Marriage Life and More

The 4 Lies and Levels of Everyday Intimacy - 222

• Daniel and Michelle Moore • Episode 222

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What's the first thing you think of when someone mentions "intimacy" in marriage? If you immediately thought "sex," you're not alone—but you're only scratching the surface of what true intimacy means.

Most couples don't realize they're missing three-quarters of the connection God designed for marriage. When intimacy feels lacking, many wrongly conclude they married the wrong person or that deep connection just isn't possible for them. These misconceptions lead to empty relationships or desperate attempts to fill the void through unhealthy means.

Through our personal journey and years of counseling couples, we've discovered that genuine intimacy encompasses four distinct dimensions: spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. Each plays a crucial role in creating the fulfilling relationship we all desire. The spiritual dimension forms the foundation—when we commune with God together, He gives us peace about things we might otherwise fight about. Emotional intimacy allows us to become true "soulmates" by creating safe spaces to share our deepest feelings without judgment. Mental intimacy keeps us connected through thoughts and communication throughout each day. Physical intimacy, including both sexual connection and everyday affection, expresses love in tangible ways.

Most powerfully, we've witnessed how God can restore intimacy even after significant damage. Our own marriage stands as testimony that no relationship is beyond repair when couples commit to understanding and implementing all four dimensions of connection. As one businessman confessed after years of seeking fulfillment through casual encounters, "Everyone thinks that if you have sex like that, you will be happy, but no one tells you, it costs you your soul."

Ready to experience the complete intimacy God designed for your marriage? Listen now to discover practical ways to cultivate connection across all four dimensions and transform your relationship from the inside out.

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Daniel Moore:

So I'm just going to put you on the spot. When we first talk about intimacy, what is the very first thing that pops into your mind?

Michelle Moore:

Sex.

Daniel Moore:

Okay, so that's probably what most people think about it, right? Probably so. I think that whenever we think about intimacy in marriage, for some reason that is the very first thing that pops up. Is you think about the sexual part of the relationship? So if someone says, hey, are you intimate in your marriage, but yet you know, if they don't really have much sex in their marriage or have that kind of relationship, they may really be inclined to say no. But in all reality, intimacy isn't just about sex. This week, on Marriage Life More, we are going to be talking about everyday intimacy as we continue our study on the four laws of love and we're going through the law of purity. We'll get back into that right after this.

Daniel Moore:

Welcome to Marriage Life More. This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies. We also do interviews with people that have inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and of course, I've got Michelle Moore, my wife, here helping me to host this episode. Thank you, guys, for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website, and that's at marriagelifeandmoorecom For all of our platforms. Our YouTube and Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian Podcasting app, edify. We're also on Alexa and Google Smart devices. You can also visit us on social on Facebook, instagram and X at ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms. Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. That is what helps our podcast to grow and we'd be thankful to you to help us. That's your way to be a part of this ministry here at Connecting the Gap and Marriage Life and More Well.

Daniel Moore:

As we are starting this week, we're getting close to finishing up the study that we've been doing on the four laws of love. We're in the last law at this point the law of purity. We've got just a couple episodes left here. This week we're talking about everyday intimacy. As we continue this study here on Marriage Life and more, there are two topics that the majority of people respond to the most fervently passion and intimacy. No one wants to be in a passionless relationship with no sense of closeness. The dream we all have is to be married to our lover and our best friend. That dream can come true if we will just understand the truth about intimacy and put it into practice. To help us do this this week we're going to begin by helping you understand four common lies people believe about intimacy. So I'm just going to put you on the spot. When we first talk about intimacy, what is the very first thing that pops into your mind?

Michelle Moore:

Sex.

Daniel Moore:

Okay, so that's probably what most people think about it, right? Probably so. I think that whenever we think about intimacy in marriage, for some reason that is the very first thing that pops up. Is you think about the sexual part of the relationship. So if someone says, hey, are you intimate in your marriage, but yet you know, if they don't really have much sex in their marriage or have that kind of relationship, they may really be inclined to say no. But in all reality, intimacy isn't just about sex. There's actually some misunderstandings about what intimacy really means. It actually has a broader scope of reality when it comes to the marriage, and so this week we're going to try to debunk some of that. There's actually four lies of intimacy that we're going to talk about, and I'm going to go ahead here. Michelle's going to start with the first one here of the four lies of intimacy.

