Grace for the Journey - A First Marriage Meets a Second - 230

What happens when love finds you after divorce? Scottie and Vicky Albious join us to share their remarkable journey of building a marriage where one spouse had been previously married with a child, while the other was experiencing marriage for the first time.

Their story begins at a church volleyball game that sparked a friendship, eventually blossoming into something deeper. Scottie, having experienced divorce and raising a young daughter, initially planned to remain single until his daughter reached her teens. The complexity of introducing another relationship seemed overwhelming—until Vicky entered the picture.

The couple candidly discusses the unique challenges they faced during their first years together. "I am not her," Vicky would remind Scottie when past marriage patterns threatened to infiltrate their new relationship. This crucial distinction helped them forge their own path rather than retreading old ground. Their testimony reveals how trust became the foundation of their blended family, with Scottie acknowledging the wisdom Vicky brought to parenting despite never having been a mother before.

Communication emerged as both a challenge and eventual strength. While Scottie describes himself as naturally outgoing, he admits that expressing deeper emotions initially proved difficult. "Intimacy doesn't always mean sex," he reflects, "it just basically means 'into me you see.'" This vulnerability transformed their connection, especially when facing conflicts. Rather than responding to anger with more anger—a common relationship trap—Vicky would retreat to prayer, a response that completely shifted their communication dynamics.

Marriage conferences played a significant role in their growth together, with both acknowledging how these experiences regularly revealed blind spots and opportunities for personal development. Their advice for others in similar situations comes from hard-won experience: take your time introducing children to new relationships, be absolutely certain this path is God's will, and never hesitate to seek help.

After eleven years together and raising three children—Khira (17), Israel (9), and Titus (7)—their story stands as a testament to what's possible when grace, patience, and faith guide the formation of a blended family. Whether you're navigating a similar journey or simply want to strengthen your existing relationship, this episode offers wisdom that transcends circumstances.

Chapters

• 0:00 Moving Forward With A New Relationship
• 3:28 Meeting Scottie and Vicki Albious
• 6:02 Their Love Story Begins
• 13:42 Navigating Previous Marriage Dynamics
• 27:43 Insecurities and Fears in Remarriage
• 40:02 Advice for Blended Families

Transcript

Scottie Albious: 0:06

So me, I was ready to move on and I was ready to move on with Vicky. Now, in my mindset, I'm like, okay, make her feel like she's. You know she's number one. The other girl she's in the past. You know my daughter is going to be in between and you know we're going to navigate this together.

Scottie Albious: 0:21

And during that time I realized, when things got serious, like Vicky had a lot of, she brought a lot of wisdom into raising a child, raising a daughter, you know things like I would never see. And I said okay. So I realized that I had to trust her. I had to trust her with her wisdom and with her knowledge. And you know it was crazy because Vicki's never been married before, but she knew how to. She was navigating me through this season of, of, you know, marriage, you know stepping into marriage and and and raising a daughter. But I think, to answer your question, I was. I definitely. I wanted her to feel secure and, hey, I'm not going anywhere. You know we're, I'm in my thirties now. I don't have time to waste. You know we're going to, I'm sticking through this and you know I'm in for the halls.

Daniel Moore: 1:06

This week on Marriage Life More. We welcome Scottie and Vicky Albious into the studio and they're going to be sharing their testimony and some things about the life that they've lived, and we'll be back with that right after this. Thank you, welcome to Marriage Life and More. This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies. We interview people with inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. I have Michelle, my beautiful co-host, here with me this week. Thank you, guys, for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at www. marriagelifeandmore. com. For all of our platforms. Our YouTube and Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edifi. We're also on your Alexa and Google smart devices. If you can visit us on social, we'd appreciate that. We're on Facebook and Instagram at ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms. Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple, and we'd be eternally grateful for you for doing that.

Daniel Moore: 2:39

So thank you, guys, for joining us this week.

Daniel Moore: 2:41

As I mentioned here in the intro, we have an awesome couple sitting here with us this week Scottie and Vicky Albious, and this week we're going to be talking a little bit about a scenario where, when people come together to get married, one of the spouses has been married before and the other one has not, so it's going to be a very good episode and we hope that you'll enjoy that this week.

Scottie Albious: 3:17

We're excited to be here. First of all, I just want to say thank you guys for having us. It's an honor to be here with you and man. I'm just excited for what God's doing in your ministries moving forward and you know our prayer is that God uses you guys more as a bright light in marriages and relationships, pre-marriages and things like that. So it's a total honor to be here. So thank you so much.

Daniel Moore: 3:39

Yes, well, we're thankful to have you guys here. And, of course, one thing I do want to share with our listeners Michelle and I just did a pretty long about a four-month study on the four laws of love, and throughout that series we mentioned several times about a couple that has really been an inspiration to us as we've been through this walk in our own marriage and everything, and Scottie and Vicky are the couple that we were referring to in those. They got us to go into XO Conference and Scottie and Vicky- are the couple that we were referring to in those.

Daniel Moore: 4:08

They got us to go into XO Conference. We went to a couple of those with you guys and that really opened our eyes up to a lot of new things, just even with our own marriages and everything and so we're super thankful and excited to have you guys on the podcast finally and let other people get to meet you guys.

