The New Us - Navigating Intimacy After Surgery - 228

Nothing tests wedding vows like a medical crisis that transforms your relationship overnight. When Michelle underwent what should have been a routine hysterectomy in 2018, neither she nor husband Daniel could have predicted the cascade of life-threatening complications that would follow – a massive jugular blood clot, damaged ureter, kidney disease, and multiple emergency surgeries that permanently altered her body.

Beyond the physical trauma lay an unexpected challenge that many couples face but few discuss openly: the devastating impact on their intimate life. As Michelle's body changed completely, her sex drive disappeared, and with it, a fundamental aspect of their connection shifted. For a couple who had already weathered significant relationship storms, this new test arrived just as they were becoming empty-nesters – precisely when most couples look forward to rekindling physical intimacy.

The Moores share with remarkable candor how they navigated this terrain, from Michelle's fears that Daniel might seek fulfillment elsewhere to his process of surrendering frustration through prayer. Their story illuminates the practical reality of "in sickness and in health" vows when those words demand more than you ever anticipated. Through consistent communication, prayer, and a willingness to define intimacy beyond physical expression, they discovered new dimensions to their relationship.

This powerful testimony serves as a beacon for any couple facing medical challenges that affect the marriage bed. The Moores demonstrate that with patience, faith, and unwavering commitment, marriage can not only survive such trials but emerge stronger. As Michelle powerfully reminds us, "A marriage doesn't have to be all about sex," and sometimes the deepest expression of love comes through simply holding one another through the storm.

Chapters

• 0:00 Adult Content Warning
• 1:22 Michelle's Radical Hysterectomy
• 6:08 Blood Clot Emergency
• 10:42 Kidney Complications Emerge
• 17:45 Finding God's Purpose in Pain
• 28:30 Medical Impact on Marital Intimacy
• 40:10 Navigating Marriage Through Health Crisis
• 51:37 Lessons and Support for Others

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:00

This episode covers some adult-themed material in nature. If you have young ones around, I'd pop in my earbuds or listen to this when you are by yourself. Listener, discretion is advised. Did you worry that you were going to lose me? You know, or how did you feel about that?

Michelle Moore: 0:23

I think that I had. I think because my body had been through so much. I honestly can't say that I ever. I I wondered if you were gonna turn to something. I I don't think. I mean, never did it cross my mind that you would go to somebody physically, but it made me at times wonder if it would turn to like porn or something because of that, because I was fighting my own battles of trying to figure out this is the new body I have. How do I handle this? It's not nothing what I'm used to. I can't make you happy and at that time I think I just had so many things going on that I don't know that I processed that. I would say that at times I, you know, I did worry about that.

Daniel Moore: 1:13

This week on Marriage Life and More. We're going to talk about some more of Michelle and I's testimony and some things that we've went through here in the past. We're going to get back into that right after this. Welcome to Marriage Life More podcast. I'm Daniel Moore and sitting over here with me this week I've got my beautiful co-host, michelle my wife sitting over here.

Michelle Moore: 2:09

Hey, hey.

Daniel Moore: 2:09

And we are back with another episode. This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and occasionally we have some people on here to interview and they share their inspiring stories. Thank you, guys, for joining us this week, and often you're with our show and check out our website at wwwmarriagelifeandmorecom for our platforms. Our YouTube and Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, Edify. We're also on your Alexa and Google smart devices.

Daniel Moore: 2:39

You can also visit us on social, on Facebook and Instagram, at ctgaponline, and if you are a fan of our show, we just ask that you please subscribe so you don't miss any episodes, and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms.

Daniel Moore: 2:47

Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcast, and we'd be thankful to you for helping us out with that and helping this podcast to grow and reach people that need to hear these episodes, and we'd just be eternally grateful to you for doing that. Well, we are back again with another marriage episode and, as we talked about a little bit as we were going through our extensive series that we just finished up, we told you that Michelle and I had a little bit more to our testimony, and so we're going to go ahead and pick that back up this week and we're going to share more of our testimony here on marriage, life and more did you know that god has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggle and a reward for your faithfulness, that that you trust Him and never give up?

Michelle Moore: 3:46

Well, that's exactly where I was at back in 2018. And as I go through this story and Dan will probably at some point interject and say and add a few things, since I don't always remember everything but in 2018, somewhere in the first of August, I had a radical hysterectomy by laparoscopic and that was just a normal surgery, stayed the night at the hospital, went home the next day, about 10 days later. The next day, about 10 days later, we were getting ready to surprise a couple from church that was getting ready to move, and we were having a going-away party on a Saturday morning. Well, friday night I had woke up in the middle of the night with my arm hurting, which is really weird because I can tolerate a lot of pain. So, with that arm hurting, it was not only hurting, but there was a lump there and it was kind of hot to touch. But you know, I was like I got too much going on to really think about this right now. So we went through the going away party and, mind you, I'm still recovering from my hysterectomy and, mind you, I'm still recovering from my hysterectomy.

Michelle Moore: 5:06

We went through the day. We went to Springfield, helped our daughter move. I did not lift anything, my mom and my husband made sure of that. She was moving back in her dorm in Evangel in Springfield. So as we were driving back I finally realized okay, I can't eat. This is really really hurting, so something's seriously wrong. I happen to have a friend who's a nurse practitioner, so I messaged her and she's like more than likely it's a blood clot, they'll give you heparin. You get to go home.

