeah no matter what we do, he loves us and deeply loves us, more than we can ever think or imagine. That's how I feel about my marriage with you, so it's kind of like you know I love you. I want you to know how much I love you right, so it's very important to be vocal with that.

Daniel Moore: 0:45

So I definitely wanted to, because that's even something I'm still learning as I go through my growth process myself, but I am much better at it.

Aria: 0:53

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 0:56

We're back again this week with another episode in our marriage series, the Four Laws of Love. We'll get back into that right after this. Welcome back to Connecting the Gap. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and my wife, michelle Moore, sitting in here with you this week. Thank you, guys, for joining us.

Daniel Moore: 1:53

If you're not familiar with our show, please check out our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet. All of our platforms are there YouTube and Rumble links. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. You can also visit us on social at facebookcom, forward slash ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms and give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcast. We'd be eternally gratefully to you for doing that.

Daniel Moore: 2:21

And since this is a little bit different thing that I'm doing here on Connecting the Gap being just a marriage series, if you know anybody out there that might need to hear some of these episodes, maybe they're in a struggle right now or a battle in their relationship, a battle in their marriage please share this and help somebody else out. That's what this is all for, and we just pray that someone will be blessed by these episodes and maybe it'll help your marriage grow stronger in Christ as we go through each episode. Well, this week we're going to continue our discussion on priorities and this week we're going to be talking about how love begins with priorities. We'll be getting into that this week on Connecting the Gap. Well, this week, as we continue the series on marriage that my wife, michelle and I have been sharing with you guys, we're going to be talking about the actual priority list of how we should actually prioritize things in our life and in our marriage according to the biblical plan that God has for us.

Daniel Moore: 3:39

And as we start off this week, we want to hit a little bit on looking to other couples as mentors, looking to other couples as being a model for your marriage. And you know, a lot of times I'll see couples that they'll see a younger couple that seems to just have it going on and they'll want to model their marriage after that younger couple. And there's probably not nothing necessarily wrong with that, except for the fact that younger couple probably hasn't been around the block yet. So they're probably going to eventually have a lot of issues of their own. That's probably going to cause them to have to start working a little harder on their marriage and they're going to have a lot of lessons to learn as they go through things, and so what we want to suggest this week, as we start off this episode, when we talk about priorities on how to fashion our marriage or how to create the marriage bond that we have, how to live this life out with each other as husband and wife, is, instead of looking to newly married couples as the ideal model for success, it's probably more realistic and beneficial to seek guidance and inspiration from older, more experienced couples who have weathered the ups and downs and been around the block a few times.

Daniel Moore: 4:56

These couples have likely learned valuable lessons. They've probably made many, many mistakes and they've learned how to overcome those challenges. That can offer valuable insights and wisdom for those just starting out, and I know, with Michelle and I, I don't know that I can really think of anybody that I've actually looked at as a mentor, necessarily, in our relationship. Is there anyone that you can think of that we I don't think we ever went down that route.

Daniel Moore: 5:24

No we didn't. We probably should have.

Michelle Moore: 5:27

Yes, but we didn't no.

Daniel Moore: 5:29

Now I can say, though, on the flip side of that, that fortunately, god has allowed Michelle and I to be in a position for younger couples, as they've went through things, that we've been able to share a little bit of some insight on some things that we've been through, and some of that is with the blended family thing, even.

Michelle Moore: 5:47

Blended family is a lot different than just someone being married to a husband and your wife throughout their whole entire marriage. Blended family creates so much that I mean I can say that I didn't see coming to you at that time. No, not at all. As we now know is when you're in blended family, you take on different households from the ex-spouses, and which creates another drama for your marriage, and I can honestly say I could have used an older couple for a mentor, definitely for that, to help me walk through that for sure.

Daniel Moore: 6:28

Yeah, you know, by the time my dad got remarried I was already 19, 20, I don't know. Somewhere I was ready to get out of the house already. So I never really had to deal with the blended family issue so much as far as being a child underneath a new parent and that kind of thing, and my mom never did get remarried. So you know there's a lot of things there that I didn't think about or even it never even crossed my mind would be an issue.

Daniel Moore: 6:54

You know, as we started into a new marriage, bringing kids in from both sides of the equation, you just think that you're just going to get married and it's just going to blend together. It's like nothing ever happened. But that's not the way that works.

Michelle Moore: 7:06

No.

Daniel Moore: 7:07

Because you have two other sets of parents that you marry at the same time, absolutely, and you have attitudes that are changed from one weekend to the next when they swap out homes on the weekends. You train them one way. They go to the other parent, they get trained differently. Then you've got to come back and reprogram them One way. They go to the other parent, they get trained differently. Then you're going to come back and reprogram them and it's just. There's just a lot of issues that goes into all that that you don't think about.

Michelle Moore: 7:28

No.

