Does Become One Flesh Just Refer to Sex? - 214

·         Are you completely surrendered to your mate?

·         Is there something you are holding back and not sharing with them?

·         Are you controlling your spouse and not treating them as an equal?

Placing everything we have into a marriage offers the invaluable advantage of complete mutual sharing. Both partners belong entirely to each other, with no barriers preventing them from sharing every aspect of life.

Intimacy is not built on great sex or deep conversations; authentic intimacy emerges when two individuals intertwine their lives to such a degree that their identities become inseparable.

Opting for independence and safeguarding personal rights is a valid choice, but genuine intimacy cannot be attained through this approach. Intimacy is nurtured by a selfless, giving, and sacrificial spirit that is fully transparent and devoted to its cherished partner. In contemporary society, many individuals yearn for intimacy within relationships, yet their selfish inclinations hinder them from paying the price.

This week we continue our series on the 4 Laws of Love. We are starting out the law of Partnership. We pray you have a blessed week!

Chapters

• 0:04 The Law of Partnership in Marriage
• 10:34 Mutual Ownership and Trust in Marriage
• 22:32 Financial Stewardship in Marriage
• 29:10 Financial Transparency and Blended Family Dynamics
• 36:12 Blended Family Dynamics and Discipline
• 44:40 Healing Past Pain Through Transparency
• 49:40 Embracing Shared Pain and Ownership
• 59:52 Connecting the Gap Podcast Overview

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:04

The first thing that needs to be noted here is everything that we have is God's. That includes every dime we make. We only make that through the blessing of God on our life, and so this gets into the financial stewardship side of things, according to how the Bible lays it out, and we have to remember that. You and I can argue all we want to over what we purchased, but in all reality that money was God's before it was ours.

Daniel Moore: 0:34

He gave that to us, and so that's why it's so important that we need to go back and pray about what we do spend the money on before we even both decide. Let's talk about this and figure out where this money's going. This week, on Connecting the Gap, we are starting off a brand new law in the four laws of love. We're going to be talking about the law of partnership. We'll be back with that right after this. Believe it too. Welcome once again to Connecting the Gap Podcast. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. Thank you guys for joining us this week. We've been doing an extensive series on marriage here over the last couple of months, so once again, I have my wife, michelle, sitting in here with us today and she's going to be helping us get through another episode. This is a podcast about marriage. We do Bible and book studies and we also have interviews with people that have a story, and we thank you guys for joining us this week.

Daniel Moore: 1:57

If you're not familiar with our show, you can check out our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet. All of our platforms are there YouTube and Rumble links. We are also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. You can also visit us on social at facebookcom forward slash ctgaponline If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms and give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. We'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.

Daniel Moore: 2:23

Also wanted to let you guys know that we are on Instagram at this point as well. So all of you Instagram users out there, if you search for CT Gap Online, we are on Instagram and we're using that to share our episodes out and our daily posts that we try to do daily. Sometimes they're not every day, but the posts that go out are now being sent to Instagram as well. So just another way to reach more people with our podcast. Well, this week, as I said in the intro, we're going to be talking about the law of partnership and over this series here we've been talking about different ways that husbands and wives, how spouses, need to work together, how they need to be cohesive with each other throughout the relationships be transparent and open, and one important aspect of being a husband and a wife in a relationship is you have to be partners, and we're going to be talking about that this week on Connecting the Gap connecting the gap and they shall become one flesh.

Michelle Moore: 3:35

The passage from Genesis 2.24 mentioned previously is a clear allusion to sexual intimacy. As stated in 1 Corinthians 6.16, engaging in sexual relations with someone of the opposite sex results in a deep physical and spiritual connection. The verse in Corinthians serves as a caution from the Apostle Paul to the morally corrupt Christians in Corinth, advising them against engaging in promiscuity with prostitutes. Paul referred to this act as a violation of one's own body. In addition to the literal interpretation of becoming one flesh through sexual intercourse, genesis 2.24 outlines a principle of marriage that extends to all aspects of life. We refer to this as the law of partnership. This principle is crucial for building trust and intimacy in a relationship. By comprehending and following this principle, we will encounter a profound level of unity and connection within the marriage. Yet if we inadvertently violate this principle, it can have a damaging impact on trust and closeness in this relationship. To grasp the full significance and consequences of the law of partnership within marriage, it is important to recognize this fundamental truth Marriage is a comprehensive union where all previously individual possessions and responsibilities are now collectively owned and managed. There are no exceptions to this rule. Anything in a marriage that is not willingly shared with the other person remains outside the partnership, resulting in justified feelings of legitimate jealousy.

Michelle Moore: 5:21

The concept of becoming one flesh encompasses more than just physical intimacy. It involves merging all possessions and associations of two individuals into a unified entity that is jointly owned and managed. If a spouse is unwilling to integrate certain aspects into the partnership, they are violating the law of partnership and infringing upon the other spouse's rights. To gain a complete understanding of God's intention for unity in marriage, it is essential to examine Paul's teachings on sex and the marital bond in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7. In this section, paul not only expands on his earlier remarks from chapter 6, but provides a more thorough explanation of them. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.

Daniel Moore: 6:36

And so as we come into this week's episode talking about partnership, it brings up to my memory something that I like to joke about a lot and I know a lot of you guys out there have probably heard it as well. But when people will ask you know well, do you and your wife get along? You know how's everything go between you two? And they're like, yeah, it goes great, what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers.

Daniel Moore: 7:02

And you know how that joke goes and you know, the bad problem about that is there are couples out there that really believe that, and that's the issue. And in all reality, that has to remain just being a joke, because when you are in a partnership, one person does not have the right to keep things from the other one. That's right In any aspect of their marriage, regardless if it's intimate, if it's belongings, money, that's a big one, and we'll talk about that a little bit today. But there's so many areas that if you're going to be in an actual partnership, so I look at this kind of like owning a business. Okay, so I start this business and I can't do it on my own, so I bring in an outside person. We'll just even take this away from the spouse.