Michelle Moore: 5:39

So I didn't really get to eat. So Dan was waiting to eat. So we dropped my mom off and we went down to the hospital. And actually there's two different hospitals. We have one that's here in our local town that's kind of smaller, and the bigger sisterhood would be the main one up in another town. So we chose to go to the small one because, granted, I was just ready, hook me an IV up and give me heparin so we can go to Gringo's to get that burrito. That's what we just kept talking about. It's like, oh, we're starving. So I go in and they give me an IV immediately. So obviously they kind of know what's going on and I go back and they're looking at the ultrasound and back at that time Daniel actually worked two jobs. He did a paper route in the morning that would cost him to get up at what 3.30, 4?.

Daniel Moore: 6:33

About 3.50 or so in the morning.

Michelle Moore: 6:35

So he always had to do it. He didn't have a backup, so no matter what he was, always had to be gone. So we I want to say what time was that? Like 8.30, 9 o'clock.

Daniel Moore: 6:48

At least. Yeah, it was pretty late in the evening.

Michelle Moore: 6:50

So I went back and I actually got a wonderful I call her my little angel because she would not give up. They could not find the blood clot in my arm. So eventually she went up to my neck and realized that I had a blood clot in my jugular, which is not very normal at all, and I could tell by the way she was acting. It was probably more than what she suspected and so they sent me back to the room, and once we got in the room they asked me if I had issues with my kidney. Of course we're like no, before then I've been healthy. I've not really had many surgeries. I've actually done really well, knock on wood.

Michelle Moore: 7:38

They came back in and that's when they said we're going to have to transport you to the other hospital because you have a massive blood clot in your jugular. And obviously I mean it was to the point where if I hadn't went in, what? Within a couple hours it was almost completely closed off or it could have traveled to kill me. So I'm nervous. My husband has to leave because he has to go and do the paper route, and so my mom follows the ambulance to drop when we get up there.

Michelle Moore: 8:15

Of course you know how it is when you go to the hospital. You, technically, you're all over the place and nurses everybody's coming in asking you questions, blah, blah, blah. So I didn't get much sleep. So not only did my husband do a paper route, but he was supposed to be there for the drums on Sunday morning, praise and worship. So he did the paper route and then he came to the hospital and of course our church prayed for us and we are so thankful for that. But they were trying to figure out what was going on and why my kidney numbers were so high.

Daniel Moore: 8:48

And by then they had taken a blood test and they didn't realize at that point your numbers were out of whack.

Michelle Moore: 8:55

Right, and you know I'm not going to go through a whole lot of details, but eventually they figured out I mean they were shooting me with heparin like a lot of heparin. They figured out they I mean they were shooting me with heparin like a lot of heparin. And by then obviously if you have a blood clot on one side, they can only take blood from the other side. So I had pokes everywhere and my arms were completely bruised. In the meantime they found out that when I had the surgery for my hysterectomy that the tool had nicked my ureter and all the stuff going through was going in my body. So they did an emergency surgery and placed it was called a uretal stint. Was that placement stint?

Daniel Moore: 9:43

Something like that.

Michelle Moore: 9:43

And so I came back out of surgery and obviously you know by then I have high anxiety, anxiety because of multiple different things that had happened there at the hospital. And they eventually released me to come home, me to come home. So I came home and just FYI, I don't know about you, but anytime I have surgery and I get super sick from the anesthesia and when I say super sick, I'm throwing up. I hate it Doesn't matter if they give you anything, I'm still sick.

Michelle Moore: 10:23

So I go on, I'm still recovering from the this, the big surgery, and then once I go after six weeks I go back to work. I then have another surgery to have this removed and then by then everybody's like hey, you're great, everybody's doing good, your body's going to have to adjust because on the hysterectomy you know they took everything, so my body's going to have to adjust. For all that, well, I got extremely sick, I think within six weeks. I mean, I was super, super sick and I could not figure out what was going on with me, kept calling the doctor that did the stent and I'm like something's not right. My right side down in the like, you could tell it was my kidney, I could tell.

Daniel Moore: 11:16

You had a lot of pain.

Michelle Moore: 11:16

Yes, and then it got to the point where they wouldn't listen to me because they were like, hey, she's recovering. You know two surgeries. And then we had the surgery for the pullout, so technically three. So I was like, okay, lord, you're going to have to open a door for this. Well then Dan started getting really frustrated because I came home one day from work and I was so sick and he finally called up there and he's like you're going to do something about this.

Michelle Moore: 11:45

So again they did an ultrasound and my sweet little angel, the same one that found my blood clot, is the same one that found out. I mean, she just looked straight at me and she's like I don't have the best news and I, you know, obviously she can't tell me anything. So I don't have the best news and you know, obviously she can't tell me anything. So but she kept reassuring me, everything was going to be fine. I left there and then they called us.

Michelle Moore: 12:11

I was going to be back in emergency surgery and that's because my kidney was completely blocked when he pulled the stent out. He pulled it too early, completely blocked. When he pulled the stent out, he pulled it too early, which caused my ureter to completely block off right after the surgery. So I went multiple weeks with my kidney dying and shrinking and so we went in for the surgery and by then this is my fourth surgery and I can tell you Dan will tell you I was starting to have a little bit of anxiety and I went in, I was put out, hence, when I came to all, I remember hearing the nurse saying it didn't work and I was like what you know and I know, I started crying and then Dan came in and I'll let you fill them in of exactly what he said, because I wasn't there.