Michelle Moore:

So the first one is sex is intimacy. The misconception about intimacy is the number one lie that has caused untold damage to numerous marriages. Believing that sex equates to intimacy leads people to think the more sexual activity they engage in, the more intimate their relationship will be. However, this belief is simply not true, as we will explain later in this episode, intimacy encompasses four dimensions of levels, with physical intimacy representing only one aspect. In essence, sex accounts for just a quarter of true intimacy. Disregarding the remaining three quarters of the equation hinders success in cultivating genuine love and connection. Many individuals and couples struggle because they focus solely on the physical aspect, failing to recognize the importance of the other dimensions of intimacy as designed by God. As a result, they feel empty and devoid of passion.

Michelle Moore:

A businessman once said that before he got married, he was a traveling salesman. He said that it was common for him to conclude his day of work by going to the hotel bar for drinks. He said that almost every evening he would meet a new woman and end up having sex with her for a one-night stand. He concluded his confession with this remark everyone thinks that if you have sex like that, you will be happy, but no one tells you, it costs you your soul. I stopped sleeping around because it made me feel empty and depressed. Many people who watch pornography, and may even be addicted to it, are seeking genuine intimacy and attempting to address a void in their lives. However, relying on pornographic content or engaging in promiscuous behavior will ultimately not lead to success. Strain from God's intended plan hinders progress, resulting in the need for increasingly more sexual encounters that provide diminishing excitement. This ultimately leads to an endless and unfulfilling cycle.

Daniel Moore:

Okay. So what we're getting here from what you've been reading, is that lie, that sex is all that's intimate basically and that if you have sex, it will fulfill your life's desires and make you a very happy person. And yes, we do believe that sex, when it's done in the right context, when it's done in the marriage like it's supposed to be done and it becomes a part or a portion of the marriage, like it's supposed to be, it can create happiness.

Michelle Moore:

Yes.

Daniel Moore:

And it can help you be fulfilled, but when it comes down to reality, sex isn't the only thing that creates intimacy in our life.

Michelle Moore:

That's right.

Daniel Moore:

And with these two scenarios that you gave. I know that. You know pornography is a big one these days. It's just a huge addiction that a lot of people fight on a daily basis and a lot of people try to replace that part of the intimacy of their relationship. If they're lacking that in their marriage, they replace that with the pornography. But yet it's not a personal type of intimacy, so it's not fulfilling and it just leaves a void there that creates more and more anxiety and stress in their life and it's sin. I mean, that's the biggest problem with it. And then the story there about the businessman. You know he said that when he traveled around he would go to the bar and sleep with a lot of women. Well, at some point there he realized that what he was doing was literally destroying his soul.

Daniel Moore:

I mean the very inner portion of who he was. It was completely destroying that part of him, yep, and he was getting more depressed and empty. And so when people sit here and they think well for me to just have the fullness of intimacy in my life, I'm just going to get that from sex.

Aria:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

From wherever it may come from. That's not really the case For me to just have the fullness of intimacy in my life.

Daniel Moore:

I'm just going to get that from sex, yeah, from wherever it may come from. That's not really the case. No, that's not how that's going to work. And especially a lot of times, if you're having sex outside of marriage, that makes it even worse, because we know that intimacy through sex can only be fully realized when it's with someone that you truly love and it's someone that you truly want to be with and share that with. And so when you're just having these one night affairs or maybe you date a lot and you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend once a month, or however that may be in your life the more that you sleep with those people, the more unfulfilling it becomes.

Aria:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

Because that's not really what life is all about.

Michelle Moore:

No.

Daniel Moore:

So sex at this point then must be just one dimension, correct?

Aria:

Yes.

Daniel Moore:

Yep, yep. So that's where this comes in, that it's just one dimension of our intimacy, and it's only satisfying when other elements are present. So it can't be just that alone.

Aria:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

So this is the first truth that we have to debunk when it comes to the four lies of intimacy. The second is intimacy is automatic when you marry the right person. We refer to this as the soulmate myth.

Daniel Moore:

Oh, that's good Many individuals believe that marrying their perfect soulmate guarantees a lifetime of happiness. However, as we have discussed in some of the previous episodes here, in the Law of Pursuit, maintaining a fulfilling and intimate marriage requires effort and dedication. No individual or couple possesses inherent advantages when it comes to achieving genuine intimacy and happiness in a marriage. The purpose of this whole study that we've been going through is to help all of you comprehend the universal laws of love that foster security and success in our marriages. Success is derived from understanding and implementing God's love and honoring His design for us, rather than relying on factors such as chemistry, attractiveness, wealth or any other external elements. So, with Michelle and I, I think it's pretty obvious with our testimony that we've given. We both came into our marriage with rose-colored glasses.