Daniel Moore: 7:29

And if you're not around someone that's been through that already or even the court thing if you're getting sued by your other ex-spouse or whatever, maybe you have a something going against the ex-spouse from your side, whatever it may be, that creates a whole new world that, like what do you do you?

Michelle Moore: 7:44

know it's like how do I handle this? Well, you're paying child support. You know you're receiving child support. You know, or you're paying for sports or whatever. There's so much more to add into it that you just don't see coming.

Daniel Moore: 7:57

There's a ton there and maybe someday we'll look at maybe doing something on blended families. That's not the intention of this here, but I do think that it's important. When you come into looking for couples to mentor you, you need to make sure that that couple, first of all, has been through some things, that they're already in a season of life where they fought a lot of battles. They've defeated them and they have God at the core of their relationship.

Daniel Moore: 8:20

And also make sure that those couples can understand things you've been through. So it's going to be hard to mentor with someone If you have a blended family and they don't, they're not going to understand a lot of those things that you're going through as a blended family, and so just when you look out for a mentor, because we do feel it's important, we should have done this ourself.

Michelle Moore: 8:43

Yeah, and I think if we would have spoke up, and said hey, we have issues and to seek someone out.

Daniel Moore: 8:52

And put the pride down.

Michelle Moore: 8:53

Yeah. That's the hard one, it is so hard, because I think it would have benefited us so much.

Daniel Moore: 9:00

I'm a very proud person. Sometimes it's very difficult for me to ask help from other people. Michelle will be the first to tell you that, and so that's something that you just have to keep in mind. If you decide that you want to do some type of mentorship, just try to keep that in the right direction.

Daniel Moore: 9:18

Make sure that you pick those mentors the godly way and seek out who God would have you as a mentor. Don't just go put it on Help Wanted ads in the newspaper or something like that. Get out there on Facebook for a recommendation, you know, don't do none of that stuff. No, you need to pray about it and make sure that whoever comes into your path is that mentor, that God puts them there. So while it's natural for newlyweds to be filled with love and excitement for their new life together, it's important to recognize that the early stages of marriage, they're just the beginning of a long journey. If you guys have a fulfilled life, that you're going to live a long life to be old together, you've got a long ways to go if you get married when you're young, and it takes years of communication, compromise and growth as individuals and as a couple to truly build a strong and lasting relationship. It doesn't happen overnight. By recognizing that marriage is a journey that requires continuous effort and learning, couples can set themselves up for a more fulfilling and lasting relationship. Instead of expecting perfection or quick fixes, a couple can focus on building a solid foundation based on trust, respect and commitment, and those things will actually help that marriage sustain through all the years ahead. That sets a good, solid foundation for that marriage. Absolutely Too many people are living in marriages with a fake version of ignorant bliss, and it's tragic, unnecessary and it's unbiblical.

Daniel Moore: 10:47

You should always be very well aware of your relationship, your marriage, where you stand, where you're at with things between each other. You need to always be proactive in those situations. That's how God set up the marriage to be by following God's commands to place our marriage above all else except our relationship with Him. Only then can we really experience the true beauty of marriage. The pain and suffering in today's society caused by couples prioritizing their relationships improperly those problems could be totally eliminated if we would just obey those instructions that God gave us in Genesis, chapter 2, regarding the importance of marriage. So there's two scenarios where priorities could be out of whack. Maybe you grew up in a value system where work was put before marriage, or even maybe the kids. Maybe you've been in the scenario where you've seen this work correctly.

Daniel Moore: 11:45

If you identify with one of these situations, then here's a couple of questions that you can ask. Number one what do you have when you bring home a paycheck to a home where the people don't get along Well when you have that situation. You have a perverted situation where the home supports the job. Instead, it should be the opposite of that. It should be the job that supports the home. This confused priority has caused untold amounts of confusion and divorce. The second do you want your children to grow up with a marriage model of unhappy and unfulfilled parents? One of the best models that you can leave a child is to show that you love each other and fulfill each other's needs. Children who see this harmony always displayed in their home grow up having a higher percentage of being able to have success in their lives and their marriages. So I love the way that we look at the job whenever we understand that the job supports the home.

Michelle Moore: 12:49

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 12:50

And so I think real quick, there you can see how that can be twisted.

Michelle Moore: 12:53

It's easy to be twisted.

Daniel Moore: 12:55

It's very easy for that to happen. If the home supports the job, then who's the priority there? It's the job, and, yes, we have to have money to make ends meet. We've got to be able to pay the bills. But this again gets off on a whole new subject of being financially stable biblically and all those kinds of factors come into play there. God again has created a format and a formula for how to financially be successful in your home and of course, a lot of that starts with just tithing giving to the church, giving to the ministry but that's a whole other subject and all on its own. But the thing that we're focusing on here at the moment is we need to make sure that, whenever it comes to the job, that the job should support the home.