Daniel Moore: 7:49

I bring in a best friend of mine and he sows in 50% into that business. Well, we become partners. Now if I start, if I'm the one keeping the books and I'm sitting there doing all the financials or whatever, and then he comes up and says, hey, you know what's our profit margins looking like right now? How are things going? And I look at him and say, well, you know, that's my business, you know, you don't need to know about any of that. You just go, do what you do and sell or whatever, and I'll take care of that. I would have to believe that that partnership's probably not going to last very long and I'll take care of that.

Daniel Moore: 8:27

I would have to believe that that partnership is probably not going to last very long because both people that are in that partnership relationship in that business have full right to know every aspect of that business and what's going on, what's taking place where you are financially, because in essence, what ends up happening if you're not careful is that's how people start bilking money off the books. I mean, they start padding numbers here and there and hiding stuff and if the other person doesn't know the details of all of that, then it's real easy for it to be a lopsided relationship at that point and just like that partnership between me and my friend and that business. There's probably no way that that would last for an eternity, because somebody we're going to crash eventually and it's probably going to be a separation there and lose a friendship yeah, probably. And that same aspect takes place in marriage.

Michelle Moore: 9:15

Yeah, and as you're talking about that, I think sometimes personalities come in that because you have passive personalities, that if you have a partnership in the business and they're like, oh, you just do whatever you need to. I trust you, you know, and even in a relationship, hey, I love you, you just do whatever you need to, I'm good.

Daniel Moore: 9:36

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 9:36

But then is that really right?

Daniel Moore: 9:39

Yeah, and we're going to be talking.

Daniel Moore: 9:40

We got some examples we're going to be sharing today from some different aspects in marriage that we're going to talk about to kind of give some clarity on how we can make some mistakes in these partnerships.

Daniel Moore: 9:52

So, as Michelle, as she was reading here and starting out, you know, as Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians, about the husband's supposed to fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise wife to her husband. Well, if you consider Paul's instruction regarding the possession of our bodies within the context of the marriage, he emphasizes the transition and ownership and management of our physical selves from individual control to shared ownership and management with our spouses. So now a caveat here this does not condone any form of abuse by any means, but it highlights the necessity of a complete partnership in order for unity to be achieved within marriage. This encompasses all aspects, including our bodies. So I guess, in the little joke that I said earlier, the best way to say that is what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours. That's how that really needs to go, because I shouldn't be withholding anything from my side from you.

Michelle Moore: 10:47

Right.

Daniel Moore: 10:47

And vice versa. You know, we should be open and very I think I like the first part though. You like that, especially if it's on your side. That's right, yeah, I can imagine. Sorry, but it's a good thing we live biblically.

Michelle Moore: 11:00

I know Sorry.

Daniel Moore: 11:01

But it's a good thing we live biblically, I know, but the reality is though, unfortunately, probably more often than not, there's couples out there living in a backwards relationship. There's one holding on to so much and hiding things from the other spouse.

Michelle Moore: 11:20

We were there.

Daniel Moore: 11:21

Yeah, and it's not biblical.

Daniel Moore: 11:23

That's not how God made this to work Right. Failure to engage in mutual ownership and management in all areas of the relationship can definitely result in division and problems, just like my example with the business. Each aspect of the partnership that we willingly surrender for joint ownership and management contributes to the cultivation of trust and intimacy in the marriage. So as we get started, we're going to go through four different illustrations here. Four examples to illustrate the results and consequences when the law of partnership is violated. And these are true stories, by the way, so that kind of adds a little bit more of an interest level to this. But the names have been changed in these stories.

Michelle Moore: 12:07

And remember this comes from the book the Four Laws of Love by Jimmy Evans.

Daniel Moore: 12:12

Yes, and so I'm going to read the first one here and we'll talk about it, and then we'll go through the other three here as we get to them. So in example number one, fred desired to be intimate and enjoy sex, but Marilyn would not participate when he did something that angered her. Then she would tell him I am going to cut you off for a week if you do that again. And she meant it. Fred and Marilyn came to Jimmy Evans' office when the problems in their relationship grew to the point that they were on the verge of separation. And their relationship grew to the point that they were on the verge of separation. Fred resented Marilyn because she was aware of his strong sex drive and used her body as a means to punish and manipulate him. In other words, marilyn used sex to control her husband and their marriage. Not only did she cut Fred off when he misbehaved, but she also bargained for things with sex.

Daniel Moore: 13:03

Fred angrily related to me an incident concerning a budget they had established to help work out their tight financial situation. Both had agreed to honor their plan and to limit their spending. One day Marilyn saw a dress she wanted but knew buying it would throw off their budget. After agonizing over the issue for a while, she confronted Fred and asked to buy the dress anyway. Well, fred politely said no, and he explained why. Well, immediately, marilyn began to bargain seductively Fred, if you'll let me buy that dress, I will let you have sex twice a day for the next week. Well, you might think that this scenario would be any man's dream, but you would be mistaken, although Fred admitted to playing the bargains for sex game for a while, and he described his feelings this way why can't Marilyn have sex with me? Because she loves me and wants me, or at least because she loves me and wants me to be happy and satisfied? Why does sex have to be a weapon or a bargaining chip to get her own way? I have come to resent sex with Marilyn because I feel she withholds her body from me and does not understand or honor my sexual needs.

Daniel Moore: 14:12

While there are times of the month when a woman's body may not be available for intercourse, a woman should never communicate to her husband that her body does not belong to him in an unqualified manner to meet his sexual needs. Of course, this does not mean or even imply that a man may sexually abuse his wife by physical force or through emotional pressure, make her do something that violates the Word of God or her conscience. It does mean exactly, though, what the Apostle Paul expressed In marriage our bodies no longer belong exclusively to us. We must give them to our spouses for the purpose of mutual sexual satisfaction. Two brief statements should be made here before we go on to the second example.