Aria:

Yes, we did.

Daniel Moore:

I mean, we both thought that, hey, we're marrying my best friend, this person's not going to ever do anything to compromise how we feel about each other. We had it on our pedestals. You know just all this stuff, and you for sure have stated that when stuff started crumbling that you were just shocked because you never expected that to happen with me of all people. And so when, if someone is dating right now and they're engaged and they have this person on a pedestal, what would you say to that person from your aspect of it? Since you've kind of walked that, what advice would you give them, coming up to being married, to maybe be a little bit more careful with doing that?

Michelle Moore:

Well, one don't ever put anybody on a pedestal. I mean, that's where I was wrong in the first part of it. I mean I did put you on a pedestal, not expecting you to make mistakes, knowing that you should never put someone on a pedestal. But my advice is people are going to make mistakes, you know, talk it out, work it out and definitely, you know, put God first.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, you can't come into the relationship thinking it's going to be perfect right off the bat. That's just. I don't know of a marriage I've never talked to anybody. There may be one out there, I don't know. But I have never in my whole lifetime ever talked to someone that came into a marriage and just immediately it was the perfect thing until the day they died and they had the most happiness ever.

Michelle Moore:

Well, I think there's marriages out there. I mean I definitely feel like are they going to have their ups and downs? Yes, because there's a lot of Christian couples I feel like have great marriages all from the time because they put God in the center. Yeah, and they've.

Daniel Moore:

I mean I and they work at it.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah, it's not. They went about it in the right way. I mean, I can think of several different people that actually have had a really good marriage and when you ask them, like you know, did you have fights? Well, yeah, they're going to have small disagreements, but nothing like kind of what we walk through, and I think it's because God is the foundation.

Daniel Moore:

So I think the concept here is it's not automatic, though, because they still have to work at it.

Michelle Moore:

Oh, I think any marriage has to work at it.

Daniel Moore:

No, matter what marriage you have, you can't just sit there and just cruise through it and never have to do anything and it just be automatic.

Michelle Moore:

You have to give 100% on both sides, right, absolutely.

Daniel Moore:

And so that marriage may not end up as bad as ours did. But that's because they worked at it harder. They wanted to make sure that everything it didn't just fall in their lap and everything was great and hunky-dory till the end of it. It didn't just fall in their lap and everything was great and hunky-dory until the end of it. So if you believe that intimacy is going to naturally occur when you marry the perfect person, you're setting yourself up for possible disappointment and failure. And this is because when there are days where you do not feel like you're connected to your spouse, the devil's going to come in once again and he's going to tempt you with thoughts like you made a mistake, you're not the right one, they're not the right one for you. You should go find somebody else. I think there's times in our marriage that we both thought that kind of stuff yeah.

Daniel Moore:

And Satan was planning those seeds in there, because anytime I was mad at you or our marriage was failing, that's the first thing that started popping up is, you know, did we really make a mistake here? You know, did we really not read this right? Was there really somebody else out there? And here we are again in a marriage that wasn't meant to be, that God didn't ordain, or you know, satan's going to throw all that stuff in there and he's going to start causing all that doubt and everything else to come up, and we know where that can take you. I mean, it can totally destroy a good thing. It can destroy a God thing if you're not careful.

Daniel Moore:

So true intimacy is a result of doing the right thing, not simply feeling the right thing. Being married to your spouse indicates that you share enough common ground to create the happiness and the success that you desire. So again, me and you is not exactly identical. We have our differences, but we have enough common ground there between the two of us that we can make it work, and then those differences balance each other out, right, right. That's the beautiful things about us that are different.

Daniel Moore:

The third lie is intimacy is for certain types of people, but not for everyone, and I think there's probably some people that are married out there right now that really believe this, because they've gotten into a bad marriage and haven't figured out how to fix it and so they're starting to fall into that lie that well, I guess this is the marriage God had for me. You know there's I don't see any other way around it. I'm not getting divorced, but I'm going to accept what I'm in. But this must not have really been for me. You know that that couple over there they've got it going on and they're all happy and that's their thing. But that's not my thing. But that's not true.