Daniel Moore: 13:14

Yeah. So when he came to me to talk to me, basically what had happened was the scar tissue from where the nick was at had, like she said, it closed off the ureter completely and at that point it pretty much had kicked the kidney into fourth stage kidney disease. And so not only was there the issue of trying to get this kidney back opened up so that it could start functioning correctly, but you were at risk of losing your kidney. I mean, we were right there. If something did not get done, the kidney was going to die, and so it was kind of a race against time at the same time. Well, when the doctor came out after the surgery procedure, he told me he said he said I don't have good news. He said we went back in there to try to reinsert the stent and he said it's too tight, it's too closed off in there. The scar tissue has just completely closed that ureter off. And he said we were not successful in getting that back in there and he said so that pretty much just leaves with one option. And he said so that pretty much just leaves with one option. We're going to have to get her into surgery somewhere, and that's not something that I do. He said we're going to have to get her to a surgical center. And so, of course, I asked him for his advice. I'm like, well, where do we need to go? And he said, well, there's only two places. He said there's KU, which is Kansas University Medical Center, or we could go to Springfield, missouri. He said they had a unit up there that had a surgeon that could perform that type of surgery. And so I just flat out asked the doctor. I said, well, if it was your wife, where would you take her? And he said I would definitely take her to KU. He, he said that's exactly where I would go. And I said, well, that's what we need to do.

Daniel Moore: 15:07

And so when you came out of surgery, as you said, you kind of had hurt a little bit, but you didn't know everything, uh, the details, and so they left it up to me to to tell you the bad news. And I will say, for my husband's uh aspect on the whole thing, it was hard for me to just say that that day, because I knew she had been in so much pain and I'd been sitting there watching you. You know, just put up with that and deal with it, the tears, the frustration from everything because it wasn't getting any better. We weren't getting very good answers from the hospital really, and that really works on a spouse, I mean, if you truly love your spouse and you really. Especially from a husband's aspect of it, I felt like, you know, I'm supposed to help to take care of you and I was helpless pretty much.

Daniel Moore: 15:59

There just wasn't much that I could do and we were kind of in the hands of the hospital and the surgeons at that point and, as you described, that stuff goes so slow, it's just like there's no urgency until all of a sudden they see, oh, there is an urgency, and then it's almost too late. So we were kind of, you know, really fighting a time schedule at this point, and so I did tell you and it upset you tremendously. I remember that ride home was brutal because I just felt so bad. I didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. I mean, it was just completely out of our hands. All we could do at that point was leave it in God's hands, and so then we had to go ahead and try to get the next surgery set up. You want to pick it up from?

Michelle Moore: 16:46

there, yeah, the first doctor. When you have specialty cases like this, the doctors can choose whether they take you or not. The first doctor that they referred me to would not take my case. It took him two weeks to give us an answer.

Daniel Moore: 17:03

Yes, here we are, fighting time already.

Michelle Moore: 17:05

It was brutal.

Daniel Moore: 17:06

And we were calling and calling like this has he gave an answer yet? Does he know? Does he know?

Michelle Moore: 17:11

And so and I think God just really had a plan in that for us to meet our doctor, who was amazing, the second doctor that they sent it to he did accept it and he got us in pretty quick, knowing what happened. He's like let's make an appointment, let's come up. So we drove up to Kansas City and we get in there and we meet him and he's like I can't even believe you're walking. And he's like you must be able to tolerate pain, because anybody in this shape or form, there's no way. Well, as he's sitting there, you know, telling us hey, you know, we're just, we need to get your kidney going. So their whole plan was to cut my back and insert a tube and like, have a drain tube in it. And we kind of look at him and we're like we can't do that. And he's like well, why not? And I'm like I'm on a blood thinner. And he's like what? So you know that complicated things more. So he couldn't do anything at that point and because he planned on doing it that day, he was like we need to get that kidney going. And so he talked to us and you know this is around the holiday, so it was around coming up on Thanksgiving and I think we went on a Thursday or Friday the week before and he's like I'm going to see if I can't work you in. He's like I'm going to be gone but I'm going to see if I can't work you in.

Michelle Moore: 18:42

Well, he did get us worked in and I'm so thankful he didn't exactly tell me everything that he had to do. I knew it was going to be a long surgery. I knew it was going to be more of an intense. It wasn't a laparoscopic. What I wanted done Because of what has happened. They had to literally cut me like a T, and so that kind of worried me and it worried me being out again and being sick and he told me that the stent would be placed and I would come home with a catheter and so I had what's called a POAS hitch surgery and, like again, I'm thankful he didn't tell me everything when we got in there, um, because he gave me some nerve blocks and everything and he's. And now let me tell you the guy was young, um what late 30s probably yeah he's a good looking guy.

Michelle Moore: 19:38

I mean super good looking guy, super nice every time we came. I'm just going to insert this right quick. He literally talked about my family. He knew what my kids did, my, you know, the boys in the military, brooklyn and college like he. He was just a genuine, really nice guy. Um, so he really made me at ease. Um, so I went into surgery and I mean I know you were nervous end up taking what? Four and a half five hours.

Daniel Moore: 20:09

Yeah, it was close to five to six hour surgery.

Michelle Moore: 20:13

And so I'm not going to bore you with the details of everything they had to do. But when I came out, the first day was great I wasn't which was Thanksgiving, so I got to eat a little bit. But the second, third and fourth day and fifth day was the sixth day I was so, so sick. I was like I was so sick and I was in pain, and if anybody's ever had to come home with a catheter is not a great thing to do, especially when you have to come home. What was it? Three weeks?