Scottie Albious: 4:24

And can we say I think we felt the same way you guys fed into us when it came into marriage things and blended family things, and there was times in our life where the enemy wanted us to feel like we were lonely and left out. No one can understand, and it was almost like we ran into each other at perfect timing. So thank you guys as well. It was awesome.

Daniel Moore: 4:46

We go way back to Michelle, and I just mentioned a few times about Altar'd. It's a life group that we used to lead at a different church. We were going together at that. We started that ministry from the ground up and that was just an awesome. I think about five years. I think it was that we did that. It was a college-aged life group and young career adults, young adults that were kind of getting career-minded and whatever, and so that was a really exciting time to get to serve next to you guys.

Scottie Albious: 5:12

And it was a lot of fun.

Daniel Moore: 5:14

So it's kind of crazy how God just takes us from you know points in our life to different points in our life and how things change, you know. But the friendships were there forever and that's just something that I really am super thankful for. So, as we get started here. First, I want to just let you guys just have an opportunity. Just tell us about you, your family, just anything that our listeners would like to know about Scotty and Vicki.

Vicky Albious: 5:41

Well, we've been married, for it'll be 11 years this August and we have three beautiful kiddos Our daughter's 17, Khira. And then Israel is nine, almost 10, which is hard to believe and then Titus is seven, almost eight, in July. And just lots of life and craziness, but so good. But we've known each other probably a good 14 or 15 years. Went to church for a while before we started dating and it was just one of those things where my dad actually was like Vicky, why don't you date Scottie? And I was like no, like we played volleyball and stuff together at the church we were at and he was like why don't you date Scotty? I'm like no, he's too short, what no?

Michelle Moore: 6:40

I totally understand that, Vicky.

Vicky Albious: 6:46

And so you know, we just started becoming friends, and more, and he actually tried to prank me one night and we ended up on the phone for six hours after that just talking about life and ministry and growing up and all this kind of stuff and kind of just kicked off from there. I think we talked pretty much every day after that and it's just been awesome and my dad was so excited when we started dating and he loves Scotty to pieces.

Vicky Albious: 7:16

She can blame your dad for all of that, then yes, I can't wear high heels anymore because of my tower over him.

Michelle Moore: 7:23

You know what's funny? I wouldn't when we're getting ready to go on our cruise and I want this elegant dress and I'm like I can't wear high heels because I'm going to be taller than you. So I totally understand that.

Scottie Albious: 7:38

Whenever that situation comes, dan and I we'll wear the high heels for you. There we go, problem solved, you're welcome. No, I think what Vicki was saying is, you know, being married during that time of just both of our singleness, I was probably about two, three years in singleness and I was walking through a divorce and that time it was just really, really tough because in that moment, you know, I was in a dark place of questioning God. I did this in church and I served here and I helped lead that and I'm going through this. So I really I was just going to be single for a while and then I had my daughter, which at the time she was five, four or five, and I just wanted to focus on her. And I told Vicki before meeting her, it was her I was just going to focus on raising my kid and I wasn't going to date until she was like in her teens, because I didn't want to deal with the dynamics and deal with another woman coming in, deal with my ex-wife dealing with this person. So I had all these things that I thought that I was going to have to walk through. But man, it was not like that at all.

Scottie Albious: 8:42

So I, you know, I started coming to volleyball and that's where I met Vicki and we started talking more and I started going to church and I just remember, you know, always she was helping, she was leading worship at the time, and one day she led a song and I was just always attending church. And then, that's when I saw her in a different light. I was like, oh, this girl, she's beautiful, you know. And after that we started, you know, kind of talking. And I remember one time was this, right shortly after you led, she was coming off the stage and normally she would go off on the other end, but this time she came off on my end and I was like, wait a minute, she's trying to catch my attention. Well, it was so cool.

Scottie Albious: 9:27

That's exactly what happened, so it was so cool. So she was coming down in her heels when I still wore them, when she still wore them, and as she was coming down off the steps, she like tripped with her heels coming off the steps.

Scottie Albious: 9:35

It caught in the carpet, that's when I tell people that's the day that she fell for me. So then I knew that was confirmation from the Lord. I was like, okay, god, this is it, I'm going to pursue my wife. But no, ever since then it's been awesome, you know, just living life and being married, and you know I wouldn't take that back by any means. And you know I'm just so thankful.

Daniel Moore: 9:55

Yeah.

Vicky Albious: 9:57

We had both went through a season of singleness. I had actually been single for probably nine, ten years and just a big time of just growing in the Lord through my 20s. And then he had been single for around three years when we had met and finally started talking more in our relationship. But both in those times of singleness just such a growing time in the Lord, you know, and figuring out just the things in our life and who we are and you know what we really want in a godly spouse, and so it's such a cool time you know speaking into that.

Daniel Moore: 10:38

you know, a lot of times when we come out of high school, a lot of people's minds automatically shift to the boyfriend, girlfriend getting married thing, having kids and whatever. But we know that that's not always God's plan to immediately have that happen as soon as we get out of school. And a lot of people struggle with if there's a significant span of time after they get out of school and they start into the workforce and whatever. They don't seem to find their significant other real quickly. All their other friends are getting whatever. They don't seem to find their significant other real quickly. All their other friends are getting married, they're having kids, they're moving on, you know. And here's, you know we are just sitting, we're God, where's mine, and that kind of thing, you know.