Daniel Moore:

Our inherent need to love is the fundamental aspect of our creation by God. It's a universal longing shared by individuals of all genders and ages. Marriage provides us with the chance to express our love for another person in the most profound and fulfilling way possible. Intimate love is something that resonates with everyone. Back in episode 208, it was an earlier episode of this study we discussed romance, similar to the misconceptions surrounding intimacy.

Daniel Moore:

Many believe that romance is primarily for women, but that's not accurate. Men require romance just as much as women do, and they benefit from it daily. Albeit, we benefit from it in a different manner than say you do you see romance differently than I do, but we both need it and it's an everyday need for both of us, not just a few. God created all of us on the same level playing. He did not pick and choose people and say, okay, you're going to have this much intimacy in your relationship, you're going to hate your relationship, you're going to love your relationship. That's not God Right. God did not do that.

Daniel Moore:

No, and I think that, from Michelle and I's experience, we created our own issues. We created the problems that we had in our marriage. It had nothing to do with God. We made bad choices and did things that we shouldn't have, and so that's pretty much where that one's at. So don't believe, if you're the one that's in that situation, don't believe, that you deserve this and this is just the way God created it. You both need to start figuring out how to fix your problem Right, because you both deserve to love each other to the fullest extent of what God has created you to. So. Number four Once a certain amount of damage has been done in a marriage, it is impossible to restore the intimacy. This is the fourth lie of intimacy.

Michelle Moore:

So go ahead and start that one there. Yeah, our marriage is a testament to the belief that nothing is impossible with God. Through His miraculous intervention, our marriage was restored, and we have witnessed others experience the same grace. Engaging in regular conversations with couples, we often hear stories of marriages on the brink of collapse or even legally dissolved, only for God to mend their relationship. When Jesus hung on the cross, he forgave the people who put him there. Not only that, he stated the reason he was forgiving them. Here's what he said. He stated the reason he was forgiving them. Here's what he said. Then Jesus said Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. Luke 6, 34. Jesus knew the people who killed him didn't know what they were doing. It didn't make crucifying him all right, but it made it forgivable.

Daniel Moore:

So our marriage is definitely a testament to this. Now there's a couple that we know and I'm not going to say any names, I don't think they would mind, just using their testimony but they actually got divorced and then got remarried again. They actually attend church with us.

Daniel Moore:

And I think that's awesome because so you and I never got divorced. No, we fixed the problem before it happened. But imagine, getting divorced from someone gets that bad, but then God brings you back together. You would think that well, if you lost that intimacy with that first relationship and you literally got to the point you got divorced? In our finite minds it seems like that would be impossible to get that intimacy or even want to be with that person again. But somehow God fixed all of that.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

And created a whole new scenario for them, just like he created for us, absolutely. And so I think, and probably people you know, you guys that are listening you may know couples like this. You know the couple that we're talking about. That's not the only couple that I've ever came across that got remarried again after they got divorced, and you know God is in the restoration business, and so it doesn't matter how much damage has been done and there are some marriages out there that have had some severe damage done, even abusive stuff. I mean you can go to the extremes of what could happen in a marriage. That would make you just literally hate somebody to the core but it doesn't mean that God can't fix that. That's right. He can fix anything, and you know people don't mess up their marriages intentionally or because they're bad people. They mess up because they don't know any better.

Daniel Moore:

Who teaches us about marriage? When we were growing up? You know how many classes did they teach in schools or universities on the subject? Few of us had good role models when we were growing up, either because, you know, our parents in a lot of ways weren't really good role models in that either and so that's why studies like this are so important, or reading good marriage material from Christian authors that are well-versed and educated in this kind of thing, that deal with marriages on a daily basis. They see so many things and they understand how to bring the Bible into that equation, and so it's very important for marriages, I think, to make sure that you stay up current with what's going on in your marriage how to fix things biblically using books or studies or whatever it may be to help you better understand in your marriage. How to fix things biblically using books or studies or whatever it may be to help you better understand where your marriage is at. So, now that we've exposed the four common lies about intimacy, we're going to talk about four levels of intimacy that we referred to earlier when we started this episode.

Daniel Moore:

When we started this episode, in response to the scribe's question as to what the greatest commandment was, here's how Jesus answered that. Jesus answered and said the first of all commandments is Hear O Israel, the Lord, our God. The Lord is one. You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and your strength. This is the first commandment. So Jesus' response here reveals the truth that there are four different levels of love. Did you realize that your heart, which is your spirit, your soul, which is your will and emotions, your mind and body were primarily created by God to love him? That is truth.