Michelle Moore: 13:46

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 13:47

That home unit should be the most important thing, in that those jobs are there to help keep that family functioning, to keep that home going on a daily basis, and that all your focus really needs to be, you know, focused on that relationship. That job should not come in front of that. Now, our children. They hold a significant place in our lives, but they should not be prioritized above our relationship with God or our marriages. This is a hard one to swallow for some people and I totally understand that, but in all reality, this is biblical truth.

Daniel Moore: 14:19

It is crucial to recognize that the strength of the parent's relationship with God and a deep connection between spouses are the cornerstones for raising and nurturing children effectively.

Daniel Moore: 14:30

Sacrificing our relationship with God or our marriages for the sake of our children ultimately does them a disservice, as it is from these foundational relationships that we are able to provide a stable and loving environment for them to grow and thrive. If Michelle and I do not put God first in our relationship and problems start coming up and we start getting irritated with each other and we decide we're going to try to fix these problems on our own and not bring God into it, more often than not that love factor is not introduced into the solution. So therefore, it may become a shouting match right in front of our kids, or it might cause you know, Michelle, to you know back, talk about me while I'm not in the room to our kids, or vice versa, If we don't keep God in the foundation of that and let our kids understand that every time we have a problem, we go to God, and this is a place that you and I failed.

Michelle Moore: 15:30

Oh, absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 15:32

We failed big time. I mean, this was the atomic bomb in our relationship because me and her you know, michelle and I we both tried to fix our own problems and honestly I feel horrible to say this, being as I grew up in church and you and I had been in leadership off and on with youth and all that kind of thing. But this is one spot that we really failed. Whenever we had these issues and they started arising, our kids probably never once saw us praying about it or saw us picking up our Bible and me and you sitting at the table trying to work through our issues by reading good scripture about biblical marriage or any of that kind of thing. They didn't see none of that. So now if they start having issues in their marriage, I hope that they'll go to God to try to fix all of those issues, but they sure didn't get that as a model from us.

Michelle Moore: 16:24

No.

Daniel Moore: 16:24

Because we failed to model that in front of them. So at this point, what Michelle and I have to do now, because we didn't allow that to happen when the time was there for it to happen. We pray over our kids' marriages and over their lives all the time. We plead the blood over their relationships, and now they do see how faithful we are to church.

Michelle Moore: 16:45

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 16:45

Because they know that even if something comes up in their life where they need us, they know it better be a good reason because we're not going to skip church for it. You know, we're not going to let it take our Bible time away or it's not going to cause us to not go to a conference or something like that, because we put God first, right. And we hope that our kids will take from that. We're trying to do that as a good model for them so that hopefully, as they raise their kids, maybe they will put that model into their life.

Michelle Moore: 17:13

It makes me so sad that we miss such an important part of a relationship with Christ, not only as our husband and wife, but for our children's sake, to know that they can go to God when these things happen.

Daniel Moore: 17:28

Right.

Michelle Moore: 17:28

That we miss such an opportunity yeah, and a lot of it is our pride.

Daniel Moore: 17:34

Right, yeah, we just. We were so caught up in our problems that that's all we really thought about. We didn't think about the true solution.

Michelle Moore: 17:44

No.

Daniel Moore: 17:45

And because, again, it was the pride.

Michelle Moore: 17:47

And we were very selfish.

Daniel Moore: 17:48

Yep, selfishness was involved there. So parents, please take from that If you have a good church life, which you should have, make sure you have your kids in church. Prayer life, yeah Good prayer life, reading your word. Make sure that, as problems do arise if they do arise between you and your spouse, Take it to God.

Daniel Moore: 18:08

Take it to God and pray over those things.

Daniel Moore: 18:13

You and your spouse Take it to God. Take it to God and pray over those things and make sure that if your kids do see that you guys are having some issues because it is hard to hide that sometimes if the two spouses get mad at each other and they make some snide comment and pop off at each other right in front of the kids or whatever it may be it's very important to come back and say, hey, let them see you apologize, let them see you pray over your marriage to fix that issue. It's a good foundation to set for them so that they understand that, hey, no matter this might be your relationship and you might have been the one that walked up to the front of the aisle and said I do, but that doesn't negate the fact that God is not supposed to be the first and foremost part of that relationship. God comes first and God can help you fix those issues, and we need to relay that to our children in the way that we are with each other and that the marriage is worth it.

Michelle Moore: 19:00

Right, like if you get in an agreement, you're not just going to be like, okay, whatever, but the marriage is worth fighting for.

Daniel Moore: 19:07

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 19:07

And you're taking it in front of God fighting for and you're taking it in front of.

Daniel Moore: 19:10

God, that's so important. Yeah, so if we let our children get too involved with our life, where it actually takes precedent in our relationship over our spouses, there's a few things that you have to think about, because I know there's a lot of parents out there that struggle with this. Moms, especially. They put their kids in front of everything, over anything and everything. If the kids that they're beckoning call they, drop everything, even if it has something to do with the spouse, they'll drop it and they'll run right to that. So there's some dangers in that.