Daniel Moore: 11:16

So I always find it interesting when I find people, though, that actually utilize that time to grow. They do a positive thing with it. A lot of it's negative a lot of times, because they start thinking what's wrong with me? You know, why can't I find my other person? Is God, you know, doing something here? You know, am I doing something wrong? You know all these thoughts go through their head. What would you speak just for a second on that. What would you speak to someone that maybe they're in that situation right at the moment, still in that waiting mode? What would you tell them?

Vicky Albious: 11:46

Man, god's timing is so everything. And you know, just through those years of singleness, there were definitely times that I just was like God, seriously like, because my parents got married young and they were like 20, I think, and so I was, you know, growing up I was like I want to be a mom, I want to be a wife. You know, I'm going to get married when I'm 20. And I was 29 when we finally got married. But you know, through our 20s is such a growing time, like you truly are learning who you are as a person and who you are in God.

Vicky Albious: 12:22

And you know, I had dated a little bit in my teens, not very much. I had only dated two people, one I almost married and God closed that door. And you know, through some of those 20s I was just like God, when, when, when, you know. But then I just was like no, I'm going to take some of this time, you know, just to really zone in and focus in on just ministry and what are you calling me to do? You know, and I definitely, when Scotty came along, it was just like okay, and it was just one of those things where, like, I probably would have married him within like three months because I just knew, but it ended up being 10 months. We dated and then married, but definitely just take that time to soak in the time and the presence of the Lord, because when you get married and you have kids that all changes a lot Such good advice.

Daniel Moore: 13:20

Yeah, and there's. You know, a lot of times people they'll date, you know, during that time and they'll just jump and marry the wrong person because they're so desperate to have that relationship and that connection to someone that they don't give God time to work. And that's a very dangerous place to be, because that's one reason some of our divorce statistics are so high because they ended up with the wrong person. You know they just got ahead of God and ahead of themselves and all of that. And so I think you know that's some good advice just to wait on God and in his timing, because God knows and he's got a reason for that wait and I know we all like to have things immediately. We're in this fast food drive-thru mode these days, what I call microwave popcorn days, where you just want things instantly. You know, you think about this and you want it. I want it right now and you just want. Just try to do whatever you can to get that.

Vicky Albious: 14:13

I heard it said we're a microwave generation serving a crockpot. God, there we go Wow.

Daniel Moore: 14:19

Yeah, that's a good way to put that, because you know, god does move a little slower than us sometimes, and when he's doing that, we probably need to try to figure out why. You know, just not jump that. Put the cart before the horse there. So this week what we're going to be talking about we're going to have Scotty and Vicki here for three episodes actually, and this is the first one of three this week. What we're going to talk a little bit about is, as you guys have shared here in your testimony already, just a little bit.

Daniel Moore: 14:47

Vicki, you've never been married before, and then Scotty had been married and was divorced when you guys got married. So that creates a little bit of a dynamic where you have to kind of figure things out. You know, it's not like you're two individuals coming into something that neither of you have ever done before. In all reality, one of you is coming in with some baggage and then you know the other one has baggage, but a different kind of baggage probably. So you have to try to figure out how to mesh all that together. And so as we get started into this this week, vicki, I'm going to ask you first here what was it like, stepping into your marriage knowing that Scotty had been married before and you hadn't. How did you prepare your mind? How did you get yourself ready? Was there like, was it an easy thing for you to do? Or you know what's your thought process on that?

Vicky Albious: 15:36

You know I was very prayerful in it, just a lot too, because he had a child and I did not want to, you know, get so deep into it and have Kira attached if that wasn't God's plan.

Vicky Albious: 15:53

And so, very prayerfully, and I remember sitting down with my mom and dad and just talking to him about it, you know, because I honestly never thought I would marry someone who had been married and who had a child, you know both of those, and so I, you know, was talking to my mom and dad about it and my dad, well, both of them, mom and dad, both were just like, you know, like Scotty is an amazing man of God and you know there's definitely going to be some rough times, as in any marriage.

Vicky Albious: 16:27

You know, it definitely adds more dynamics when it is, you know, there is an X in the situation, but just very prayerfully, you know, and we, you know, pretty early on in our relationship, probably within that first month of dating or so, you know, I told him one night. I said I really feel like we need to pray together and, you know, ask the Lord if this is it. God, we want to continue forward, if this is your will, but if not, show us because we don't. You know, we don't want to hurt more than what we should and we definitely didn't want to hurt Kira. And so just yeah, very prayerfully, you know, and knowing you know, there would be obstacles to come, but I had an awesome man of God to walk through those times with.

Daniel Moore: 17:20

So, scotty, whenever you decided to pursue this relationship, knowing that what you were bringing into the equation, how did you navigate with the past experiences that you'd had? You know having a child already, and now you know having an ex in the picture. The things that you knew was you know having a child already, and now you know having an ex in the picture, the things that you knew was you know going to be some hurdles that you're going to have to jump through.

Daniel Moore: 17:45

At the same time, though, making Vicki feel like this was a safe relationship. What's some things that you had to do to prepare for that?