Daniel Moore:

Love isn't just experienced on an emotional level. It is experienced on four different levels, and that is why Jesus responded to the scribe's question as he did. The same is true of the intimate love experienced by a married couple. It is four-dimensional it's spiritual, it's emotional, it's mental and it's physical. This is why we stated at the beginning of this episode that sex is only one dimension of that intimacy, and we're going to continue now to go into further detail about each level of intimacy so that we can help you understand how to achieve and maintain them. So, michelle, I'm going to have you start here with the first one of the four levels of intimacy.

Michelle Moore:

The first one is spiritual intimacy. When Jesus said we were to love God with all of our hearts, he was referring to the dimension of our lives where he resides and communes with us. Considering the following verse of Scripture Because of Adam's and Eve's sins, the human race died spiritually. We are all born with dead spirits that cannot commune with God unless they are regenerated. That is what is commonly called being born again. This is an important text of scripture to help you understand this. Jesus answered and said to him. Jesus answered and Most assuredly I say to you unless one is born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you. 3, verses 3-7.

Michelle Moore:

Being born again means we ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins and come into our hearts and to be our Lord and Savior. Here's a scripture from the book of Romans that explains how it occurs. But what does it say? The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart. That is the word of faith which we preach that if you confess with your mouth Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation, and that's found in Romans 10, 8 through 10.

Michelle Moore:

The word salvation is synonymous with the phrase born again. It means that we put our faith in Jesus and believe his death on the cross paid for our sins. His death on the cross paid for our sins. Now, as an act of grace, we can be forgiven of all of our sins and receive the gift of eternal life. Also, once we are saved, the Spirit of God enters into us and regenerates our dead spirits, and we are thus born again.

Daniel Moore:

Okay, so the first one here, then spiritual intimacy. So this brings us back to the fact that intimacy isn't just a human thing, it's not just something that we, you know when we look at it. It's just sex. Who does that benefit? That benefits me and you, or the couple, and that's not the fullness of what intimacy is all about. And that's not the fullness of what intimacy is all about.

Daniel Moore:

And I think that whenever we have and you'll hear people talk a lot about having that intimate relationship with God. That does shine a whole new light on the fact that there is more to this intimacy thing in our life than just looking at the physical intimacy thing in our life, than just looking at the physical. So if we don't have that intimate relationship with Christ, I think that that can carry over into our physical side and can make it not be as good. Yeah, so I think you can vouch for this as well. So when we were having our issues, when we were in our marriage and everything, until we got back with God like we should be and got our lives back where it was supposed to be, with our relationship with Him, do you feel like that was the turning point for our marriage? When that happened, do you feel like before we did that, our marriage was pretty rotten at that point. Then, when we finally gave our lives back to Christ, how did that change?

Michelle Moore:

I feel like after I rededicated my life with Christ, my eyes were set on Him and from there he changed me, which changed our marriage.

Daniel Moore:

Or let me say he changed the outlook on our marriage.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah, or let me say he changed the outlook on our marriage.

Daniel Moore:

Right. So the day that I gave my life to Jesus, I experienced firsthand the incredible reality of what being born again means, just like Michelle just said. Immediately I felt different and better on the inside, and it's something that's hard to describe, but the best way that I can try is to compare being born again to being shot in the chest with a syringe full of inner life and fulfillment. The emptiness I had wrestled with for years was instantly filled with God's love and life that I'd never known. And that was over 35 years ago, and it's still occurring every minute of every day in my life and has revolutionized everything about me, has revolutionized everything about me.

Daniel Moore:

So, going into our marriage, even though you and I were both saved, we both, you know, believed in God and tried to keep Him in our life. To an extent, I don't think we were really where we needed to be at all. We didn't experience spiritual intimacy for the first several years of our marriage. You know we went to church regularly and we were part of church leadership in different areas, but as a couple we didn't know that there was any such thing as spiritual intimacy or how to achieve it. We just had kind of put that to the side.

Daniel Moore:

At that point, after the Lord saved our marriage, we began praying more deeply, sometimes together, and definitely on a more regular basis. It was a transforming experience and I can tell you this truth from experience Spiritual intimacy is the deepest intimacy that is possible in a marriage and it benefits all other levels of intimacy. So any other intimacy that we have in our life, regardless of what it is, there's nothing that trumps that spiritual relationship with God. That is the very first thing that actually transforms us and should transform us into who we are from that day forward.