Daniel Moore: 19:41

Let's consider a couple of things here. First of all, consider the future. When your children have grown up and moved out, you know what type of marriage will you have after they're gone. Will it be distant and unfulfilling, or will it be intimate and strong? That's the two things that you need to think about when you're putting your children in front of your relationship. Think about the example of marriage that you're setting for them as they start their own lives. If you do not demonstrate a healthy and loving relationship, how in the world are they going to learn to succeed in their own marriages?

Michelle Moore: 20:19

We are the ones that are raising them.

Daniel Moore: 20:20

They're watching us, absolutely. They're watching us grow up. Yeah, literally in front of their eyes, because the way that we handle problems and issues in our marriage, that's going to carry over into how they handle their problems in their marriage. So remember that. You know, as parents, we're their main mentors and role models in all aspects of their life, including marriage. We're the ones that are mentoring them as they're growing up.

Michelle Moore: 20:40

And one of the things that you know, we talked about this when we were going over this Thursday night.

Michelle Moore: 20:46

We were talking about.

Michelle Moore: 20:47

You know, I grew up a lot different than what Dan did, and so one of my big things is I love my children, I love to tell them that I love them.

Michelle Moore: 21:01

Well, you know me, I love to tell you, I love you all the time, and one of the things that you've struggled with is telling someone, especially like even me, you love them, like even telling your children you love them. And part of it is because, hey, you know, you already know I love you, because we argued about this I'm like how do I know you love me if you're not saying that? And that, I feel like, is a good example too in a household, not just when you have those fights, but showing genuinely your children how much you love that spouse by telling them and showing them and also, you know, explain to your children. Hey, we did, but we had this argument, but we're going before God, and you know he's going to take care of it and just know that we love you and you know he's going to take care of it and just know that we love you, Right?

Daniel Moore: 21:52

I like to say that my love language is a little different than other people's. That's my excuse, but in all reality there is a certain type of person out there that's like me. I know there is that it's very hard for you to literally come out and say I love you. Because we do. We think inside of our minds, well, everything that I do should show that I love them. Why do I have to say it, you know, and so a lot of times I'll just forget because I haven't made it a habit, and I will say that you know that as I grew up, my mom and dad, you know they loved us kids. I know they did.

Daniel Moore: 22:28

I have no doubt about it, and if my mom listens to this, I'm sorry, apologize to you here, but it is the truth that us kids really never was told very often by our parents that they did love us. That was not our love language in our home as we grew up. Now, again, it doesn't negate the fact that I don't think that my mom and dad didn't love us for an instant. I don't think that my mom and dad didn't love us for an incident. I don't think that I know they did. They took care of us, they raised us and made sure that we had what we needed through all the struggles because they struggled a lot financially and everything when we grew up it was a whole different time frame back then, but because we as kids really never the love wasn't shown by just speaking it.

Daniel Moore: 23:11

It was more just a known thing that, yeah, we all love each other. We just accepted that that's the way it was. We never really said it. So, therefore, as I became an adult and I started having relationships with other people, so yes, I would tell my wife that I love her. Because, you know, that's what you do when you marry someone. That's how you make sure you rope them in and get them down to that altar. You got to tell them that you love them, you know. So you can't, you can't, you know, bypass that part of the equation.

Michelle Moore: 23:40

But there was a point in our marriage that you didn't really say I quit. Yeah, and so it was like okay, and I would say something. And he's like well, you know, I love you, I wouldn't be with you if I didn't love you. And I'm like well, anybody could be with anybody, it doesn't, you know?

Daniel Moore: 23:55

it's like it would become something that you would instigate.

Aria: 23:59

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 23:59

You would have to say something, and then I felt stupid because I'm like point, but she was trying to teach me a little bit of a lesson that I had to learn and, honestly, probably in the last 15 years has been the first time in my life that I have started working on that, because now I still don't say it as often as I should. I know that I'm not going to say that I do, but I do. I am a lot better, though, even in communicating with really close friends, or just friends in Christ. You know, as we leave, so we'll love you guys. You know we'll talk to you soon or whatever. I've been trying to be a little bit more proactive and sharing that feeling, because it does mean something totally different when you hear it come out of somebody's mouth.

Michelle Moore: 24:49

It does Than just trying to show it.

Daniel Moore: 24:53

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 24:53

So that's very important to make sure that in your relationships be vocal.

Daniel Moore: 24:58

And you know I'm on the prayer team at church and this is another example of this. I'm on the prayer team at church and we do a salvation call every week and whenever I have the opportunity to pray with somebody for salvation, that's one of the first things that I tell them when we get ready to pray. After I talk to them a little bit and kind of pour into them for a moment, before we have that moment that we sit down and say that sinner's prayer, what I tell them is I say, okay, now I'm going to say this prayer, but I want you to repeat it after me. I'm not going to just do the prayer for you. There's something that's there, you know just for God to hear this coming out of your mouth, coming out of your heart, that's going to mean more than anything I could ever say for you. So I always make that very clear when we get ready to pray between each other and in all reality. That attitude and that mindset should carry over into all of our relationships. It is important what you speak.