Daniel Moore: 14:54

The first thing that we need to point out here about this story emphatically is that this principle works both ways. It's just as true for husbands as it is for wives. Ways it's just as true for husbands as it is for wives. There's been many wives that have complained that they want more sex than their husbands, but they are uninterested and unwilling to participate. It's just as wrong for a husband to do this as it is for a wife, because in both cases the law of partnership is being violated and the marriage will suffer as a result.

Daniel Moore: 15:22

And secondly, hopefully you've recognized by now the essential role trust plays within marriage. Trust is a foundation that promotes and protects the ability to give oneself and one's body unconditionally to a spouse. Every person should ask this question before marriage Can I trust this person completely with every area of my life? Unless the answer is yes. You will have difficulty giving yourself to that person. If you cannot give yourself to your partner completely, at some point they will feel violated. Therefore, the issue of trust is of major importance to the success of every marriage. So here, in this first scenario that we share here, as we started the episode, michelle was reading so that definitely violates Corinthians correct.

Daniel Moore: 16:13

I mean, paul was specifically stating that and he even put this in the sexual aspect when he actually wrote the scripture that whenever we become married and we've talked about this several times throughout this podcast that guys have needs that women don't and women have needs that guys don't Right, and so it's real easy probably for this scenario to happen where you start dangling it like a carrot in front of somebody and say, okay, well, if you do this, this is your reward.

Daniel Moore: 16:45

Yeah, you know, and it's probably real easy to do that in a marriage because we are so different and a lot of times, if you know, if the spouse, the wife, is not in the mood, but the man is, and you know they don't get together and make that happen. If that becomes a normal scenario on a regular basis, then that's where that division starts to happen. And I know, in our marriage back, especially when we were getting into the point where we were starting to have a lot of problems, that's probably one of the areas, one of the very first areas that we probably did cut off from each other a lot more was the sexual side.

Daniel Moore: 17:24

Yeah, that we probably did cut off from each other a lot more was the sexual side, yeah, and whenever that happened, how did that make you know? How'd that make you which I know we had issues and so kind of talk about a little bit. So whenever, whenever that happened with us, it's because we were angry with each other. Right, we were starting, we were starting to head down that slope that we should not have have went down. We were starting to head down that slope that we should not have went down. So do you feel like, from your side of it, was it your way to punish me or was it just a change in your perception of our marriage and you just had no desire?

Michelle Moore: 17:56

I think it was both. I think there was times that I did it just simply because you made me mad and I was like this is a way to get back. Was it right? No, it wasn't. And the other time, I mean it was just something that I just I didn't want to do, like it was like you know, just me myself, it was not in the right mindset. So it's like withholding from you. I think it was both ways actually For me. How about you?

Daniel Moore: 18:25

Yeah, I mean that division. We were angry back and forth. It's hard to be intimate when you're upset with someone and really mean it.

Michelle Moore: 18:34

Well, and I think part of it too, is when you're not talking or communicating, you're not going to work through it. Yeah, and when you're not going to work through it, you can't have that relation with each other.

Daniel Moore: 18:52

To make up, right, and that also brings up a little bit too, and this may come up again later. I don't know for sure, because I haven't gotten that far out there, but uh, if you do get it into it with each and what. We did talk about this a little bit once because I remember you don't use sex to make up for it. Now people do it.

Michelle Moore: 19:12

We've done it.

Daniel Moore: 19:13

I'm sure everybody's probably done it in a marriage, but in all reality that did not fix the problem.

Michelle Moore: 19:18

Right. That's the reason why communication is very, very important. I mean I think any time that this is the way I feel now, just simply because I mean we don't really fight or argue or anything. I mean, we've been through so much and we know where we're at. But I would say back then, right when we were trying to work things out, I mean, if we couldn't talk it through, we just didn't have sex. You know, that was something. Until we figured out like, okay, how are we going to work this through? We didn't let our emotions or our feelings get the best of us. I mean, we loved each other. But you have to be careful with that because I, you know, emotionally or physically attached to you. You have to have that communication to work out those problems and bring God into it. Then I think at that point in time, you're doing it for the right reasons, you know.

Daniel Moore: 20:11

And that's very important, because the next thing I was going to say as you were talking there is God created the sexual intimacy part of marriage for a purpose. Making up after a fight was not that purpose.

Michelle Moore: 20:22

No.

Daniel Moore: 20:24

That is one of the most intimate things that a couple can share. That is the most intimate thing, yeah, that a couple can. That's why you don't go to the prostitutes.

Michelle Moore: 20:31

It's just beautiful, yeah, yeah.

Daniel Moore: 20:32

That's why you don't bring the third people into the triangles and the quadruples and the swapping, all the stuff that happens nowadays that Satan enjoys. Yeah, that is not God's purpose for the sexual part of our marriage, and God knew from the very beginning, because of the way that he created us as human beings, that we were going to have a struggle with the sexual side of our relationships and that it was going to be real easy to be tempted by people outside of the marital bond, and there was going to be issues there, and I think that's why he specifically spent time in the Word explaining the hey, when you're married, everything belongs to both of you and your bodies are included in that.

Daniel Moore: 21:16

Nobody else has any business been in the middle of that. So let's go ahead now and go ahead and read example number two.

Michelle Moore: 21:23

Okay. At my first meeting with Elsie and LaDonna, they seemed to be a young couple with everything going for them. They were both sweet, god-fearing people, but they had a serious problem, a wedge that was deeply dividing their marriage. Ladonna had received an inheritance from her father who had died recently, but Elsie controlled the finances from her father who had died recently. But LC controlled the finances At first. She did all the talking, describing her deep resentment toward her husband. My father died last year and left me $65,000, she told me. As LC looked uncomfortably toward the floor. When we received it, I knew I needed to share it with LC, and I did. As she continued, her voice began to break and tears streamed down her face. When we got the inheritance check from my father's estate, lc spent half of the money on a new truck for himself, without even asking what I thought. He then put the other half in investments. I felt betrayed, she said in a trembling voice as she reached toward the box of tissues on the coffee table in front of her.