Daniel Moore:

So a couple examples here. First, when you pray, god gives you a peace about things that you otherwise worry or even fight about. And here's what Paul wrote about that Be anxious for nothing, but in everything. By prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds to Christ Jesus. That's in Philippians 4.

Daniel Moore:

Anxiety isn't a condition, it's a choice. When we choose not to pray, we have chosen to worry instead, and that worry consumes emotional energy and causes tension in our marriage. But when we pray, instead of worrying, we are promised a profound peace that guards our hearts and minds. We have a promise in the Bible with that, and so anytime that we allow ourselves to be anxious and worry about things, we have not put into play the fact that if we pray about it, god will give us a peace in all of that and He'll come alongside us and help us through that. Secondly, we also must realize that spiritual intimacy improves our sex lives.

Daniel Moore:

Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg wrote a book called the Five Sex Needs of Men and Women. According to their research into the subject, spiritual intimacy is the fourth sex need of women. Women want their husbands to be the spiritual leaders of their homes and to pray with them. Praying together as a couple invites God into the relationship. So, if you remember, this section of the study is all about the law of purity. When sin enters a marriage relationship, what does it do? It kills intimacy. When God is invited into a marriage, the Holy Spirit, or the spirit of ultimate purity, comes into the relationship, and that is something that women need to relax and enjoy sex. It is also something that God blesses and causes true sexual intimacy to occur as a result. So make sure, above everything, if you're really trying to strive for this intimacy in marriage, the first thing you need to go after is your spiritual intimacy with God so good.

Daniel Moore:

That fixes so many things on so many levels. Then all of these other intimacies that are past, that will fall into place as we do it the biblical way. So the second one is emotional intimacy. God told us to love God with all of our souls. Your soul is the seat of your will and emotions. Emotional intimacy occurs as we are free to share our feelings with each other. In the Garden of Eden, god created Adam and Eve naked and without shame. Their nakedness was not physical only, it was spiritual, emotional and mental. Adam and Eve were able to freely share their emotions with each other without holding anything back and without anything to hold them back. That is how God designed for marriage to operate and it's essential for intimacy to occur.

Daniel Moore:

You know, you and I had very little emotional intimacy in some of the early parts in our marriage because of three reasons. Number one, I wouldn't share many of my true emotions with you. Secondly, I rejected your differences and the emotions that came with them. And third, I was dominant with important issues that affected us both and then you shut down emotionally as a result, such as me getting fixed, for instance. There were some things that I did, that I forced upon you, which then you reacted in the only way you knew how, and that was for you to shut down and keep me out at that point. So then both of us are falling subject to the issue of keeping each other out of each other's equations at that point.

Daniel Moore:

Well, today we have wonderful emotional intimacy and we have had for many years now and we achieved this by removing those three things that I just listed. First of all, I share openly with you and realize it is an important need for you. We also celebrate each other's differences and know that we are each other's safe place to share anything that one's really important. We are equal partners, and I'm careful with my words as well as being verbally affectionate, so I try to compliment you as much as possible, and you're always complimenting me. The way that we handle our conversation has even changed in a lot of different areas, so there's a lot to being said these days about being soulmates. Once you understand the true meaning of the word soul, you could exchange the phrase soulmate with this one emotionmate. Your true soulmate isn't someone out in the world that is the only person God created for you. Your true soulmate is the wife or husband you choose to open up with emotionally and share your soul. That's good.

Daniel Moore:

You must cultivate emotional openness in your relationship in order to build this level of intimacy. Allow your spouse to share their feelings without judgment or rejection. Celebrate honesty as long as it's done in love, and share your feelings every day. Communication doesn't just mean sharing facts. It also means sharing your feelings.

Michelle Moore:

So good.

Daniel Moore:

The results of this is emotional intimacy. So this one here is definitely one that can break down a marriage real quick If it's not handled the correct way. And because how important is it for you for me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with you?

Michelle Moore:

For me it's extremely important because I know what's going on with you and you feel safe telling me everything and it's being a part of your life, and that communication, if you're sharing everything with me, lets me know that you trust me, you love me and you're here for the long haul.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and I mirror that.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

I mean, I'm not a over-emotional type of person, necessarily just in the aspects of the Word, but that safety that I have in being able to express to you and open up to you is the world to me, because I don't have to hold it inside and let it build up and whatever. I know that at this point in our marriage we can both discuss things, whether if it's hard things or if it's easy things, it doesn't matter. We can now openly discuss those things between each other without the worry that you know one of us is going to get infuriated at the other one as soon as we start talking about it. We both know the importance of working through that emotionally and to have that security there, to build that intimacy between both of us so that we have those safe spaces. And so I'm truly thankful for how God has changed that for us, because we've mentioned several times in this series that we considered ourselves soulmates, so this has came up multiple times.