Scottie Albious: 17:50

You know, going into, you know, a relationship, I think. Well, what Vicki mentioned earlier, it was definitely led in prayer. I, you know, like I said, at first I was like God, is this right? That I'm having feelings? And you know I've got to deal with, you know, my daughter and my ex-wife and you know this dynamic is going to be totally different. You know God should show me, show me, and you know, just over time and just building a friendship with Vicki and just adding on to our relationship and just talking, and you know, we just had so many coffee dates and time to talk and I was able to, I think for me to share that was one of my weaknesses. I, you know it's hard to, as I believe, as a guy, it's hard to share our feelings, to share our fears, you know, and as learning and God saying, you know, telling me, well, we'll talk about this and tell her about this, and tell her how you feel. And you know it was really tough but at the same time it was so freeing because us men, you know, we don't want to expose those weaknesses, those areas, those fears and things like that. But you know, knowing Vicki and her compassion and just her grace, for you know, this is what's going to happen and it was just and to prepare myself. You know, I had to just ask the Lord to lead me because I wanted my, the girl that I'm dating then. I wanted her to know that, yes, I came from a past. But that time was over. I spent time alone, I spent time with the Lord, I spent time asking and, over time, god revealing, god confirming some things, my heart and I was ready to move on. So, me, I was ready to move on and I was ready to move on with Vicki. Now, in my mindset, I'm like, okay, make her feel like she's. You know she's number one. The other girl, she's in the past. You know my daughter's going to be in between's. You know she's number one, the other girl, she's in the past. You know my daughter is going to be in between and you know we're going to navigate this together.

Scottie Albious: 19:44

And during that time, I realized, when things are getting serious, like Vicki had a lot of. She brought a lot of wisdom into raising a child, raising a daughter. You know, things like I would never see and I said okay. So I realized that I had to trust her. I had to trust her with her wisdom and with her knowledge and you know it was crazy because Vicki's never been married before, but she knew how to she was navigating me through this season of, you know, marriage, you know, stepping into marriage and raising a daughter. But I think, to answer your question, I was, I definitely. I wanted her to feel secure and, hey, I'm not going anywhere. You know we're, I'm in my 30s now. I don't have time to waste. You know we're gonna. I'm sticking through this and you know I'm in for the haul.

Vicky Albious: 20:24

So and it's a Kim reassuring me of that sometimes, because I can remember we had went to a concert, and it was before we were married and his ex-wife would had actually just come through a second divorce or was in the process of it. And she was at that same concert with Kira, and she'd come up to us and was like talking, and she kind of had her hand on Scotty's arm, like you know, and I'm standing back and I'm like, oh, this is interesting, you know. But my heart in that too, though, is you know, once we got in the car and we were headed home, I told him. I said, if you feel that things could work out with her and it'd be better for your kid, I don't want to get in the way of that. And he was like I'm going to tell you right here and now absolutely not. It's like I'm not going back there. God has completely shifted my heart and I'm not going back there. God has completely shifted my heart and I'm moving forward.

Michelle Moore: 21:25

So there were moments that I needed that reassurance, I would say, just coming out of that. I think that's pretty cool, though, that how you had told him that If this is something that you think that you could work out with her, no matter how much you loved him and you knew he was the one, but yet you were willing to lay that down for Scotty and Kira. I love that I mean, I just love the fact that you loved him that much that you would do that.

Scottie Albious: 21:49

It kind of caught me off guard when she said that, because I was like what? No, I've moved on, I'm yours man, you're not getting rid of me, but no, I, you know, during that. It's so crazy because, like whenever that situation happened I didn't even notice it, yeah, I wasn't even paying attention to it. But then I think the number one thing, especially for men, that's come through a relationship, stay single and let God heal.

Daniel Moore: 22:12

You might think you're strong enough.

Scottie Albious: 22:13

You might think you've been married before. You might think you have all the answers. You don't. I'm just going to break it to you. You don't. God knows the answers. Let him do his thing. Like you mentioned earlier, we live in a microwave society, dan. You and I we're technology guys. We want things boom, boom, boom. It's the Wi-Fi lags. Worth't think you know the answer. You don't think you don't come up with. I always call these like little confirmations, like if something happens, oh, that's confirmation. Okay, god, I'm moving on. You know things like that. But no, just truly wait on Him and spend time with Him.

Michelle Moore: 22:53

So earlier you were talking about like making sure the communication was there. Did you have communication in your first marriage?

Scottie Albious: 23:01

I thought I did, but look how it ended. No, I'm kidding.

Michelle Moore: 23:05

I just I mean, I guess my question is your personality is very outgoing, but is it hard for you, when you first met Vicki, to communicate and let her know everything that you were feeling?

Scottie Albious: 23:17

I think for some stuff it wasn't because I was always an open book, but, like I said, going back to when it came to the heart, when it came to things that really bothered and fear, it was hard. I had to learn and she was just like, just, you know, open up, let me know. And you know, we get in those ruts where she's like, how's work? Eh, it was all right. Yeah, what'd you do then? No, it just worked, you know.

Michelle Moore: 23:38

So you pressed him yeah, yeah, yep.

Scottie Albious: 23:41

That and I feel like I'm doing it right now. So we were going through you remember you guys were talking about marriage conferences and I want to do this is what's going to happen. But now by saying I feel like, fill in the blank, I'm able to. I know it sounds so simple, but communicate to her. She understands where I'm coming from. She understands my heart. You know the Bible talks about intimacy and the importance of intimacy between husband and wife and guys. We're I speak for guys and myself we're one of the worst. Intimacy doesn't always mean sex, it just basically means into me.