Michelle Moore: 22:32

After a short and awkward silence, ladonna concluded her remarks with this statement I didn't mind him getting a truck, and I know we needed to put some in investments, but two things really bothered me. First, elsie never even asked me what I wanted to do with the money. He simply took possession of it as if it were all his. Second, I have told him several times I want to take a few thousand dollars and fix up our house. After buying the truck and investing the rest, he told me we didn't need to fix up the house because the kids were. He told me we didn't need to fix up the house because the kids were still young and we couldn't afford it right now. That was more than I could take, with the gauntlet obviously thrown toward LC. He offered this defense. Well, I know she's upset just because I wouldn't let her buy the furniture and stuff she wanted, but I just didn't think it was a practical right. Then Every time I tried to talk to her about the situation she got emotional, like she is now, and I couldn't reason with her.

Michelle Moore: 23:34

For the next 30 minutes I explained two things to Elsie. First, the way he had spent the inheritance money showed LaDonna very clearly that he had taken sole possession of it and did not care about her opinions or desires, although it came from her father. He did not ask her for advice and what little she offered was ignored. I told him that everything they owned was a joint possession that was supposed to be administered as a couple. I explained to him that his dominant, insensitive behavior was completely to blame for their current situation and that the solution for him to repent to LaDonna and to begin to treat her with respect.

Michelle Moore: 24:16

Second, I explained to Elsie how important a woman's home is to her. When he denied his wife's request to fix up the house, he was effectively saying to her I really don't care about your world, I have my truck and my world is doing great. He obviously wrestled with the advice I gave him that day, but finally he agreed to pray about the situation and to discuss it again with LaDonna. Later she told me everything had been worked out and they were getting along much better.

Daniel Moore: 24:52

Oh, I think I would be mad. Get old finances.

Michelle Moore: 25:03

Yes, and I feel like you know, when I was reading this, that seems to be a situation, I think, in a lot of marriages. I mean, I know it was for us. You know, when you have finances or if you have someone that's in charge of finances and they do what they want to do but not take in consideration of what the other spouse you are going to feel, you know you're going to feel like it's one-sided, it's self-absorbed, and you know it's just, it's not something that I I would not want that done to me. Yeah, and you wouldn't want that done to you. I mean, we discuss everything we buy. It's funny, if I go somewhere and I want something, I mean Dan's not like you can't buy anything like by any means or anything like that but if it's something that's going to be rather large or something, I will text him like hey, I found this, what do you think? What's your thoughts? Should we buy this?

Michelle Moore: 25:54

You know, because in reality, dan does do our finances. He knows much more than I do, because I don't have time and he really doesn't have time and even though I work somewhere that I can see that all the time, I honestly he just does a better job at it and he's more detailed and he keeps it in his brain much better than I do. But he will tell me hey, if you think it's what you want and you know where we're at in our finances, go for it, you know. And then there's been times like, hey, this has come up, don't spend this money. You know, and thank goodness we have a savings and stuff like that.

Michelle Moore: 26:31

But larger purchases I know Dan wouldn't like to buy his dream truck, I mean, and I've told him like, go get it. You know, but we also want to be smart with our money and I think anybody should be praying about anything. And I know a couple that the husband went and bought something rather large and didn't tell his wife until he came home and then told her and she's kind of passive, so she was like, oh okay, you know, and it didn't turn out well for him. And I think it's very important that you know you guys pray together when it comes to this, especially a large inheritance, it needs to be prayed about before.

Daniel Moore: 27:18

Yep.

Michelle Moore: 27:21

I mean, how do you feel about it?

Daniel Moore: 27:22

Well, the first thing that needs to be noted here is everything that we have is God's, and that includes every dime we make. We only make that through the blessing of God on our life, and so this gets into the financial stewardship side of things, according to how the Bible lays it out, and we have to remember that. You and I can argue all we want to over what we purchase, but in all reality, that money was God's before it was ours.

Daniel Moore: 27:55

He gave that to us, and so that's why it's so important that we need to go back and pray about what we do spend the money on before we even both decide. Let's talk about this and figure out where this money's going. Now there's two scenarios out there that I want to talk about real quick here. That's very, very common in couples and they're very dangerous places to be. The first one is the couple that has the one spouse that handles all of the finances and they're the ones that put all the money in the different places or whatever, and there's a lot of people out there that will hide money in different accounts and not tell the other spouse that it's there, and that is completely, 100% wrong, and the reason that I say that is you know, if that spouse ever passes away, that knows where all of this money is located, and the other spouse has no clue that this money is there.

Michelle Moore: 28:47

Well, you're hiding it.

Daniel Moore: 28:48

You're hiding it. You're hiding it from them, you're not being honest and you're showing that other spouse, just like in this situation. Here. You're showing that other spouse that you know what. You don't matter in this. There's no reason for you to know what's going on. I've got this. It's all about me, me, me, me, me, me. That just radiates out of that whole scenario and that is not how God intended that.

Daniel Moore: 29:10

Every penny that Michelle and I make so I have a business on the side plus my normal job, and then Michelle has her job where she makes her income Every penny that we make, we both know exactly where they're at. And it's not just because Michelle works at a bank. I mean, even if she didn't work at the bank, we would still know where all of our money is located, because that's both of our money. Yeah, I didn't make all of it and she didn't make all of it. We both have equal right to that money, but we also have equal responsibility to be financial steward-like in spending that money, according to God's plan in the Bible, right? So that comes back to that. Now you've got the other couples, where the one spouse does all the finances and knows all the ins and outs of the money and all that, and the other spouse could care less. They're just like, well, he's got it or she's got it, that's all that matters. I don't need you know. You ask them well, how much money is in your account right now? I don't know. I mean, go ask him. He's the one that does all of that. That's probably. I don't want to say that that's wrong, but that's dangerous. That's a very dangerous place to be because again that opens up another avenue for some dishonesty or that opens up another avenue for some temptation there for that other spouse to maybe, well, she doesn't really pay attention to what I'm doing. So I think I'm going to open up another account over here and just shove a little over to the side or whatever, and not tell her or not tell him, and so that puts another situation where that could create a problem eventually in those marriages. And so I know everybody out there has their own ways of how they handle their finances in their marriages and I don't want to say there's not a right and a wrong, because there is a right Financially. If you're having problems financially and you just cannot fix it, there are good ministries out there, like Dave Ramsey, and there's Money, wise, financial Issues. There's different places that you can go to and they can help you get a handle on that.