Daniel Moore: 20:44

Something like that.

Michelle Moore: 20:45

yeah, it was horrible, let me just say that. And the stent was there, so it's, you know, it really wore on me and I felt like every time I went to the doctor something would happen, and so anxiety really worked high on me. And, you know, dan did a great job. But you never find yourself and I'm going to be real here you don't ever think that you're going to find yourself to where you cannot take care of yourself at all, and when I say at all, I mean at all.

Daniel Moore: 21:18

Especially at a young age.

Michelle Moore: 21:19

Yeah, and my husband did a great job, but I mean, there's things that I never, ever expected for him to have to go through. And so we went through recovery. I had some things, I had to have some more testing done to get the catheter out, and then, before all the surgery, our daughter surprise, we're getting married. That was right before my surgery. So we're getting married in January, and that was in November, and we're like, oh, just like, can we make the flowers? So we have all that going on on top of that, and so we actually had our wedding. I think I got my stint out on a Tuesday and the wedding was like Thursday or Friday. I mean, it was super close. In fact, when we went wedding dress shopping I had to have a wheelchair, and so those things worked on me in my mind.

Michelle Moore: 22:26

And after coming out of that and guys, I'm still fighting with the blood thinners myself and nobody knows why I had a blood clot in the jugular. I was still having issues with my arm. A blood clot in the jugular. I was still having issues with my arm and I don't know why, after six months of being on the blood thinner, I went off of it. Well, then my arms started hurting again. When they went to do a scan they found another blood clot in my arm. So after I leave KU I come back those two different separate times to get the catheter and the ureter out. I go back on the blood thinner because they found the blood clot. I then went to KU for cardiovascular so that they could figure out what was going on and what was causing the blood clots, because they couldn't figure it out. And see when I tell you that, after having five surgeries within six months and being a doctor, how many times Quite a few.

Daniel Moore: 23:37

Your anxiety does work on you.

Michelle Moore: 23:39

I mean, I'm not one of those like hey, whatever, let's go on, but it really really wore on me and I do want to read something. That one of the things. I was surrounded by some amazing people and I can remember Tuesday night, before I had my surgery at the hospital up in Joplin, my mom was in the room with me again because Stan had to be gone, and I can remember just bawling like scared to death I mean, and granted, I still hadn't ate. So I want to tell you I hadn't ate Saturday, sunday, monday or Tuesday. So I want to tell you I had an eight Saturday, sunday, monday or Tuesday, and the form of a Gringo's bean burrito was stuck in my head. But that's okay. Once the surgery was done I knew I got to eat, so that's all that mattered to me. But I had so many visitors that came up, and even on Thanksgiving Day our kids came up. I mean, I am just forever thankful for those people.

Michelle Moore: 24:46

But I want to read you something that really encouraged me through this. And God puts people in your paths to help you go along with this. But this is what was written to me. It says Lord, nothing surprises you. This is what was written to me, says Lord, nothing surprises you but bumps in the road and these pop up scares can take its toll. I ask you if you would breathe your peace into the room Now. Surround her with your presence and may peace fall on her mind, her body and her spirit. Keep her steady and allow favor to go before her and bring the right doctors, caregivers, to her side. Settle her in your peace and grace. Jehovah Shema, I don't know if I said that, shema, I'm going to say it right. You are there. Jehovah Shalom, everything needed. You are her peace. Jehovah Rapha, you are Michelle's healer. Thank you, lord, for her strength. Your portion will be more than enough. Do not be afraid, for I'm with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, and I will hold you with my victories in my right hand. Our way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness and, through this day, believing for healing, restoration, everything coming into order within your body. We have things forgoing for us.

Michelle Moore: 26:28

Being a child of the Most High, that gives us our advantage to our battles, and I know you know trust in your heart because you have believed it for a long time. But it's time like these. We use what we know and we fight our battles differently. The enemy of God even uses our emotions, what we hear with our ears, what we just feel in general, to see if we are really going to fight differently than someone else, perhaps even a lukewarm person of faith. But you, michelle, are a strong, mighty warrior in Jesus and you most certainly have what it takes to fight differently because you are his daughter. You have a calling on your life and gifts being used for his glory and let God's voice be louder than any other one that speaks doubt, discouragement and others into your spirit. We find peace and praise when others find worry and stress the enemy in God.

Michelle Moore: 27:40

I hadn't forgot my faith. It was real and it was about to get real dirty, because I'm a fighter, just like you are, and even if that meant being still and calm and having confidence, knowing God is fighting for me, that is exercising my faith on a crazy level. He gives us the strength to the weary and increases the power to the weak. Jesus, encourage her heart today and give her strength, touch her arms, areas that were hurting, sensitive and bothersome. You are concerned about everything that concerns Michelle.

Michelle Moore: 28:24

Thank you for caring for her and overseeing all that is going on around her. Keep all infections and unnecessary stuff at bay. Purify the kidneys, strengthen her function and allow the fluid to flow normally. Strengthen her function and allow the fluid to flow normally. Take care of the little things today as well as the big things. Instill hope, healing and restoration to the portion needed today. Be still and know that I am God. I can't tell you how many times I went back to read that and a sweet friend wrote that to me and as I was going through all that. But I'm so thankful for worship songs and the people that stood in with me because you know what I fought comes into play in that future of a season of life that we had to handle and deal with.