Scottie Albious: 24:22

you see, they need to see inside of us, they need to understand our hearts, where we're coming from. They need to feel our fears, feel our pains. We don't want to give it away, but we have to. And then what happens is man, because I've done it so many times the Holy Spirit heals those areas and heals that bond between you two, you know.

Michelle Moore: 24:39

So good, so good.

Daniel Moore: 24:41

So how did you guys because you've been married before and you've already had a lot of experiences throughout that first marriage how did you accomplish building something new versus maybe rehashing off of Scotty what you had already had in your past? How did you keep those separated?

Vicky Albious: 24:59

It took some time. Our first couple of years it was pretty rough, you know there was several times that I would have to say I am not her Like you need to stop this, you know, and I just have to be like I'm saying this or doing this because of this and it's to benefit all of us, not just myself, you know. And so you know, I just really need you to think about this or this, you know, and then we can talk about it. But yeah, it took some time.

Scottie Albious: 25:33

The first two years were really rough and that's why, when Vicki wanted to do the marriage conference, I was like I definitely want to do marriage conferences because it fixed her. Yeah, but man, god had a different, different plan Every year. I'd be like, oh my gosh, it was me. That's the issue, because when we walked into as soon as we got married, I've been married before, so all of a sudden, I know the answers, I know how to be married, I know what it's like to be married.

Scottie Albious: 25:58

What's wrong with this woman? How come she's not listening to me? Because I've been experienced, and, man, I'll tell you what. When God and when the Holy Spirit opens up your heart to show who you are, you're selfish, you're not listening. You have to be comforting, you have to secure her and, man, you talk about humbling and so and I had to share that with her, that's what was hard I was like, babe, here's what we're going to do. I'm sorry, and you know, repent to her, repent to the Lord and man, just upon that I think over and over, we're not perfect. You know, I've learned as a walking it helps heal both of us.

Vicky Albious: 26:37

Yeah, that's so good.

Daniel Moore: 26:38

Those marriage conferences are brutal for us guys. Yeah, they are. It's so funny because, you know, a lot of times we look at our marriages and we think we just have it all figured out to an extent. You know this is a no brainer.

Daniel Moore: 26:53

This is easy, you know. And then you find out you were doing the whole thing all wrong the whole time and it's like no wonder we're having all these problems. But that's a perfect. Those, those conferences, definitely show you how, and a lot of that comes from the way we're brought up, right?

Daniel Moore: 27:11

You know, oh, my goodness, you don't want to blame your parents for anything, obviously, but in all reality that's who we get our training from for the most part on how we're going to be doing our marriages later, and unfortunately our parents didn't have it figured out either in a lot of ways and you know that just continues through the generations, unless that's ever broken, and that's why I'm so thankful for the good marriage conferences. The one we went to with you guys, I thought was phenomenal.

Vicky Albious: 27:38

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 27:38

And it just really it did. They read your mail.

Vicky Albious: 27:42

I always say that the only reason we're together, you know, still is, of course, God and our want to, but also because of Jimmy Evans and the EXO conference, because that changed our lives completely. Yeah, we go into that every year just to really go deeper and let God really go deep into our hearts and dig out the things that needed to be let go of.

Daniel Moore: 28:05

And you guys were talking to Michelle and I about it and we were trying to decide, you know, if we was going to be able to go or whatever. And you know it's easy to you know, just a marriage conference, I don't know, that's really important.

Vicky Albious: 28:15

You know there's easy to you know, just a marriage conference? I don't know.

Daniel Moore: 28:17

That's really important. You know there's other things we could be doing right now or whatever, but when we decided to go and experience that, it's like we did need this, you know it's like way more than we thought we did.

Vicky Albious: 28:28

Yeah Well, it's so funny because people that would hear we go to this marriage conference every year they're like, oh, what's wrong with your marriage?

Michelle Moore: 28:35

You know I'm like, I thought it was it's like no.

Vicky Albious: 28:38

this is a great thing and it helps you build your marriage.

Daniel Moore: 28:41

It's to keep us from killing each other Right.

Scottie Albious: 28:44

I just find it ironic that every time we go to like a marriage conference, the enemy gets you fighting. We were always arguing and and you know it took Vicki to you know many times saying, hey, do you realize what's happening? We're getting ready to go into a marriage conference where the Holy Spirit's going to be there and it's going to work on our marriage and it's going to build onto, you know, our generations and success. You know, in marriage, and that's when it was almost like an instant light bulb, it was like, oh okay, you're right, let's move on, you know. And then I was like, why are we even arguing? You know what I mean.

Daniel Moore: 29:14

Yeah, marriage conferences are really a good thing for your marriages. There's no doubt about that at all. I you know. I feel like it doesn't matter how old you get, how long you're married, you're still going to learn, it's a learning process. And it's amazing how many things we're really doing wrong.

Daniel Moore: 29:29

You know, we just don't we think we're doing it all right, but it could be so much better. You know, if we all knew the applications of how God wanted this marriage thing to work, if we could just put that into play, I think all of us would realize just how awesome, how much more awesome marriage could even be. You know to where we're at. It only gets better from here.