Michelle Moore: 25:53

Well, you think about how important we are to God and how much he loves us. No matter what we do, he loves us and deeply loves us, more than we can ever think or imagine. That's how I feel about my marriage with you. So it's kind of like you know, I love you. I want you to know how much I love you.

Daniel Moore: 26:13

Right. So it's very important to be vocal with that. So I definitely wanted to, because that's even something I'm still learning as I go through my growth process myself, but I am much better at it. So, regardless of whether it is for God, ourselves, our children, there's got to be priorities in place and we must commit ourselves to keep the priorities in the right order. So there's three things that you can do to establish and adhere to correct priorities. Number one you can sit down and list the most important priorities in your life in the order of importance. Secondly, prove those priorities in real ways. And then, third, prepare to protect those priorities for the rest of your life.

Daniel Moore: 26:58

I've probably never really sat down and wrote my priorities down. I think in my mind I know what my priorities are, but sometimes you know if you can't really seem to get those straight, there's a lot to just sitting down and writing stuff. Sometimes it makes you think about it a little bit more while you're putting it down on paper. So maybe if you're one of those that has problems with trying to figure out where your priorities really are, well, maybe just you know, on an evening, take an hour and sit down at the table with a pen and paper and really think about it. Just think it through when are my priorities at? And be honest about it. Write them down and then see how that list comes out. I mean, you're going to know how important your job is to you. You're going to know how important your kids are to you.

Daniel Moore: 27:43

You're going to know how important those hobbies are and if it's something that you're pouring most of your time into and you're neglecting other places, whether if it's God or your spouse or whatever it may be that list is going to show exactly where your priorities land, so that's probably a good way to start.

Daniel Moore: 28:00

If you're not sure exactly where your priorities land at Now. Here's how that list of priorities should look. This is the biblical list of how to set up priorities in your life. Of course, number one, at the very top, is God, and that includes seeking and serving him personally. That's our very first priority. Secondly, that's where our spouse goes. We should be right below God in that chain of priorities. Then, if you have any children, your children would be third Church, seeking and serving God together with other fellow believers and having that time of fellowship between each other. That should be next in line number four. Number five should be extended family and special friends. So if you have, you know, your immediate family, in-laws, whatever it may be, and then your friends that you hang around all the time. Those should come in place after church. Then your work and careers. You can already see where we're at here. If you've got work up at the top, it's way off because it's actually number six on the list of where our priorities should land when it comes to the biblical model of what this should look like.

Daniel Moore: 29:15

And then number seven is our hobbies and other interests. We've got to remember that. Hobbies, those are just things that you just kind of like to do, it's just something fun that you like to go do, and those really need to be last in your list of everything, because we all have to have our down times. I understand that we all have to have our moments where we get to go do something we really enjoy and whatever, but we've got a lifetime to do that. Don't put those up there in front of your spouse and destroy the most important relationship of your life and destroy the most important relationship of your life when we've got, you know, if the Lord leaves us here, we've got plenty of years on the earth to enjoy our hobbies and even sometimes, you know, do hobbies together. You know Michelle and I like to kayak, yeah. So if we do do a hobby, you know some of them we do together, yeah, and so that's a good relationship builder.

Daniel Moore: 30:09

So if there's hobbies that you do have, that you're on, that's fine, but it's also important to find ones you guys can do with each other, because I think that's very important. We've had some of our most fun times just floating out on the creek with us and some friends right on the lake. That kind of thing is very important. But hobbies, they're at the bottom of the list. That kind of thing is very important, but hobbies, they're at the bottom of the list.

Michelle Moore: 30:31

And it's interesting because, you know, when we first got married, of course we didn't list any priorities, we, you know. But I look at these now and I think, ok, these are good, because this is kind of the way we go with. Now my mom kind of fits in there right after my spouse, because I'm an only daughter and I feel like a lot of times, you know, I love my mom and I want to take care of her. And it's been so interesting to my brother, john. I've never understood how he looked at his family unit and he always talked about how, you know, his wife is Sherry and the kids. Sorry if you guys are listening to this, but he has to. You know he knows that he was to take care of that family unit before putting mom and the rest of us and I don't know that I ever agreed with that up until, you know, it's been a while now, like a couple of years I felt like now I'm like, oh, I get it.

Daniel Moore: 31:32

Once the kids are out of the house, you really figure it out.

Michelle Moore: 31:34

Yeah, I mean I was like, oh, I don't understand that. But now I understand it and I wish I would have had that biblical view long before where we're at, a couple of years ago. So you know, it's very interesting when you have your family speak up and say things like that, but not understand and mostly agree. But I wish we would have had this list a long time ago to look at and to go by.

Daniel Moore: 32:01

Actually, yeah Well, it's a lot easier when you can sit there and actually have it written in front of you and read it.