Daniel Moore: 29:24

Yeah. So at this point you were still fighting the kidney disease because they weren't even sure if your kidney was going to rebound or not. And we can say now at this point see, this is seven years, something like that. It actually did get back to stage two. I mean, god came in and done a miraculous work so that that kidney was saved. But you're probably thinking well, you know, this is a testimony, you know it's awesome what God has done here, but what's the rest of this story? So the reason that Michelle and I decided to share this she also has lymphedema in her arm and down her right side and I think that was to do with the blood clots has lymphedema in her arm and down her right side and I think that was to do with the blood clots.

Daniel Moore: 30:26

So there's a chain reaction here, several things, and that's something that she's going to have to deal with prior to the rest of her life unless God does a miraculous healing on that, which we're praying for and we're believing that God's going to do that. But if any of you couples out there have ever been through a situation where there's been some kind of a severe sickness, an illness, or you know, maybe it's been an accident that has caused some perilous in somebody's body or you know those things that can happen sometimes. With Michelle's situation and most women can identify with this when she had the hysterectomy and one thing we did mention, this all started developed the migraines really, really bad.

Michelle Moore: 31:23

And it got to the point where we've tried everything and nothing would work, and it was just it was horrible.

Daniel Moore: 31:30

So this is where it went and this is what ended up happening. And so, in 2018, how old were you then?

Michelle Moore: 31:38

Oh gosh, you would ask me that.

Daniel Moore: 31:40

Let me think here.

Michelle Moore: 31:41

That was seven years ago. I was 41.

Daniel Moore: 31:43

Yeah, you'd been real early 40s 40 or 41, yeah. When women go through those types of things. It messes with hormones, it messes with sex drive. It literally made you a different person. It did, it changed me completely. It literally made her. It literally made you a different person.

Michelle Moore: 32:00

It did, I mean it changed me completely, just putting it bluntly, your life changed.

Daniel Moore: 32:05

Yeah, that day, when that surgery had to take place, and because of some other medical situations that you had earlier in life, you can't you couldn't have hormone treatments.

Michelle Moore: 32:15

No, I can't, and because I was on a blood thinner, I couldn't take anything. Right, I mean, and you would never think that, but yeah.

Daniel Moore: 32:25

And so here we are still young in our marriage, in some ways in our sexual prime. I guess you could say we did, we had all of our kids. Obviously there wasn't any issue with wanting more kids or that going on, but just the intimacy side of the marriage.

Michelle Moore: 32:46

And all of our kids were out of the house then, yeah, and the relationship between us.

Daniel Moore: 32:50

You know it's like that's as a married couple. That's one of the milestones you kind of look forward to is when you're empty nesters and then you can really just focus on each other. Yeah, and what each other's needs are. You're not having to be distracted, you know, being pulled this way and that way for this kid and that kid and whatever. And then here we are, right, when all this takes place and the kids are moving out, they're getting married and all that kind of thing, and then this happens and it pretty much just killed your sex drive and every other kind of drive and so Every other kind of drive and every other kind of drive.

Daniel Moore: 33:25

Yeah, because even with your energy levels and everything, it's just like you were constantly exhausted.

Michelle Moore: 33:30

I was fighting it and I still do, and you still do to an extent now I do.

Daniel Moore: 33:35

And so there's a lot of couples and we know other couples personally right now that are going through the same battle, the same fight and we've seen couples where it's made or break them. You know we've seen some that's not been able to deal with it. We've seen others that are working through it all and they're allowing God to help them through that. But you know there was a pretty extended amount of time there where in a healthy marriage we couldn't really please each other or do those types of things to an extent where we were both satisfied. To an extent, you know, because there was times that you would be frustrated, because you know you knew that as a wife you knew the things that I needed but yet you couldn't fulfill those.

Daniel Moore: 34:30

And there was times that I was frustrated because you couldn't fulfill the needs that I had, and although I knew why the situation was there and I understood that. But a lot of times when you walk through things like that, it does make you question why. Sometimes you know it's like why, god? Why did this have to happen to me? Why am I the one going through this situation? You know, we start putting God through 20 questions and that kind of thing, and it's not usually just one-sided, there's both sides that have lots of thing and it's not usually just one sided.

Daniel Moore: 35:01

There's both sides that have lots of questions, and you know that's just a path that all of a sudden it was beyond the medical part. Now we already had to walk that walk, we already had to go through all of that kind of thing to get you to at least a pretty healthy state, as healthy as you could be. And then here we are with a new battle. And we had already had all the marital issues in the past, because you know we've already talked about a lot of that, and so we were still kind of really in our rebuild stage, for to an extent, and we had moved a lot, we had come a long ways by then, but there was still, you know, more things to, there was still further to go.

Daniel Moore: 35:44

And then all of a sudden this happens. And so I know, during that time, from your side of it, what was some of the emotions that you had to deal with during that time when all of a sudden you realize that your sex drive and you know the, the need to fulfill the wifely duties and all that kind of thing, all of a sudden it seemed like you just couldn't, didn't want to uh, just the different uh things that you went through there, what was those emotional?