Michelle Moore: 29:48

Well, and I also think the marriage conferences. Not only does it help with our marriages, but it also the ministers that are speaking are there for a reason and whatever topic they have brought, there's somebody out there that needs some healing inside, and sometimes we don't even know that that's the healing that we need because it's a closed off door to God, but he brings in that healing and restoration within that person for that marriage to be better.

Daniel Moore: 30:14

Right right.

Michelle Moore: 30:15

Definitely. So what's some?

Daniel Moore: 30:17

insecurities and some fears that, especially for you, vicki, probably that you had to work with going into this, and then Scotty, with you having won a failed marriage already, what's some issues that you had to deal with as well. Kind of, between the both of you share a little bit about that.

Vicky Albious: 30:39

For me, you know, in those first couple years of kind of just the really tough times, it's kind of that thing of like is this going to change, you know? Is he ever going to realize like we've got to get past this part, you know, and be us, let you know, our marriage, grow and flourish? And is he going to see me for who I truly am, you know, and who God is in me? Because there were just those moments that I was like how, you know, because I, my parents were, you know, just we went to church our whole life, we were raised in it, you know, and my parents, I wouldn't say really ever fought in front of us, like it was kind of always behind a closed door, which I think that's good.

Vicky Albious: 31:22

And then in part, sometimes you need to see kind of the resolve of something you know. But I, you know, went in as like we have to, you know you don't go to bed angry and stuff like that. We have to, you know you don't go to bed angry and stuff like that. So in our first, you know, several years of marriage, if we had something going on between us, they were nice I walked in that room and I flipped the light on, you know, because I'm like so angry inside and then here he is just snoozing away like nothing ever happened.

Scottie Albious: 31:53

I was like, well, we're fighting. What's going on? Yeah?

Vicky Albious: 31:55

And I'd flip it on and be like we're going to work this out, like you know, and he'd roll over Whoa, what are you talking about? I'm like, that makes me even more mad. But anyway, and you know, you, just you have those fears of like, is this ever going to be? Okay, you know, but God, like, just when things begin to change and he began to, you know, see me for who I was and to realize, you know, we need to move forward, yeah, I think, insecurity for me going into a second marriage.

Scottie Albious: 32:33

you're caring so much already. Yes, you're allowing God to heal areas in yourself, but you still carry a bunch of memories, you still carry a bunch of things that happened in the previous time. So for me, my insecurity was am I going to be walking on eggshells when I come in the house and she finds out that I stopped somewhere and grabbed? You know, I spent some money. Are we going to get into a huge fight? Are we going to get into a fight over just little things? So I was always prepared to argue, yeah, but whenever, like, we would get into an argument instead of her fighting me.

Scottie Albious: 33:05

It was crazy because, like, she would just always respond back in like love, softness, tenderness. And I'm like what is happening? How come we're not yelling at each other, you know? And why am I the only one yelling? You know was just like, what is going on? That's not right, you know, that's not the way to fight. And it was weird because I realized, like, okay, wow, I don't have to fear that she's going to yell and storm out or leave, because I realized, like you know, the person she would always go to whenever things got heated was the Lord, and whenever she did, I felt secure in that.

Daniel Moore: 33:38

That's awesome. And you know there's nothing, I think, more powerful than living that life, that way Right. Because why do a lot of times do our fights extend on very lengths of time between each other? Because we both are at each other.

Daniel Moore: 33:54

You know, instead of one person coming in love or in a Christlike manner, we automatically respond to that anger with anger, and so then it just festers and keeps getting bigger and bigger and you know, somebody has to give eventually if it's going to stop. And so I think that that's a huge lesson that even Michelle and I had to. You've got to have God in your marriage From everything that both of us have walked through, and we know a lot of your history, your extensive history. You guys have been in the same boat in a lot of ways. Oh yeah, you're very similar to what Michelle and I have been through in a lot of ways.

Michelle Moore: 34:29

We're just old people.

Daniel Moore: 34:32

But you know, without God in these marriages both of our marriages it would be rough. You know you can't do this stuff on your own and I think that that's a good lesson really for—I'm glad you brought that up, because there's a lot of people out there that they just fight fire with fire you know, and whenever one spouse is having a bad day or having a bad situation or whatever, the other spouse just you know, just kindles that fire. They come in just all hot and heavy and it makes it even worse.

Scottie Albious: 35:02

Well, I've always been a believer. Like in the midst of your fight, in the midst of your feud, I'm not going to take it to a friend and be like, guess what she's doing. I want her to, pastor, say, you know, take it to the throne before you even take it to the phone. Yeah, that's awesome. Or say, you know, take it to the throne before you even take it to the phone. Yeah, that's awesome.

Scottie Albious: 35:16

And so I remember always, even like you know, for Vicki she would just go to the prayer closet or just start praying, and for me that was weird because I was like, are you not going to go?

Scottie Albious: 35:27

you know, tell someone to chew me off or anything like that, but no, she was always going to the Lord and everything, and so to me that was almost, you know, that was always encouragement for me, like I should be doing the same, you know, and that changed our whole. She led by example, you know, to me, and that changed our marriage.