Daniel Moore: 32:11

Versus in your mind.

Daniel Moore: 32:12

You know, as you're reading through Scripture it's harder to put those together, especially if you don't have a good Bible study life.

Daniel Moore: 32:15

You're probably never going to put it together. But as you read through the Word and you start pulling these priorities out and actually aligning them with the importance of how God speaks about those in the Bible, then you're going to find out that this list of seven priorities, that there is a certain way that those should be listed and this is the way it should be. And so it's very important biblically that we try to stay on that model. But, like Michelle said, there might be sometimes it's not going to be a permanent thing but there might be sometimes where those priorities might get a little bit reversed, and there's nothing wrong with that occasionally if that's the way you know, if the situation requires that. But what we're saying here with this list of priorities, that as the grand scheme of things in your life, from the time you say I do till the day that you die, this should be the way you really prioritize your life on a daily basis according to the biblical model.

Michelle Moore: 33:07

And I wish he would have slapped me upside the head and said, Michelle, this is what you guys should be going by. But he didn't. Thanks, John.

Daniel Moore: 33:13

Yeah yeah. It's awesome when you can see other couples that do follow that kind of thing and, honestly, sometimes it can make the couple look selfish in a way, but that's not what it's about.

Michelle Moore: 33:28

And it took me four I mean a couple of years ago to finally recognize what he was doing, or what he said and what he meant, and I really wish he would have slapped me a long time ago and said the same thing.

Daniel Moore: 33:42

Yeah, but you may be thinking so. With these priorities in place, how do we prove these priorities in real ways? Well, let's go back to the Word. Let's go back to the Word for context on that. If you go to John, chapter 14, verse 15, it says if you love me, you will keep my commandments.

Daniel Moore: 34:01

Now, this verse here emphasizes the importance of actions over words when it comes to proving our love for God. If we claim that God is our top priority, then everything that we do, all of our actions, should reflect that. This means spending time in prayer, reading the Bible, attending church and living according to His teachings. It's not enough to simply say that we love God. We must show it through our daily actions and decisions. When we consistently prioritize God in our lives, it becomes evident to others. Our relationship with Him will grow stronger and we'll experience His love and blessings in a real and tangible way. By living out our faith in a visible and demonstrable manner, we can prove our priorities and show our love for God in a way that others can see and be inspired by, and show our love for God in a way that others can see and be inspired by.

Daniel Moore: 34:51

So, in the context of our marriage. We were just talking here just a while ago about how we need to speak that we love each other. Well, this same concept applies here as well. Actions speak louder than words, just as in our relationship with God. It is very important that we say I love you to each other, but then we need to back that up. So by just simply saying I love you to your spouse, that's not enough. That's not all that's required of us as spouses.

Daniel Moore: 35:18

We also must show our love through our actions and behaviors, and you know men need to understand that women do not measure love by what they hear. When we prioritize our spouse in our daily lives, it demonstrates our love and commitment to them, our spouse in our daily lives. It demonstrates our love and commitment to them, and this can look like spending quality time together or actively listening and communicating with one another, showing appreciation and affection and supporting each other in both good times and bad. When we consistently put effort into our marriage and prioritize our spouse, our relationship will go stronger and we'll experience a deeper connection and intimacy. Our actions will show our spouse that they are important to us and that we are committed to making the relationship work by putting actions into words and consistently showing love and care for our spouse, we can strengthen our marriage and we can build that solid foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Daniel Moore: 36:16

If we do not act upon our convictions, words will be of little use. So when you guys, if you're listening and we were talking about a while ago that you need to tell your wife that you love them, don't take it that that's all you got to do. That's not where it stops. You have to follow up with that. Be a part of the home. You know Michelle mentioned earlier that. You know I do. I cook breakfast pretty much every morning. Sometimes she'll cook it, but it's very rare. It's just something that I've taken on and that I do and I enjoy cooking breakfast for her and I have to.

Michelle Moore: 36:54

I'm thankful that you do Very thankful.

Daniel Moore: 36:57

Well, I have to be at work a little bit earlier than she does and it takes her a little bit longer to get around. I don't, you know, have to do a lot of the makeup and all that kind of thing, thank the Lord. And so I usually get up and get around pretty quickly, and then, while she's getting around, I go ahead and I go in and I start cooking a little bit of breakfast for us, and so by the time it's ready, she's ready to come in and eat, and then we have breakfast together. Yeah, that's one of the other things that's pretty important to us. As you know, even if she's not quite ready yet, the breakfast will sit there for a few minutes until she'll come in not ready, right. A few minutes until she'll come in, not ready, right.

Daniel Moore: 37:38

So it's little things like that, or even just taking the trash out without being told, or like sometimes she'll be cooking dinner and I come in and, like the other night she was making some soup and it required to have some sausage browned and that kind of thing, and we was kind of on a time constraint that evening to get it done, and so once she got there, she started on one side of the kitchen, I started throwing the sausage in the pan and started trying to help and did what I could to help put that together and I know that she appreciated that. Oh yeah, absolutely Tremendously. So it's just little things like that that you have to think about. When I go out to do the yard work, she insists that she's out there helping me.