Daniel Moore: 31:17

But this is a big reason that divorces happen is with the finances. That becomes a huge issue sometimes between couples, and when you have this situation like what we just shared here, where one spouse controls every bit of it and does not really care about the other spouse's wants, but yet they're okay blowing the money on their big ticket items, that's a great recipe for a divorce if you're not careful and you'll end up doing marriage counseling or whatever. That's where that road's headed, and so definitely you've got to be careful with that. But the first and foremost thing to remember is everything we have belongs to God. Yep, it does not matter this whole home and everything in this home that Michelle and I live in isn't really ours. It belongs to God first and it's up to us to give God the glory for all of that. In the way that we handle our finances, in the way that we handle our situation, we're giving glory back to God when we do that the biblical way Right, and God will bless you for that. Yep, tremendously, absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 32:21

So just keep that in mind when it comes to this financial thing, both spouses need to know what's going on. They both need to be aware. They both need to know where all the accounts are at. They need to know where all the money's located. They need to be transparent with each other on where that money's being spent. They need to be transparent with each other on where that money is being spent. They need to confide in each other when they're spending that money. There's just a lot of things there to make sure that to actually fulfill this law of partnership. Again, that comes back to the thing I talked about earlier with starting a business with my friend Me and him's not a partner. If I'm not sharing financially where that business is at and I'm hiding money from him, that blows that partnership thing out the door. At that point that becomes I'm the boss.

Michelle Moore: 33:00

Right.

Daniel Moore: 33:00

And he's my lowly employee that doesn't need to know nothing, and that's not how that works. And so just keep that in mind when it comes to this financial stuff in marriages, because this is a very touchy, tricky subject to try to navigate through. The third example here Greg and Tamara both had been married previously, and Tamara had two children from her prior marriage. They were seeking counseling, however, not for the sake of their own relationship, but because Greg and her children were not getting along. This is a common scenario that causes significant problems in marriages where one or both spouses have had previous marriages. Both of them were warm, intelligent people who had been attracted to each other because they complemented each other very well. They were both so articulate and polished. It was difficult at first to determine the seriousness of their situation. Unfortunately, greg and Tamara ended up getting a divorce rather than solving the problem, because Tamara would not share the ownership and control of her biological children with Greg. And you might say, well, but the children weren't Greg's, their father was Tamara's previous spouse. Well, that is true. However, once Greg and Tamara married, the children became part of the new household where Greg was their resident quote-unquote father.

Daniel Moore: 34:14

As Greg confided during a counseling session, he felt that his rights had been violated in two different ways. First of all, he felt Tamara did not trust him enough with her children to allow him to correct them or give input in their lives. She responded by saying they had been hurt enough by the divorce from their father and she was only trying to protect them. Still, greg could not understand how she could trust her own life to him but not the lives of her children. With all of the right intentions, tamara was violating the law of partnership. Even though Greg wasn't the biological father of her children, she still had to share possession of her children with him and he had to be a partner in raising them.

Daniel Moore: 34:53

Regarding disciplining stepchildren, it is best for the biological parent to be the enforcer of the discipline, especially when the marriage is new. However, the step-parent must be an equal in decision-making. They must share possession of all children and must have an equal say in all decisions related to them. Secondly, Greg felt violated by the way Tamar's children treated him. Knowing he had no authority over them, they were disrespectful and disobeyed him constantly. When confronted by their mother about their treatment of Greg, the children would instinctively accuse him of wrongdoing and try to pit their mother and Greg against each other, and it worked. Caught between her children's confused feelings and Greg's legitimate frustrations, tamara chose her children and divorced Greg and I have lots of experience with all of this in a couple of different places.

Michelle Moore: 35:48

It's kind of funny, because when we decided how we were going to read these, he hadn't read them yet.

Daniel Moore: 35:54

Well, I had, but it had been a while.

Michelle Moore: 35:56

He goes, I'll read one and three and't read them yet. Well, I had, but it had been a while. He goes, I'll read one and three and you read two and four and I'm like, looking at it and I'm looking at three and I'm like, oh, you're going to love that one. I'm like you know this one, this one hits you just right.

Daniel Moore: 36:08

Yeah, and this can be a huge issue. So let's go back even before we got married. My dad got divorced and then he got remarried to his second wife. They met online and she lived in New York and when they got married and she moved here, she had two kids, and two of those kids was a son and a daughter and they were the age of my younger siblings and they were married six months if they made it six months, and the kids caused all of that for the most part because as soon as they moved in my siblings I was older, then I was upper teenage years, so I was on the verge of being out of the house anyway.

Daniel Moore: 36:45

But my younger siblings and her two kids clashed and the war was on. And, needless to say, this where they talk about pitting the mother against the father in this story that's exactly what happened.

Michelle Moore: 36:58

I remember that.

Daniel Moore: 36:59

And you know. Eventually it caused a huge division between my dad and his wife at that time I'm not going to say her name, but they ended up divorced. He got an annulment. That's exactly where it went.

Michelle Moore: 37:13

And she moved back.

Daniel Moore: 37:15

Yep, she moved back where she came from and you know, don't think this isn't real, Don't think that this can't happen. I know when you get married and you bring kids into a split family.

Michelle Moore: 37:26

Splendid families are hard, it is hard, it's tough.

Daniel Moore: 37:29

And kids can make or break your marriage. It may be nothing to do with you and your spouse. You two may get along great and think this is the best thing ever, but your kids can go behind your back, especially if they're old enough. They can go behind your back and they can create huge issues. Now Michelle and I got married.

