Marriage Life and More

Different Cultures One Faith - How God Helped Us Make It Work - 231

• Daniel and Michelle Moore • Episode 231

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Cultural differences can either fracture relationships or become the foundation for something beautiful. For Scottie and Vicky Albious, navigating the chasm between Marshallese traditions and American expectations became an unexpected journey of growth, compromise, and spiritual transformation.

When Vicky first encountered Scottie's family, she stepped into a world where women served everyone without question. She watched as grown men expected their mothers to fetch drinks, clean up after them, and handle every domestic task while men maintained authority without responsibility. Coming from a completely different background, Vicky established early boundaries: "I will not do that. Marriage is a team, we're going to do this house stuff together, kids stuff together, life together."

Rather than dismissing Scottie's heritage outright, Vicky approached these differences with respect while clearly communicating her expectations. The language barriers complicated matters – Scottie's parents spoke English quickly with accents Vicki struggled to understand, creating misunderstandings that sometimes became family jokes. Through it all, they learned the delicate dance of honoring cultural roots while creating something new.

The true transformation came when Scottie began listening rather than defending. "I had to work on communication and part of communicating is I had to listen. I don't like that because it's humbling," he admits. This openness led to distinct changes that even his family noticed. His brothers observed the difference in how he respected his wife and considered her perspective – something revolutionary within his cultural framework where divorce was taboo but emotional connection between spouses was minimal.

Their story isn't about abandoning cultural identity but about consciously choosing which traditions to maintain. "You can be proud of your heritage, you can be proud of your background, but respect the other person's and start a new culture with your family," Scottie advises couples navigating similar waters. The spiritual dimension of their relationship provides common ground beyond cultural differences, helping them prioritize mutual respect and understanding.

Join us for this powerful conversation about crossing cultural divides, challenging assumptions, and creating a marriage that honors heritage while embracing growth. Their journey might just change how you approach differences in your own relationsh

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Vicky Albious:

It's pretty funny because I am horrible with like language. You know, like his mom, they could speak English, but it was like they say everything so fast. I could not and I would sit there and look at Scotty like um do you need an interpreter here?

Vicky Albious:

And I can remember he did because there was one time she was talking to you about something and I caught into some words she was saying and I was like okay, so I like started this conversation with her and we keep going. And then I'm trying to answer and Scotty goes, she's not even talking about that anymore. And I'm like oh, why didn't you tell me?

Scottie Albious:

Or there were times where I had fun with it and she would ask a simple question like Vicky, hi, how you doing? I'm like, hey, mom wants to know where you got that dress. And like Vicky would answer like just random stuff, and mom would like give a question. You know, like, look at her, like what, what is she saying? I'm like sorry, mom, she just doesn't understand you.

Daniel Moore:

This week on Marriage Life and More. We welcome back Scottie and Vicky Albious. They sat down with us last week and they're going to be here for another episode this week and we pray you'll stick around for that. It's going to be a great episode. We'll be back with that right after this. Welcome. Welcome to Marriage Life and More.

Daniel Moore:

This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and every once in a while we interview couples that have inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, my wife Michelle co-hosting over here, and, of course, we have Scottie and Vicky Albious back with us this week, so we'll get to them here shortly. If you're familiar with our show, check out our website at www. marriagelifeandmore. com For our platforms. Our YouTube and Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. If you have Alexa and Google smart devices, you can catch us there as well. We're also on social Facebook and Instagram @ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and we'd be grateful to you for doing that. That's what helps our podcast to grow Well.

Daniel Moore:

Last week, as I just said here, we sat down with Vicky and Scottie and talked to them a little bit about their marriage. Vicky came into this marriage never being married before, where Scottie had previously been married, so if you've missed that episode, make sure you go back and check that out. They give a little bit of their history there as well. She can kind of get to know Scottie and Vicky and who they are. This week, though, we're going to change gears a little bit and we're going to talk about cultural influence in marriage, and we hope that you'll enjoy this episode. So, as we come into this episode this week, we want to talk a little bit about culture, and, for those of you that are listening, this is a podcast, so you can't see anything. Vicky and Scottie are a little bit different.

Vicky Albious:

It's probably a good way to put that.

Daniel Moore:

Just a little bit, and so we're going to explain that this week in this episode. Those that know Scottie and Vicky know exactly what I'm talking about. But we know that sometimes in marriage scenarios, God brings a lot of different kinds of people together.