Vicky Albious: 35:46

Yeah, Well, and what was crazy is, you know, and who I would talk to would be my mom, and my mom, just over all these years, she's like you, married someone just like your dad, and so she always just Vicki. I know this is tough but, like I know, this is who God has put in your life and you're going to get through this and it's going to be good. You know, and just always encouraged instead of you know, I think sometimes it's easy in marriage. You have those friends you you know. Well, this happened and that happened, you know, and if that friend is not directing you back towards the Lord and to heal your marriage, you need to find some other friends. That's right, Because they do not, you know, if they're not for your marriage, you better not be talking to them.

Daniel Moore: 36:32

Yeah. Great advice yeah, so you guys, especially you, vicki have grown up in a background, church-wise, similar to what Michelle and I have, and I know you're the same way at this point too, when it comes to the divorce thing. So the fact that a lot of churches, especially the background that I come from, you know divorce is really looked down on and that's a bad you know, almost disassociate yourself with anybody.

Daniel Moore: 37:04

It's just very legalistic, I guess is the best way to put that. So with that being an issue, you know a factor here in all of this did you find where you had certain people sometimes that had opinions about whether you know you marry in Scotty with him already being married before and having a child? Did you find any negativity necessarily from any of that? And if you did, how did you handle that?

Vicky Albious: 37:28

You know, I honestly can't remember that I really did. You know, yeah, I really I can't think of anybody that ever really said anything to me, that I felt that way and maybe I was just surrounded by a great group of people, but you know, for the most part, what I can remember is support and love, and you know.

Daniel Moore: 37:49

And that's what's needed during that time because we all know that. You know, life happens. Michelle and I have both been divorced. Everybody that's listened to our podcast knows our history, but that doesn't make us worthless.

Daniel Moore: 38:04

That doesn't mean that we can't be loved again.

Daniel Moore: 38:07

There are things that happen sometimes in life that's just kind of out of control, you know, and Satan has a lot to do with a lot of that.

Daniel Moore: 38:17

And if you know if we go into things and our focus just isn't quite right and we're not doing things the way that we should, biblically keeping God out of the equation. There's so many things that can, you know, cause something that's supposed to be good to just totally implode and be a disaster. And but you know, I know a lot of people. Sometimes they'll look at relationships and it's all fine and dandy when they think you've been married since the very beginning and, oh, one of you is divorced. And then you get this look in their face and everything's like what's wrong with that?

Daniel Moore: 38:48

They're judging you right on the spot, and so I just I knew that, with you guys being in this scenario, you know if there's anyone listening out there that's you know had that take place, where they're getting judged, or you know they've got people that's just pouring negativity trying to tell them you shouldn't be doing this. You know this is not right and whatever you know, I think you know from my aspect of it, if I ever see somebody doing that, it's like you know I'm praying about this. You know God's going to lead me in all of this.

Daniel Moore: 39:20

You know people have their opinions. Opinions are a dime a dozen.

Michelle Moore: 39:23

Everybody's got one.

Daniel Moore: 39:23

You have to kind of just, you know, sift through all of those and have discernment with those opinions. But in all reality, you know, if God has put somebody together and he's ordained that relationship, then it can't go wrong. I truly believe that. I think that as long as God's in the middle of all of that, then you're on the right path and so you can't let that negativity get to you. Take that to prayer and to God and let God handle that.

Vicky Albious: 39:51

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 39:54

So I was kind of curious about that. So, as we wrap up this week's episode here, is there anything that you guys kind of wish you would have known before you stepped into this relationship, or did you ever run across anything like that that you think, man, I wish I would have thought of that before. That might have caused a little bit of a hiccup in your relationship at one point.

Michelle Moore: 40:14

Or good, solid advice for anybody that's going into a marriage, for someone that's not married and someone that's been remarried.

Vicky Albious: 40:22

I would say, for someone that's you know going into a marriage, especially you know if that person has been married or has a child for you 100% to know that this is God's will, because you're going to have some tough times and you're going to have to know that. Okay, you know this is tough, but God called me to it and he's going to take me through it. But just to be sure of that, and I think that's good.

Scottie Albious: 40:55

I think for me it's whether you've got kids and you're getting ready to go into a new relationship. Take your time. And what I mean by that is give it time for your kids to meet the other person. Say that Vicki and I didn't work out, you know, and Kira loved Vicki from the get-go. Then she would have been hurt, you know. And then if I would have dated someone else, then she would have met another person. Man, just take your time to know the other person, wait on the Lord, pray over that relationship and take your time for the kids to meet the other person. And another thing too you're not alone.

Daniel Moore: 41:30

There's so many resources out there.

Scottie Albious: 41:31

There's so many friends in church. You know this is not—divorces happen. Things happen for many different reasons, many different dynamics. Don't feel ashamed like you can't reach out for help.

Vicky Albious: 41:45

There's help out there, and you're not alone in this. And, Scotty, he safeguarded Kira. I mean, she already knew me from church, but when we started dating he didn't bring me into her life until we had dated for a little while dated for a little while you know, just because it's such a big thing to bring people into your kids' lives for them to get attached and then to be yanked out.

Vicky Albious: 42:07

You know they've already been through enough, you know, with a marriage split and stuff like that. And so just safeguard your kids, because man, their hearts, they just they need that protection, you know.

Michelle Moore: 42:20

So, I was thankful he did that. I want to say one thing. One of the things that I have always admired about both of you guys is the fact that and I may start crying, so I'm sorry if I start crying- no, because I will.