Michelle Moore: 36:18

roller coasters that you went through. There were so many Because I couldn't do anything. It was very frustrating for me. There was times that I would try to hide and you know, we would go ahead and do something and then it hurt so bad that I would just cry. And then you felt bad because you're like, why did you say that? So I was trying to keep the communication open, but you know it's very frustrating when you as a person have been able to do something previously and all of a sudden you can't. And then when I say you can't, it's my whole body. It was not anything like. You know, there's times your mind can be, but your body parts can do that, but there was nothing Like. There's times I'm like I could care less, like it doesn't even. I can go months without even thinking about it. I mean, and honestly I mean my body totally changed and I mean I think I was felt like I let you down a lot. But I mean, how did it make you feel?

Daniel Moore: 37:30

I had to do a lot of praying. I will say that because I knew that I'm very sensitive Ever since everything that we've been through. I'm very sensitive to how you feel and I'm very sensitive to making sure that you're taken care of, and especially at that point in time, because everything that you had just walked, going through all the surgeries and everything and me being put into a caretaker mode for a little while because, as you said, there was a lot of things you couldn't do on your own, and so I was there to a lot of things you couldn't do on your own, and so I was there to fulfill that role for you and I feel in that way, that did draw us closer to each other than even we were before that happened.

Daniel Moore: 38:11

And so everything that happened to you I took personally, and so when this happened, I was taking that personally also, but then, at the same time, that was affecting me, and so there was a point there where I had to pray and ask God. I need you to help me through this because, you know, is this going to be the rest of our life? You know, is this what we had to look forward to the rest of our life, or is this going to get better? Look forward to the rest of our life, or is this going to get better? Is it going to change?

Daniel Moore: 38:43

And we both know, looking at statistics and looking at other people that walk through those types of situations, that usually it doesn't get better unless you manually make something happen. It doesn't that healing does not come, typically, unless God gives you the healing, and so, therefore, you as a couple have to take steps to try to accommodate and start trying to work your way through. So all these situations that we'd already been through, you think you've been through everything and you think you've experienced every possible problem you could ever have, and then, all of a sudden, boom, there's something new. You know it's like now I got something else to navigate. Did you worry at any time when you were going through that? Did you worry that you were going to lose me?

Daniel Moore: 39:34

you know, or how did you feel about that I?

Michelle Moore: 39:36

think that I had. I think because my body had been through so much. I honestly can't say that I ever. I wondered if you were going to turn to something. I don't think I mean never did it cross my mind that you would go to somebody physically. I mean never did it cross my mind that you would go to somebody physically, but it made me at times wonder if it would turn to like porn or something because of that, because I was fighting my own battles of trying to figure out this is a new body I have. How do I handle this? It's not nothing what I'm used to. I can't make you happy and at that time I think I just had so many things going on that I don't know that I processed that. I would say that at times I, you know, I did worry about that.

Daniel Moore: 40:30

So, once we started moving forward and we started trying to navigate through this, what are some steps that you finally started having to take to try to not necessarily correct the situation, but try to move forward and make it better to you know, to the point that you could do the best you could in the situation.

Michelle Moore: 40:51

Well, you know, as you said earlier, you had to pray and have God help you with that. I think that was a lot of it, for my mindset is praying that God helped me accept the body that is now given to me, help me do the things I once did, but do it better in your timing, obviously, you know. But to also open your heart, to be understanding, which I knew you were but to ease my mind that it was okay. You know, and I think because of that and the fact that I really started praying and really seeking God at that time about it, I mean, it become easier for me. And you know, my mind wasn't in 20 million different spots and I found myself, hey, let's have sex. You know, no, it definitely wasn't. It was one every six months. You know, you know it wasn't, but it was a thought, and before that there wasn't ever a thought. You know, I was like heck, no, you know.

Daniel Moore: 41:55

But I think the prayer really helped me a lot with that, yeah, and so you know, with me being a guy, and most guys are all the same- you know we just they like to say we have a one-track mind.

Daniel Moore: 42:09

That's not really true, in my instance anyway.

Daniel Moore: 42:14

But one thing that I really feel, like I, that I had to do to move forward in this is I did have to let God work through the whole thing to accommodate the situation in my mind, to help me, you know, navigate it the way that I needed to, to make sure that you felt secure, because I think one of the things I was worried about I didn't want you to start feeling insecure in our relationship or, you know, worried about what I'm doing or not going to do to, you know, to fill in the gaps and all that kind of thing.

Daniel Moore: 42:50

Because that stuff did cross my mind as well, and you know I understood the problem which I used to be a medic. I was a medic for about six years and so I was around a lot of medical stuff, and so I probably had a little bit better understanding of some of the things you were going through, probably more so than the average person, and so I knew that with situations that come along medically, sometimes you have to adjust and you have to accommodate and you have to do the best that you can to try to work around that situation and still make it work for each person, and so I feel like God gave me a grace to be able to do that.

Daniel Moore: 43:30

You know, I feel that ever since that time up till now, God has made it happen to where between the two of us that, for the most part, you know, neither one of us have ever lacked. I feel like we both have been satisfied in all areas between our, in our relationship, and I do attribute a lot of that to God.

Daniel Moore: 43:52

Yeah, absolutely I mean, but I think that the love that we have for each other. You know, I think that was an anchor really too, because we had already been through so much before, we'd already almost been divorced. You know, we knew what it was like to hurt each other really bad and say really bad things about each other. And you know, by the time that your sickness took place and everything that happened, I feel like that you and I had more of a solid foundation underneath us, that we had already built our relationship on that. This was just another minor setback. You know, that's just kind of how I looked at it and in the long run, god has worked that out. Now we understand, not every couple out there is going to have an end result like you and I.