Michelle Moore:

Very interesting, how that is.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, but in all reality I like the definition here of soulmate as far as being. It's not, because a lot of times when we do say soulmate, we do think of it in the aspect that this is who God put in my life. That's the only thing we really associate that with. But in all reality a true soulmate means that you're that person that I can bear my soul to. Yeah, and what is my soul? That's my very innermost being and core of who I really am.

Michelle Moore:

So good.

Daniel Moore:

And so if I can actually open my soul up and share it with you in a safe manner, knowing that I'm not going to get any repercussion back from that as we work through things and vice versa, that's a true soulmate and that's when you truly know that you're with that person, that God has placed you with, yeah, and he's gave you the ability to open up like that, yeah. The third one is mental intimacy, and, Michelle, go ahead and share that one with us.

Michelle Moore:

Jesus instructed us to love God with all our minds, urging us to use our intellect to know, seek, worship and follow him. This serves as the primary purpose for which God bestowed us with the gift of thought. Loving our spouse with our minds involves actively thinking about them, paying attention to them, understanding their preferences and dislikes, and engaging open communication with one another regularly. It necessitates creating a safe space where both partners are encouraged to be truthful and share thoughts without fear of judgment or alienation. While it is vital that our thoughts are constructive and not intended to cause harm or act in malice towards one another, it is inevitable that some thoughts may touch upon personal challenges or concerns within the marriage. Mental intimacy thrives when both individuals dedicate themselves to focusing on each other and openly exchanging thoughts in a transparent and candid manner. Cultivating an environment where there is an unrestricted access to each other's innermost thoughts is key in fostering mental intimacy.

Daniel Moore:

So if I'm thinking bad thoughts about you and I'm allowing Satan to come in and slander you in my thought processes, that pretty much demolishes the mental intimacy Correct At that point? And I really like you know how, when we started out, this thought here about the mental intimacy is. This involves actively thinking about you and focusing my attention on you and vice versa. So you know how. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing.

Aria:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

They have that true intimate relationship with God. That's one of the processes and one of the steps that we have to cultivate on a daily basis to keep that communication open between us and God and to continually build that relationship. And a lot of our relationship with God is mental.

Aria:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

We live on faith, and so I think that plays over into the relationship with a husband and a wife. Yeah, so I think that plays over into the relationship with a husband and a wife? Yeah, because I know throughout the day I think a lot about you, even in the middle of all my work and that kind of thing. It seems like there's things that will happen just regularly. That will just kind of spur moments of thought about something you and I went through, yeah, or something that you and I experienced.

Michelle Moore:

No, I'd agree with that.

Daniel Moore:

Or whatever, or I'll look down and you send me an email.

Michelle Moore:

Or I send a stupid picture of myself working. Yeah, we tend to do that often. We don't have Snapchat, so we just text each other pictures.

Daniel Moore:

Showing off our sleep bags and our eyes because we don't want to be at work and we're exhausted. Yes, so that kind of thing is a healthy relationship. Yeah, yes, or your significant other is a part of that mental vibe that's going on all day long, along with God and the other things. Those are what's most important to you, the things that you think about, right? And so whenever it comes to the relationship, I think that you know we had to come to a point in our relationship where we had to mentally flip that switch to make sure that we concentrated on each other more than the things outside of us. Right, all of that stuff out there is distractions, and if we focus on those distractions, then it's going to, for sure, tear up the focus that we have on each other, and I feel that at one point we finally figured out how to flip that switch and quit doing that. And so a lot of times throughout the day, you know, my thoughts go to you just like your thoughts go to me, and that's a healthy way to be.