Michelle Moore: 42:33

One of the things that I have admired the most about you guys that, no matter what's being thrown at to you guys, you have been positive, you've given, like, like, great advice and wisdom, even though you didn't know that you gave it, and everything you guys are walking through. But, vicki, your heart for Kira is unknown.

Michelle Moore: 42:55

I mean, we've went through with Brooke, you know and you just are. So your wisdom and your grace that you have toward her, and even the ex, was just an amazing example to me and I thought what if I, what if, what, if, what, if we would have done that what you guys have done? And I just think about your heart, what you guys have done, and I just think about your heart and when you said earlier, you said God, and then the want to.

Michelle Moore: 43:26

I love that because the want to is when you're in a relationship that, like, both of us had kids, one of us didn't. So when one person doesn't, you're taking on everything else. Oh yeah, yeah, and it has to be God, and it has to be that fight for the one too, yeah. And he has blessed you guys.

Scottie Albious: 43:50

Oh yeah, Not just as blessing.

Michelle Moore: 43:52

But he has used you guys. I just admire you guys both like immensely. I mean, I've watched you walk through things with Kara and I'm just like—.

Scottie Albious: 44:04

Yeah, because you walked in with us.

Michelle Moore: 44:05

Oh my gosh, I'm just like she didn't yell, she didn't scream, she didn't throw the phone, she didn't talk to her. I'm like—.

Daniel Moore: 44:12

Call a hitman.

Michelle Moore: 44:13

I mean seriously, hey there Most—.

Scottie Albious: 44:17

Can we edit that part Most?

Michelle Moore: 44:18

Can we edit that part?

Michelle Moore: 44:20

Most wives wouldn't be that way. Exactly, you are a godly example of what a stepmother and I know that you're not a stepmom, you're other mom but thank you for that. Thank you Because, honestly, your heart has been just something that I just I'm like God. I wish I could be like that. When I walk through that, and so I know you're helping many people as you walk, god just comes out of you when it comes to kids. I mean he comes out of you all the time. Don't get me wrong, but it's hard to deal with exes kids from other. I mean Dan, and I have talked about it numerous times.

Michelle Moore: 45:01

And you're just. You're love, Right. Thank you For not only Kira, but for your XY.

Scottie Albious: 45:09

And can I add on to that? You asked the question earlier. You know what were some of the insecurities? I was always secure because of her relationship with the Lord, like you were saying, that she was just very loving and tender and she had all the knowledge. And I'm like, where is all this coming from? But I knew where it came from and that was security for me. It's like, man, she's got that connection with the Lord. You know I need that and that's what encouraged me to go move on with what we have.

Vicky Albious: 45:36

Thank you for that. Oh man, it's been a lot of hours in a prayer closet and I cannot say that I've done it all right, that's for sure. It's been a lot of moments of Jesus saying you better check your heart right now, you know, and you better straighten it up. But thank you.

Daniel Moore: 45:56

Yeah, in Proverbs 31, there's a Proverbs 31 woman. Yes, and I actually in my Bible reading that I do. I actually had read that one here within this last month and I'd forgotten a lot of what that chapter actually says you know, and as I was reading through that, I was like you know, I'm so thankful for myself that even with Michelle, I can see so many of those attributes in her. Yes.

Daniel Moore: 46:23

She's changed me I understand, scotty, what you're saying, because you know I came into our marriage very stubborn in a lot of ways. I had my own opinions about things. I wanted my way or the highway in a lot of things, and it almost drove us to a divorce. You know, it's like I thought I was doing it all right. I mean, I had no idea. You know, and that's a problem that we have a lot of times is when we come into these relationships especially if we've been in a relationship before, we don't realize it but a lot of those bad things that caused the first one to fail, we start rehashing that again as we come into the next one, if we're not careful and end as we come into the next one, if

Daniel Moore: 46:59

we're not careful, yeah, and then the next thing you know, you're right back in a scenario again where you're about to lose everything, and that's why it's so important as we've said many times on this podcast that you got to keep God in the middle of everything that you do. Yes, and so I do. I thank God for those Proverbs 31 women. That keeps us guys on track, oh yeah, keeps us lined out, because it's so easy for us to go on our own little paths sometimes and be troublemakers. So God gives them a lot of grace, that's for sure. Well, I want to thank you guys for sitting here with us for this first episode. This has been awesome and, like I said, we've got a couple more to go here over the next couple of weeks, as you guys are going to be sitting with us here doing a couple of different episodes, so we're going to go ahead and wrap this one up, though, and call it good on this one.

Daniel Moore: 47:50

Don't forget that, if you want all of these episodes.

Daniel Moore: 47:53

make sure that you subscribe to our podcast so you don't miss any of the episodes. Daniel Moore and Michelle's been sitting here with me, my beautiful co-hosts. We've been talking to Scotty and Vicki Albius. They're our guests this week on our podcast and we just want you to know that this show wouldn't be possible without you. If you're a fan of our show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. If you would like to help us out, just take a few seconds, give us a five-star review or a click, and please subscribe to us on your favorite platform. The links for those are in the show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer After this episode. This is an extension of the connecting the gap ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.

Aria: 48:35

You've been listening to connecting the gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app, Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeart Radio, TuneIn Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.