Michelle Moore: 38:18

I love it.

Daniel Moore: 38:19

You know, to me I always think of, you know, riding the mower and weed eating and all that kind of thing. You know I'm more than happy to do it. It doesn't bother me one bit. But the fact that she shows such an interest to be out there helping me do that, it lets me know how much she cares about helping me with the stuff that I have to do. So whenever she says that she loves me I can always think back to the point. Well, okay, she says that to me, but then she also goes out there and she'll ride the mower for an hour and mow the yard, or she'll. You know we have three dogs and so we have a weekly duty of picking up dog poop every week Sorry.

Daniel Moore: 38:59

Yeah, it looks like a war zone out there if we don't. And so she jumps right in and starts you know, we'll pick up the front and she'll pick up the back or whatever. And our son helps us sometimes with that because he's still here, but things like that. That's what we're talking about here. When you mix this up, you mix and match, not only just saying it, but you've got to have actions, and that's just like our relationship with God. We can say we love God, all we want to, but if the first person that walks up and makes a comment that we don't like, we just snap back at them and be real hateful and whatever. And then we get done chewing that person out for what they just said and tell them how stupid they were or whatever. And then we stop talking to them and say, hey, why don't you come to church with me Sunday? You think that person's going to want to go to church with you. I mean, really, you just got to think about this stuff.

Daniel Moore: 39:49

What we believe inside of us comes out eventually, and people are watching. They're watching your relationships, they're watching how you carry yourself. If you say you're a Christian, the best way to prove that is, over the long run. People are going to see how you handle situations, how you handle stress, how you handle irritation, how you handle your marriage. They're going to see a lot of things that they're going to put together and think, okay, I believe they are a Christian.

Daniel Moore: 40:14

I can tell with the way that they handle situations and the way that they approach solutions to problems. And you know, they always talk about bringing God into the middle of it. They always express that they pray over this and they pray over that. Okay, I get it, they are good Christian people. Well, that goes into the other side of it. If I tell people that I love my wife more than anything and I would do anything for her, but then they never see me do anything for her, how is that going to prove my point, you know? So I can sit there and say I love Michelle, all I want to, but if I'm not doing stuff to back that up at the same time, to bring that full circle, then do I really love her? Like I say, I do, right. So that's just some things that we have to keep in mind with these priorities. When we put these priorities in this list, our actions should also just be just every bit as strong or stronger than our words.

Michelle Moore: 41:03

Yep, you're exactly right on that.

Daniel Moore: 41:04

So another thing that we need to mention is that if you set priorities, you need to be prepared to protect them. This is a big one. Looking at time and energy as if they were money can be a helpful analogy to understand the importance of protecting priorities. Just as money is a limited resource that needs to be budgeted wisely, time and energy are also limited assets that require careful allocation. If we spend all of our time and energy on non-essential activities and tasks, we may neglect the things that are truly important to us, such as spending time with loved ones, pursuing personal goals or nurturing our marriages. Just like it would be unwise to spend all of our money on luxuries and leave nothing for necessities like rent or food, it's similarly unwise to exhaust all our time and energy on an important task and neglect our priorities. That's good.

Daniel Moore: 41:57

So we can have this list of priorities in place all we want to, but if we don't enforce with people from the outside that come in and try to intrude on that space that we have set aside for how we prioritize things, if we constantly let outside things that come in to get in the middle of those priorities and rearrange them, yeah, they're not really a priority. We have to be super careful with that and make sure that we protect that list.

Michelle Moore: 42:28

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 42:29

Of how those things are and make sure that, regardless of whatever it may be unless it's just, I know, like they always say stuff happens. So I'm not saying that something might not come up sometime that might twist a priority out of place for just at one point in time, but you cannot let that continue. You have to make sure that you protect whatever you say is more important to you in your life. You got to make sure you protect that and keep it that important in your life because that shows how dedicated you are to that and what that really means to you.

Michelle Moore: 43:01

And I feel like too, if you and your spouse may be on a different communication level at that time, I think it's very important that you pray and how to speak to your spouse of the level of priority as out of whack, because one spouse may be going a different direction and the other spouse knows it's not the right direction, that their priority is getting out of whack. So it's very important to pray on how to handle that communication with the other spouse. Yeah, because we walk that Like. I had a friendship that was way out and you've seen it.

Daniel Moore: 43:48

You saw it, but Well, this friendship was during the time that the affair was going on and it. It was another uh wedge. Yeah, that was actually driven between me and you. We already had our problems already, yes, and that friendship was just another wedge that made it that much yeah, and I thought they were a great friend at the time.