Daniel Moore:

And so that's the third part of intimacy is the mental intimacy. Now the fourth one is the one that everybody thinks about the physical intimacy. So this next episode that's coming up, we're going to actually be discussing the issue of sex, so we're not going to go into a lot of detail on this one, but we did save the best for last, I guess, if you could call it that. I do want to say that physical intimacy isn't just about the issue of sex. It's also about non-sexual affection, which is one of the women's most important needs. I also believe that it's very important for men as well, but demonstrating physical affection outside the bedroom setting is essential, not only for the sake of our marriages, but also for the benefit of our children, who are comforted in witnessing the love shared between their parents. Additionally, it is an opportunity to impart valuable lessons to them on how to treat their future spouses yeah, mental and physical levels. So, regardless of where you are currently standing in your marital journey, make sure that you don't lose hope. I think that with this physical intimacy thing, a lot of times we put this in a box Again when we first opened this episode up, I asked you, even being a woman. I asked you what the first thing was that you thought of when you heard the word intimacy and you pretty much answered it. Picture perfect with how 99% of the population probably would. Automatically your mind shifts to sex.

Daniel Moore:

But as we've seen here throughout all of these different levels of intimacy, sex isn't really one of the most important things in all of this. Even the physical intimacy side of things. That also includes stuff like when we're riding in the car, we'll hold hands, or I'll reach over and put my hand on your leg, or you'll reach over and do that to me. Or we're out walking into church or out on a walk in the park or whatever, we'll hold hands. When we're sitting in the living room watching TV, you know, sometimes we'll you know, lay across you might lay across put your head in their other's lap, or, you know you kiss each other before you leave and go to work.

Daniel Moore:

It's just there's so much involved that goes into that and that's a lot of the stuff that, as it mentioned here, that the kids see, and I know, michelle and I, as we went through our marriage with our kids, we probably weren't the greatest example of how to be physically intimate with each other as far as trying to teach our kids how to be intimate with their significant others, so I hope they do much better than us in the long run, as that comes along, but we spent a lot of our marriage at the first portion of it, mad at each other and in a bad way, and so we got to remember, though, that as our kids grow up, they're watching us and they want to see how we handle things.

Daniel Moore:

They for sure see how we treat each other and that is kind of the roadmap they use as they go into life with their spouses. And so we have to be super careful with how we handle all of that and make sure that on that physical intimacy side of things, that it's not just sequestered to the bedroom. We have to make sure that we express that outside of that as well. Anybody that knows Michelle and I, they should be able to tell, like if we're at church or if we're just out in public, wherever we may be. Anybody that knows us very well should know how we feel about each other just by the way we treat each other.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah, my eyes and everything should be set on you.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and so they should see us sometimes walking with our arms wrapped around each other. They should see us holding hands sometimes as we're walking through. They should see us give a hug if we're all going off separate directions like Michelle and I serve in different places in church sometimes, where sometimes we serve together, but then we have our places we serve separate, and a lot of times whenever we see each other for the last moment we go our separate ways We'll just give a quick hug or a quick kiss on the cheek or something like that. That's part of physical intimacy as well. This apart, so next week we will be talking about the sex and all of that part, because that is a huge, important part of a marriage relationship, no doubt about it. We have to nurture that as well and do all of that in the proper way, and sometimes issues can come up that can cause problems in those areas, and so we're going to discuss a lot of that next week on next week's episode. So make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss that.

Michelle Moore:

It's going to be a good one.

Daniel Moore:

But see, do you have anything to add to this week? No, before we close it out. So, as we leave this week, just strive to cultivate intimacy daily and make sure, when you do it, that you do it in encompassing all four of these dimensions. It's more than just sex. It's so much more. It reflects God's divine plan and the foundation on which marriage is built. And it just never ceases to amaze me how God went into such detail when he created all of this stuff. It's not just a simple one-way street. He created so many aspects to this relationship, and when you put all of those together in a godly, biblical way, it creates such a beautiful thing.

Michelle Moore:

It really does Such a fun thing yeah.

Daniel Moore:

And it can really make your life here on this earth super enjoyable if you just do it the correct way. Yeah, so, as I said, make sure you subscribe for next week's episode, if you haven't, so you don't miss it. We're going to be probably wrapping up this study next week, because that is the last segment. As long as we can get through that one segment and one episode. We'll find out once we record it, but everything going the way that we think it will, next week will probably be the last one of this study on the four laws of love, so we will be moving on to other things at that point. But you don't want to miss this, so please subscribe and to make sure you don't miss that, that's going to end this week's episode.

Daniel Moore:

I'm Daniel Moore. Thank you for listening. Missed in here with my wife, michelle Bye. Guys, we've been going through this study and, of course, this show wouldn't be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple podcast. Or if you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds and just give us a five-star click. Even that helps our algorithms, helps us to grow, and subscribe to us on your favorite platforms. The links for those are in our show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer After this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.

Aria:

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast. In this world there are many a blessed week and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.

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