Daniel Moore: 37:48

I had one child at the time, michelle had two, and so we brought our blended family together as well and, yeah, this would be a whole other episode on its own, but there were some behavioral issues there with some of the kids and it just clashed with my personality. And you know, at one point in time I became I had a nickname Sergeant, because I was so, you know, tough on the kids, according to the outside family members and whatever. That's the nickname that they gave me. And, you know, looking back, I do see where I was difficult and hard on our kids a lot of times when I should have handled it differently. I grew up a certain way and I allowed that to articulate how I became a parent.

Daniel Moore: 38:37

And I should not have done that, because in all reality, the way that I grew up really wasn't quite right either, but I let that you know. That showed me how to be a parent later and that's what I did. Yeah, that's how I parented, and I honestly hadn't been with any kids because when my daughter was was born, I was divorced by the time she was one, and so I have been in the every other weekend thing my whole daughter's life. I never really lived with my daughter and so I hadn't really had a chance to be a full blown parent anyway, and I'd been single for five years and doing this back-and-forth thing. And so when Michelle and I got married and she moved in and all of a sudden I've got a house full of kids, I'm an instant dad there was two.

Daniel Moore: 39:18

Well, there was three. Well, yeah, Brooke was still back and forth House full of kids, but still you're dealing with the other spouse still I mean, as they always say, when you get divorced, you're not really divorced, you're just married to two people, that's pretty much how that works and one gets the perks, you know, and the other one gets the relationship.

Daniel Moore: 39:37

But yeah, it's one of those things where I, you know I did it wrong and I've had to apologize to my kids and that did cause some division between me and you. It wasn't I don't really think it was the reason for our divorce necessarily.

Michelle Moore: 39:54

No, I don't really think it was the reason for our divorce, necessarily. No, I mean, you know I didn't like how you handled it. We never talked about it in front of the children, we always did it behind doors. But you know, and I feel like you know, you should never discipline a child when you're anger or you're upset. You need to make sure that you understand when, if you're angry, you're going to take it out on them by raising their voice or something like that. But I feel like you know you recognized it later down the road and I think you know God changed that. I mean, I think a lot of it. I was shocked when we had two little foster kids and you treated them so much better than you treated our children. But I think by then you had learned, like, what you had done wrong. But you're right, you went back and apologized to our children. Yeah, and you know it's mended. They still feel like as kids, as I think if you go back and ask any kid, they'll give you their opinion.

Daniel Moore: 40:46

Yeah, they'll give you their opinion.

Michelle Moore: 40:48

I was beat, you know and.

Michelle Moore: 40:49

I was this and it's like you got to spank him. That's not being beaten, you got to spank him. You know, and I think you know for spanking too, don't spank when you're angry, you know, you know. But I think when I read this I was kind of laughing because I was just like, oh well, you know. I mean, I really do feel like it is when you remarry someone in a blended family, you have to take in consideration your children, the stepchildren, how you're going to discipline, whether it's together. And I love how the fact that Pastor Jimmy Evans talked about this and disciplining and you know, the decision making I by no way was really the one to emphasize the discipline, because he would, my son wouldn't listen to me. So that's when Dan stepped in. But again, like Dan said, he brought in his childhood how he was raised into it. But again, like Dan said, he brought in his childhood how he was raised into it and we really struggled sometimes when it came to discipline.

Daniel Moore: 41:55

We got in lots of fights over it.

Michelle Moore: 41:58

Yeah, but again, we didn't let the kids know it in front of them. That's one thing that I do appreciate the fact that we took that behind closed doors, yeah.

Daniel Moore: 42:08

And so the key to it is what you said. You know, don't react in anger. You've got to calm down and simmer down, and that was my problem is, I would approach the issue and try to correct it at the immediate moment. It would happen, it would tick me off and so I'm already red-faced and fuming and smoke coming out of my ears when I'm going after the kids, and you know they got the wrath of Daniel at that point and that was not the correct way to do that and that's a good way to make your kids hate you.

Daniel Moore: 42:44

And I think too, if you're going to be remarried and in a blended family.

Michelle Moore: 42:47

Do counseling? Yes, I wish Dan, and I would have known some of the sources out there and utilized them.

Daniel Moore: 42:55

And not just the regular premarital counseling. You need to get the blended family counseling.

Michelle Moore: 42:57

Yes, and it's good to know that that is out there. So, if you're in a blended family, seek out that counseling. I mean, we know someone that does that. Seek out that counseling. I mean, we know someone that does that. If you are listening to this podcast and you need that, let us know we can, you know, have them reach out via phone or something, because it's so important. Your marriage is important. Blended families are difficult, difficult, and put God first, your husband, then your children. But it is good to go through a class to let you know how to navigate that.

Daniel Moore: 43:39

Yeah, and I don't want to tell this very often, but you can go to my website, connectingthegapnet. There's a form there you can fill out or you can email us at daniel at connectingthegapnet and you can contact us if you're interested in that type of some counseling or whatever. Like Michelle said, we do know someone that offers that. Just one more thing here before we move on to this last example is like in my dad's situation, for instance, the way that he could have solved that problem. My dad should have taken control of his kids and she should have taken control of his kids and she should have taken control of hers. And if both of them would have put their foot down as parents and said, hey, we're married, this is going to work, we're going to fix this and get it figured out, then the chances would have risen tremendously. I think that it probably would have lasted.

Daniel Moore: 44:27

But I think again, my dad didn't get counseling, he just got remarried and that's the first time he had been remarried with, you know, blended kids coming in and a lot of times when you don't know what's. It's a whole different world than the first marriage and having your own kids. It's a completely different world, and there's so many more things that you have to deal with, and so it'll catch you off guard if you're not careful and it'll put you in a spot where you just don't know what to do. And then you start. Everything you do then is all a reaction, and so then you start feeling flustered and don't know what to do. And then you're at each other's throats and you know the wife has her opinion of what you need to do and the guy has his opinion of what you need to do, and they don't match and you just start having this big blow up.