Daniel Moore:

And I think that's what's so awesome about marriage is, you know, marriage really has no boundaries when it comes to that kind of thing. God can just take a couple from two completely different cultures or from different walks in life, whatever it may be, and he can make something beautiful out of it. You know, you guys have a phenomenal testimony really marriage-wise, because you have a lot of dynamics going on in your relationship here and I think there are some people out there probably that struggle with some of these dynamics and they have some issues with that. So you guys have agreed to talk this week a little bit about that scenario. So, scotty, let's go ahead as we get started with this episode here, just give us a little bit of background about you, your culture that you come from, and just kind of give us a little insight into what that's like.

Scottie Albious:

Okay, so first of all, my parents. They came from the Marshall Islands and that's out west between Hawaii and Australia. That's part of the Micronesian chain of islands. So it was funny because you know, I grew up mom and dad telling me all these stories on the islands and you know dad's version of I walked to school barefoot in the sand and you know every day and you know. So it was kind of cool knowing our culture. There's a big influence in the Springdale area in Arkansas. There's also a growing influence of just islanders, the Marshallese, micronesian cultures here in Neosho and Springfield and Kansas City. So I got to, you know I was born in Muskogee, oklahoma, you know out of all places, raised here in Neosho since first grade, so I got to see different sides of our culture and the American culture and just being blended in it.

Scottie Albious:

There were so many questions, like you know, I see this at mom and you know at home, but then I see this here at my friend's houses, so I mean there was a lot of dynamics in that when it comes to marriage. So you know, starting off with marriage, I thought I knew what marriage was because, like you mentioned earlier, you know our parents are, you know the only influence that we have on marriage. So, seeing my parents married and you know they're married until my dad passed away a few years ago, they, you know they were always married. They were always together. I thought I knew all the answers when it came to marriage and when it came to how marriage should be. Well, I found out. I didn't know all the answers and I found out the hard way and but yeah, that's that.

Daniel Moore:

You know that's how I grew up and you know the way, but yeah, that's how I grew up and the Marshallese culture is very different when it comes to marriage. Yeah, and I know we've learned from our son-in-law.

Michelle Moore:

He's from Guatemala he married our daughter.

Daniel Moore:

And it was interesting when we've talked to him a few times, because he's told us how everybody thinks he's Hispanic. Every time somebody sees him you're Hispanic and it's like no, there's a difference between Hispanic and Guatemalan. It's not the same thing.

Scottie Albious:

We're like what yeah?

Daniel Moore:

It's those things you learn, you know as you go along, and I'm sure you probably get that as well.

Scottie Albious:

All you have the Hispanics come up to me and speak Spanish. I'm like, ah, no, sorry. I'm from the Hawai'iano, I'm from the East Lost, sorry, you know you want some pineapple. Wrong land, brother, you know wrong language.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah. So that's an interesting little tidbit there that Michelle and I have learned from our son-in-law and daughter how your culture handles marriage. What is the typical way that husbands treat wives, wives treat their husbands? Kind of give us a little bit of insight into that culture.

Scottie Albious:

So in our culture, one you know divorce is taboo, you know you don't divorce, you're stuck with them forever. And to be honest, with you in our culture it's almost like you're set up, you're married, you find somebody and then it goes from there. You're just doing life together, you're friends. I've never really seen much emotion between mom and dad no hand-holding, no kissing, no hugging. So I thought that's how marriage is. We're married, I can do whatever I want. You just stay over there, take care of the kids. And that's not how it is. And I come to find out even as an adult being saved later in my 20s, biblically that's not how marriage is and it was tough to learn. And I say that and I'm still learning marriage and culture. But at the same time it's one of those things where I was like you know, I want our culture to realize that we're not going to.

Scottie Albious:

There's much more to the just say, hey, I'm married, you know we have kids together, you know there's a life of intimacy and you're living life with your spouse and you're sharing things and you're supposed to be connected and holding hands and you know, and showing affection for the kids. Because here's the thing your kids see how you walk through marriage. And I want my boys and I want my daughter to know hey, I want a godly person as my spouse. I want someone, boys, and I want my daughter to know hey, I want a godly person as my spouse. I want someone to lead my house. I want somebody to lead me, encourage me in the Lord. But in our culture it's like I said one, you don't get divorced. Two, you're just friends just hanging out, you're almost roommates and you're just. It's accepted that you're married and that's it You're. You're getting old together.