Michelle Moore: 44:10

I, I mean, I I didn't really I guess, I just didn't see it. I mean I guess, but you knew, you knew and you tried, you know, telling me and I didn't listen. So, again, God was not my priority. I was very selfish in that at that time of life and I think it's, you know, very important that you know the other spouse is trying to communicate something with you that you need to take heed to what they are saying, because they can see where you're headed sometimes, because they've prayed and they're in line with God.

Daniel Moore: 44:47

Yeah, and it's safe to say that's a good example for our priority list.

Michelle Moore: 44:51

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 44:51

You took number five and put it at number one. Yeah, Because number five is extended family and friends. Yeah, that should have been after God spouse, children and church.

Michelle Moore: 45:01

Yeah, I didn't even get. I mean, I got that so misaligned it wasn't even funny. Yeah, like it was bad.

Daniel Moore: 45:08

And it's, you know, pretty much almost caused a disaster in our marriage. It pretty much almost caused a disaster in our marriage and I'm not saying that was the only cause. I don't want to say that that was the only reason, but it was a huge factor into the already going problems. Just another, as I said, a wedge that was stuck inside of there that should not have been there, and so it's very important that we keep these priorities in alignment with.

Daniel Moore: 45:30

God and what he wants for us. So, as we've been discussing this week as we close here, as we talked about this list of priorities and I know you guys have had to have been thinking about this while we're talking about it in your mind did you pick God as your first priority? As you really sit there and thought about what Michelle and I have been talking about over this last 45 minutes or so here, could you see yourself having God in that number one slot? Well, if so, then he must get the best of your time and your energy. Did you pick your spouse second? Was that in alignment as well with this list that we just gave you? Well, if your spouse was the second one in that priority list, then they should get the next best. Then if your kids were in their third, then they would get the next best, and it just goes on and on down that list until everything that's in your priority list is exhausted.

Daniel Moore: 46:29

But we have to understand that there comes a point where we have to figure out how we allocate our interest, how we allocate how we look at things in life and how we prioritize these things in our life, and we have to make sure that we can allocate that time and energy in the right priority, in the right order, to make sure that each and everything gets the most of what it's supposed to get. And if you do this, it's very difficult to fail, because if we keep God first, obviously he can help us through anything, and so as long as both spouses have the same list of priorities and are on the same page, then there's not much way that Satan can defeat that.

Michelle Moore: 47:12

And I'm so glad that we figured this out. Yeah 20 some years of marriage. We finally figured this out. Would have been nice to post it on our wall the first day we got married.

Daniel Moore: 47:23

Yeah, no doubt about it. Well, if something or someone is going to have to do without the priority of my time and energy, I can guarantee you it's not going to be Michelle. That's something that I have learned over time and I'm going to make sure that she has that priority in my life where she's supposed to be at. As a result, michelle's happy with our relationship. I'm not going to say we don't have our arguments and don't have our ups and downs, but now we know how to work through them Absolutely, and we know how to take care of them. And I'm a happy husband because, again, we have learned how to love God's way. Yeah, we've learned how to put Him first in there and honoring that law of priority.

Daniel Moore: 48:07

There's no way that we can improve on God's design. There's no way that we can do it any better. God is going to tell us how to do it. That's always going to be the best step forward. There's no way we can improve on that.

Daniel Moore: 48:20

He made marriage as something sacred and beautiful and it will stay that way if we prioritize it properly. So most days it's a lot of just living and if you're not careful it can be easy to say that it's just becoming monotonous and we can push our spouse and the covenant that we made to the back burner to take care of all the other pressing matters and maybe even lose our own selves in that process. It's very easy to do that as well, but the thing is to remember. Don't do that. Don't forget that honeymoon phase. Don't become a roommate with the person who gave you butterflies back in the day. Don't always prioritize children, sleep chores, tasks, family over time for your marriage. Sometimes, yes, we need to take care of these things first. But maybe throw a little bit of caution to the wind on a relatively regular basis and maybe you'll want to hold on to that marriage instead of letting it go.

Aria: 49:18

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 49:18

It will take some effort and a lot of commitment to hang on to that honeymoon, but isn't that worth fighting for, rather than just becoming one more statistic?

Michelle Moore: 49:28

Yeah, absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 49:30

We're going to close this week with that and I hope that you guys have gotten something from this week's episode. Did you have anything else to add to this?

Michelle Moore: 49:38

Not just the fact that I'm madly in love with you.

Daniel Moore: 49:41

Well, that's the important thing, that's what's important, and I'll do my best to try to keep it that way, but it goes both ways. I'm madly in love with my wife as well. I'm so thankful where God has brought us to, but we had to rearrange our priorities to get there. So, as we go this week, that's going to be all for this episode. I'm Daniel Moore. My wife, michelle, has been sitting in here with me, and thank you, guys, for listening. The show really would be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Subscribe to us on your favorite platform. The links for those are in the show notes. That's all for this week, and we'll be back next week with another episode in our marriage series, the Four Laws of Love. And as we go, we believe that God's Word never fails us. God's Word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.

Aria: 50:34

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.