Daniel Moore: 45:12

But for parents, part of the parental side of this is you've got to be able to have control of your children and to discipline them in a godly manner. Let them know that we're the boss. We are married. Now you guys are going to have to respect the other parent and let this relationship grow, show lots of love. I mean there's just going to be a lot of things there, but that's a whole different episode. I mean we're not going to go any further with that. So go ahead and read example four.

Michelle Moore: 45:41

This is Pastor Jimmy talking, so I just want to let you guys know. When Karen and I got married, we both had a lot of hurts from our past, but there was a big difference in our pain. Karen was willing to share hers with me, but I wasn't willing to share mine. Regarding her past. There wasn't a door Karen wasn't willing to open to me when we talked. She was very open and honest about everything she had been through that had created her pain, even though it took years for the Lord to heal her. Her transparency was courageous. I was different, knowing the things I had been through while growing up. Karen had asked me many times to talk with her about them. I refused. I didn't know how to deal with the pain of certain incidents that occurred while I was a child and a teenager, pain of certain incidents that occurred while I was a child and a teenager. So I didn't. I just denied they existed and stuffed the pain. The problem was my pain affected Karen in a very real way. In fact, it affected every relationship in my life. Silent pain radiates to everyone around it. As long as it hides in the darkness of denial and refuses to open up, it imprisons everyone around it in its icy grip.

Michelle Moore: 46:58

My breakthrough from pain began on the evening. I agreed to talk with Karen openly. One of the first things she went for was my past. A lot of my pain came from an angry absentee father. He was a workaholic. When he was at home he was silent and didn't involve himself in my or my brother's lives. My father rarely talked. I could ask him any question and the response 99% of the time was I don't know. He also never physically touched me from the time I was three years old to the time I was 38 years old at my grandmother's funeral. I was an athlete and invited my dad to come to every one of my games. He didn't come to one of them. Karen knew I was in pain, so on the first night when I told her I would answer her questions, she asked me about my dad not coming to any of my games. She asked me directly Jimmy, when your dad didn't come to any of your games when you were growing up, didn't that hurt you? I quickly responded with no, karen, it really didn't. And then she said something to me I will never forget. She said yes, jimmy, it did hurt you and it's the reason for a lot of your issues. I was shocked when she said that, because I truly didn't know.

Michelle Moore: 48:21

I was in pain, but that changed about two weeks later. I was praying and having my quiet time with the Lord one morning and all of a sudden he took me back to a memory when I played football in middle school. In my mind I was standing in the game, looking at the sidelines to see if my father was there and of course he wasn't. And what I remembered was that I used to pick out another boy's father who was present and pretend he was my dad. On that occasion I chose the father of a friend of mine named Ross. He was a wonderful man and any boy would have been proud to have him as a dad. He was at every game and vocally and enthusiastically supported his son. But many times, without knowing it, he was my dad too, son, but many times, without knowing it, he was my dad too. On the morning, the memory came back to me. So did the pain. It was a rush of unbelievable anger, fury and raw emotion. I didn't know what to do with it. With the help of the Lord and a good Christian counselor, I was able to forgive my father and receive healing for my past hurts. When my father pain was healed, I was a different person and a better husband and father. It would have never happened without me opening up to my wife.

Michelle Moore: 49:40

If you are in pain, then so is everyone around you, and especially your spouse.

Michelle Moore: 49:45

It doesn't matter who your pain is regarding.

Michelle Moore: 49:48

Your spouse is negatively affected the most.

Michelle Moore: 49:52

The only way to prevent your pain from damaging your marriage is to share it with your spouse and let them have ownership of it. When I say you should share your pain, I don't mean you should angrily spew out everything bad as you've been through and every person who has hurt you. I mean you should open every door of pain in your life and allow God, your spouse and godly people into them to help you heal and move forward. In some cases, there are spouses who didn't want to receive their partner's pain or have anything to do with it. If you are in that situation and are in pain, you need to open up to a spiritual leader or Christian counselor and let them help you resolve your past and receive healing. You might also consider asking your spouse to go to counseling with you so that they can be involved in the process, regardless of whether they go with you or not, you can experience freedom in your life and move forward without dragging your past with you as you do. It will change you and your marriage for the better.

Daniel Moore: 51:00

So this little story here pretty much speaks for itself. And I am fortunate because I didn't really have. Now, my dad worked a lot and you know he worked several jobs, so there was a lot of times that he was not able to attend things that we went to, but he was there occasionally, did do things with us as he could, and you know that kind of thing. And I think, michelle, you're pretty much probably the same.

Michelle Moore: 51:29

You played volleyball, your parents came and watched, my mom, yeah, yeah, my dad would show up occasionally.

Daniel Moore: 51:34

Yeah, but he at least was able to be there when he could be. But I do know people that have parents that don't really have anything to do with the things that they do. I know parents that don't like the path that their kids took, so they refuse to go because it wasn't what they wanted them to do. A lot of times, especially when it comes to sports, a lot of fathers are really bad about this. They, if a father done sports when they were a kid and they really didn't do that. Well, they try to live out their sports fantasies through their children.

Daniel Moore: 52:04

And if their children take a different path and decide not to play sports and, you know, do something different, you know get into show choir or something like that, Well, all of a sudden the dad just doesn't want to be no part of it because that's not what I, that's not the kid I raised. You know you, you're, you should be out there playing sports. And then they refuse to go to any of that. This is what happens. You can think it's not going to affect somebody all you want to, but you can think it's not going to affect somebody.

Daniel Moore: 52:30

All you want to, but it does. But in all reality it does. It works on the psyche, it just it works on the individual person of who they are and they're trying. That person is trying to be the person that they feel like God created them to be Right and you're sitting here trying to reformulate them into something you want them to be and that's not how that works.

Michelle Moore: 52:48

Well, you don't live out your kids' life. You don't make your kids live out the life you want.