Daniel Moore: 44:40

I understand that completely out there is going to have an end result. Like you and I, I understand that completely and I think you know, as far as from my side of it, you know the advice that I would give to you guys out there. If you're walking through something like this, where you know your spouse has been to a situation that has really affected the intimacy side, you know the sexual drive and those kinds of things in your relationship and you're really struggling with that, my first thing to say is you need to take that to God. Secondly, you need to communicate. You have to talk to your spouse and you guys have to be open with your communication on all levels of anything that you're feeling, the things that you're going through, Because if you're not careful and I think you know Michelle can vouch for this unless I talk to her, unless I talk to you and tell you what's going on, you're not going to know if I'm having a problem.

Michelle Moore: 45:35

Right.

Daniel Moore: 45:35

And if I act like everything's okay but it's not really okay, you're going to think it's okay because I'm not saying anything. And then this whole time I would be sitting here feeling worse and worse about the situation, maybe getting more frustrated, more aggravated.

Michelle Moore: 45:52

And I think that's an opportunity for the enemy.

Daniel Moore: 45:54

It is, and so that communication is so important.

Michelle Moore: 45:58

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 45:59

And between the two. There's plenty of things out there to help with a situation like that.

Michelle Moore: 46:05

And I can remember us talking about it, like we would lay in bed and we would just talk about it. You know, I mean honestly it's like I would like to have this tonight, but I know that you know you can't, and we would just sit there and talk about it. I know it sounds like the weirdest thing, but the communication, I think, helped us. It grew us together and it also the fact that we are both wanting you know wanting what God had for us and we were willing to both walk it slowly. And you know God's going to be there through it all with you. And you know he's helping you in different ways, as he was helping me in different ways and then he was helping us together in both ways.

Daniel Moore: 46:54

Yeah, and so if this is a female that's having this issue, what would you tell to her as far as staying that course and taking care of her problems? Taking care of, because this is a psychological thing as well For the person that's going through the sickness and the surgeries that's having the life change that is a mind game. It is. I mean, there's no other way to describe that, right, because that starts a battle in your mind.

Michelle Moore: 47:26

Absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 47:28

And that trickles out starts messing with your marriage.

Michelle Moore: 47:30

I think that's also when I've learned to, though, keep your thoughts about all good things you know, and if you know it's not a good thing and it's not from God, you need to rebuke that in the name of Jesus, plead the blood over it.

Michelle Moore: 47:50

I mean, I've learned a lot of times, because my mind will go in 20 million different places, but I would definitely tell you one you know, even though you may change from what's happened, you are still a daughter of the Most High King, and remember, he knew what was going to happen to you before it happened. And that's where, you know, I struggled with loving my body to begin with, and so when all that happened, it changed me drastically and more emotional, you know, in a lot of ways, but God changed my heart. He also changed my mind, and when I say he changed my mind, it's up to me whether to have good thoughts. You know, I can allow those thoughts to come in my mind that are not good, and it would ruin our moment, you know, and it would ruin everything about what we were trying to talk about or anything. So I would tell you to definitely make sure you guard your thoughts and you know, just remember there was a purpose for what you walk through.

Michelle Moore: 49:01

Just remember there was a purpose for what you walk through and that's, you know, when I first opened it up, that God has a purpose for your pain and a reason for your struggle, you know, and a reward for your faithfulness. I mean, and I look at us now, of what we've walked and, guys, I'm telling you my husband's the best male nurse I've ever seen, my husband's the best male nurse I've ever seen. And going from a male nurse to still being my husband, to walking through this season of life, he never really thought about himself. Now you may have, and you didn't tell me about it. I mean, I know you were fighting some stuff and you were praying, but you always were attentive to me and made sure that I've been taken care of and still, to this day, you're that way.

Daniel Moore: 49:50

Yeah, and there is also help out there therapists and all that kind of thing. We don't want to downplay any of that either, because obviously this is a biblical-based podcast, so we're always obviously going to, you know, put God in things first. We always want to pray about things and ask God for direction in anything that happens within our lives, our marriages and whatever. But God also allows us to use the medical community.

Michelle Moore: 50:19

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 50:19

And so, whatever it takes, just don't let Satan get a foothold in your marriage and allow anything that happens between the two of you to tear that apart. I think that's probably our main point that we want to make with this episode, and you know because we do know people that is walking what Michelle's walked and is walking what I'm walking, whether, if it's on either side, because the guys go through surgery sometimes too that causes issues and causes problems, cancer, anything, yeah, there's different things that can take place, but we just want you to know you're not alone.

Michelle Moore: 50:55

Right.

Daniel Moore: 50:56

There's other people out there walking that same walk and they're having to navigate all of those issues, just like you are, and every situation is different. We totally understand that. The walk that Michelle and I have walked is probably completely different than some of you out there that's listening, that may be walking through this as well right now, but the end result has to be the same. If you're married with your spouses, you have to bring God into it and allow him to work through both of you and figure out okay, so if we have limitations here, here and here, then how do we overcome that and move past all of that and still make this marriage work, still keep us happy, keep that happiness that's there and allow us to be the happily married couple that God wants us to be. And God will help you do that. He really will.

Michelle Moore: 51:48

I'm just going to say this because you know me and I just throw things out there. A marriage doesn't have to be all about sex.

Daniel Moore: 51:58

You know you just broke every guy's heart.