Daniel Moore: 52:53

Right, and so as we close up this week here, this law of partnership really again, just like the rest of these laws we've talked to or talked about has no exception. Every facet of a thriving, successful marriage must adhere to this law of partnership. Failure to relinquish control and initiate joint ownership will result in a breach of the matrimonial connection. The subject in question is inconsequential Marriage counselors. They'll draw upon numerous instances of couples facing substantial issues and ultimately separating due to their failure to comply with this law of partnership. It's caused many, many, many divorces and I will say that with our marriage.

Daniel Moore: 53:36

I'm a very quiet type personality to an extent myself and I know in our marriage, even when we were having problems, I didn't want to talk about them. I stayed quiet a lot and didn't discuss things and that eventually caused issues. I mean there was a time in our marriage, a front there, that you felt like I wasn't. You didn't know who I was. I mean you've openly asked me a few times. You know I don't. Michelle would tell me she's like you know. I feel like that there's something crazy in your background or history that you're just not. There's like a dark place that you've never told me about or something you know, because I didn't talk about stuff, I kept it all inside. That was, and I've done that since I was a kid, and so I don't know what caused that, if it's just my personality or what. I try to do better now.

Daniel Moore: 54:30

Oh, yeah, absolutely I don't do that anymore, but I think a lot of it too was the reflection of the problems we were going through. I didn't want to have to confront those and admit that we had an issue and I think there was just a lot of stuff going on there. It was easier for me to stay quiet and just not talk about it and hope that it went away Right. It was easier for me to stay quiet and just not talk about it and hope that it went away Right, and I think that's the attitude that I had about it. But in order that you will not think your spouse is being petty and unreasonably resentful when you withhold an area of your life from joint ownership and control, consider what Jesus said to those during a relationship with him relationship with him In Luke 14, 33,. It says in the same way any of you who does not give up everything that he has cannot be my disciple. So when we put that in practical terms, jesus does not expect us to eliminate all of our possessions in order to establish a connection with him. However, he requires us to surrender everything we possess to his authority. However, he requires us to surrender everything we possess to his authority, otherwise we cannot truly follow him. If there is any aspect of your life that you're unable or unwilling to yield to Jesus, then you're essentially prioritizing that over him. Whether if you're consciously doing it or not, that's exactly what's taking place. The elements that we withhold from Jesus are viewed as idols in His eyes, and he refuses to compete with them. It is hurtful to Him when we place greater importance on other entities or individuals and when we struggle to entrust Him with every aspect of our existence. Similarly, when you put this scripture into play in our lives, this principle also applies in our marriages. When there is something we possess that we are unwilling to disclose to our partners, it conveys a message that they hold lesser importance in our lives than that particular item. Furthermore, it suggests that we lack faith in their ability to handle that information together.

Daniel Moore: 56:24

This also brings up the perspective on prenuptial agreements, and Jimmy talks about that a little bit here. With prenuptial agreements, he's totally against those, and the reason for that is because, when you do marry somebody else, in essence you're entrusting yourself to that person once again, just like you did with your first spouse. You're entrusting yourself to that person, and so you should be able to openly share between each other and trust each other to not do something to take that away from the other spouse. Now there is one caveat to this. He says that if you come into the marriage and you have tons and tons of estate built up and you're later on in life, he said, there might be an issue where you might want to do that just to make sure that your children get what they're supposed to inherit, just to make sure that all of that's set in stone and you keep your spouse in that equation as well.

Daniel Moore: 57:21

But in the overall scope of things, prenuptial agreements are not biblical. When it comes to this law of partnership, first of all, we shouldn't be getting divorced. That should never be coming up to begin with. But if the issues happen, where that divorce does happen, because we know life happens, michelle and I has been divorced, so we know that it does happen. But that does not relieve you of that responsibility for when the next spouse comes along. You know I don't do a prenuptial on Michelle now just because she's my second wife and try to keep stuff from her.

Michelle Moore: 57:52

I'd punch you.

Daniel Moore: 57:53

Yeah, so that wouldn't go real well, would it?

Michelle Moore: 57:55

No, I'd chase you down.

Daniel Moore: 57:57

Yeah, so you should have the same respect, and even more so and the same access to me completely just as much as the first marriages that we had, or even more so and so we always have to keep that in mind. So, as you consider the issues of oneness in marriage and seek to become one flesh, there's a couple of questions here as we close. Are you completely surrendering to your mate, and is there something that you're holding back and not sharing with them? Also, are you controlling your spouse and not treating them as an equal? Well, if you identify an aspect of your marriage that currently goes against the law of partnership, you need to promptly seek forgiveness from both God and your spouse, take the steps to rectify it and, furthermore, if there is sin in your life, do not expect your spouse to tolerate it. Instead, eliminate it. While it is important to exhibit empathy and kindness towards each other, it is crucial to recognize the detriment impact of sin on any relationship. In Matthew, chapter 16, verse 25, it says For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. That's going to do it for this week. Did you have anything else to add to this. No, I think we've got it all covered here. Just remember that this partnership is super important and again, it brings back that equality of the spouses. You both are on level grounds and you need to make sure that you treat it that way in your marriages.

Daniel Moore: 59:26

We're going to go ahead and wrap it up for this week and next week. We're going to be ahead and wrap it up for this week and next week. We're going to be talking about dominant relationships. There's situations out there in marriages where there is a spouse that just dominates the other one and they think that that's cool, they think that's okay, they don't have any problem with that whatsoever, but God has a huge problem with that. And so for you to get that episode, make sure you subscribe. That way you won't miss it. That's going to end this week's episode.

Daniel Moore: 59:52

I'm Daniel Moore, and Michelle here has been sitting with me here today. Thank you, guys, so much for listening. This show really wouldn't be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, or if you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds to give us a five-star. Click, click and please subscribe to us on your favorite platform. The links are in the show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we believe that God's Word never fails us. God's Word has stood the test of time and, through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.

Aria: 1:00:20

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.