Michelle Moore: 52:00

I know I'm sorry, you know you just broke every guy's heart I know, I'm sorry, but, and sometimes in seasons, just wrapping your arms around the other person and just holding them tightly and telling them you love them means more than anything. Yeah, and we, I mean I'm so thankful Dan was okay with that Because, honestly, that's my favorite thing. It may not be every man's, but you know what I'm saying. It's a season and you know, make sure that your wife or your husband, whoever it may be, knows that they're loved. Whoever it may be knows that they're loved, no matter what it is and what you used to do that you can't do now. Just love on them, know that you're there to support them and pray together about it.

Daniel Moore: 52:54

Yeah, I always remember that spouse that had to have this, like you're the one that had the surgeries. You didn't ask for that. You know that was not something that you ever saw in your future. You didn't see yourself walking through that someday and I just hate it. When I see couples, one couple will go through a traumatic situation that causes a complete life change which interrupts the life of the other spouse, upsets them, they get frustrated and the first thing they want to do is they just want to pack their bags up and leave because it's not the same as it was before. That's not fair to the other spouse. That spouse that's going through all of that needs more support at that time from their spouse than they've ever needed it, and they need to feel they're already going through problems and situations in their body that they don't understand and they need to know that, they need to feel like they're loved by somebody.

Daniel Moore: 53:45

You know that through thick and thin, sickness and poor and all that stuff that we say when we get married, that's where it puts your feet to the fire.

Michelle Moore: 53:54

Yeah, and I've told them that.

Daniel Moore: 53:56

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 53:56

I mean we've. We've fought them all, like you know, and and to this day, even if we had to go before another season, god would be walking right there with us and we would take it day by day.

Daniel Moore: 54:10

Yep, as we talked about some of our episodes, you know that marriage covenant is a serious thing and be forewarned if you say that covenant before your spouse and you get married and you both take that vow that someday you may get called on it and you may have to walk your talk, and so just be prepared for that, because that is a vow that you take in marriage that you have to take seriously.

Michelle Moore: 54:37

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 54:37

Because when stuff like this happens, it's going to really show what you're made out of.

Michelle Moore: 54:41

And you. To this day, there's still things that, like with my lymphedema, I mean I can't be like repetition with my right arm, I can't do anything.

Daniel Moore: 54:54

So he gets to paint sometimes for me and he just loves it.

Michelle Moore: 54:57

Yeah, it creates more work you know, and this is something that I have, you know is going forward in the future there are things that he has stepped in that I can't do anymore, and you know he doesn't ever gripe about it, except for painting. He hates painting.

Daniel Moore: 55:13

Yeah, it's not my favorite thing.

Michelle Moore: 55:15

But he does it. But you know, those are the things that being there for that spouse and reinsuring them that, hey, I'm in it with you, no matter what, no matter what costs, I'm right here with you, yep.

Daniel Moore: 55:39

Well, I think we're going to call it good on that one. Is there anything else that you want to add to that?

Daniel Moore: 55:46

I do want to say that you know, if you're a couple out there and you're struggling with something like this and you want someone to walk alongside you in prayer just to help you guys, you know, try to get through things or whatever you can reach out to us. There's a form on the website that you can fill out and send in, or you can email danielconnectingthegapnet that's on the website as well. We'd be more than happy to put you on our prayer list and to pray for you, and maybe, if you're going through an issue and you're wanting some advice, you can throw the question at us and we'll see if we can answer it for you and maybe try to give you some good advice. That maybe something that we've been through and what's helped us, because we really kind of had to navigate this on our own.

Daniel Moore: 56:33

Yeah, because we didn't have anybody that's been through this before us necessarily?

Michelle Moore: 56:38

And, to be honest, a lot of people don't talk about stuff like this.

Daniel Moore: 56:41

No, they don't talk about stuff like this.

Michelle Moore: 56:42

No, they don't, and I think you know, since doing the podcast, as we find out other things from people you know, it's like I wish they would have shared that, because that would have helped us tremendously, you know, and you know whether it may be just a little tidbit or something.

Daniel Moore: 56:57

I mean you know it helps yeah, yeah, it always helps to know that somebody's walked that walk already. And how did they get through it?

Michelle Moore: 57:05

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 57:05

I mean that just helps a lot for people that are newly going through things like that. So, with that being said, we're going to go ahead and wrap up this week. I just I do want to thank God for again for where he's brought Michelle and I to in this point in our marriage and this point in our life. And I think you know we hate the things that we walk through sometimes. You know, it's just not something we would ask for and if we had the chance to go back and change it and do it all differently, a lot of us would do that with a lot of things that happen in our life. But, as it goes, life moves forward, life moves on and you have to live with the things that happen and you have to try to just use those to the best that you can and make something good out of those, with the help of God. And so at this point in our life, with the things that we've been through, we just hope that the stories that we can share and the things that we can talk about with those, that it would just help someone out there of you guys that are listening. So, with that being said, I think we'll go ahead and wrap up this week's episode. So if you want to continue to catch our episodes, make sure you subscribe to our platform. That's how you'll know when new episodes are coming out.

Daniel Moore: 58:17

And again, I'm Daniel Moore and my wife Michelle. She's been sitting here with us this week and helping. This was her story today, so I hope you guys got something from that. This show really wouldn't be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, or if you'd like to help us out with a few seconds, just give us a five star click and please subscribe to us on your favorite platform, and the links for all of those are in our show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. Just an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries. We pray that y'all have a blessed week.

Aria: 58:56

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.