Daniel Moore:

Does it seem like, as far as is there like any different level of abuse or any of that kind of thing?

Scottie Albious:

really, I think from the island culture, it's a very prideful culture. So if there's abuse-wise, there's more of like an emotional abuse. You know you're constantly yelling and you're constantly, you know, just, would you say, like forceful how you've seen mom and dad, and like the reason I'm asking my wife is because I want more of an outside perspective, because I was so in it that I don't see, you know, I'll see it now, but she's seen much more like she. There's a lot of things that she pointed out like, wow, they don't do this or they don't do that, and I'm like, and what's wrong with that? You do this or they don't do that, and I'm like, and what's wrong with that? You know what? Yeah, so, and I'm like okay, then teach me what's, what's going on, what's wrong, you know, cause I really want to know.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, so, vicki, what did you see?

Vicky Albious:

You know it was crazy the first time, one of the first times I went over to his parents' house well, probably the first few times, and I would, you know, we'd go over there for dinner and of course his mom. You know, one of the first times I went over there was like these tubs of meat, cooked meat, and I'm like gosh, how many people's coming over here. No, like it was for just the family and I mean, like they can kill some chicken, that's for sure. Like they just tons of meat, all you know can kill some chicken, that's for sure. Like they just tons of meat, all you know. But she just it didn't matter, you know what time it was, whatever she's cooking and she's doing for everybody.

Vicky Albious:

You know, um, his dad was always kind of quiet, but you knew like he was in charge. You know, um, but when, when we first started dating and I went over there, I remember sitting around the table, it was me and him and Kira, and then, I think, garcia, you know some of the families there and I remember Scotty saying, mom, I want a drink and I'm sitting here like get up your dang self and go get your own drink. Like what are you doing? And I began to watch Kira. You know she was doing the same thing Grandma, get me this, do that, do this, do that.

Vicky Albious:

You know, and I was just. I sat back and I observed this I'm just like, no, like I'm, my kids are not going to be raised where mom is the walk-on, mom does whatever the heck the kids. And you know, like I didn't, you know, down the road, at that point I was like gosh, if we have kids down the road, like I don't want my kids thinking that this was the way it was supposed to be, you know, but I mean, that's their culture, that's how they were. But for me I just you know. So I started talking to Scotty about it and I'm like I, I'm not going to be this person.

Scottie Albious:

You know, like you can get your own drink and your kids can learn to do stuff for themselves, you know, and yeah, and now keep in mind, I'm in my 30s and and we're going over there for dinner and I finish and I just get up and walk off Vicki's like your plate and I was like, yeah, it's in there for mom to get why she's like.

Michelle Moore:

you can get it yourself.

Scottie Albious:

And I was like, yeah, it's sitting there for mom to get why. She's like you can get it yourself. And I'm like who are you trying to ruin my culture? What?

Scottie Albious:

is going on here, you know but it was one of those things like a light bulb, you know, because that was such a normal thing. Yeah, I sat there. I was like why can't I get my plate? That is weird, you know what I mean. Yeah, myself, why can't I make my own dish? You know, it might be two in the morning. And mom, would you know? That's how we're raised. If mom I'd come in from you know, hanging out with friends, it'd be like midnight, two in the morning. I'd be like mom, I want to, I want something to eat. No-transcript, if you know, she'd wait on us hand and foot. I didn't know how to do my laundry until I was in college. I remember sitting there going, whoa, I've got a lot of dirty clothes. What do I do now? And my roommate had to show me.

Vicky Albious:

To me it was just disrespectful in the fact of just a human being.

Scottie Albious:

You know what I mean Of like for that person to have to be doing everything when you are fully capable of doing it yourself, you know, but again, that was culture and what's crazy for her is like when she brought in the fact like you know, if we have kids, and that's when it really clicked in me I was like, wow, you know that's normal for me to have mom clean up after myself, but I can't imagine my wife or going to be my wife going to be waiting, you know, after us, you know hand and foot and you know constantly. It's just really different. You know, I always see mom as mom's going to do that, mom's going to take care of it. But I always saw like, ok, well, I'll help my wife if I need it. But I didn't see the vision that was there.

Vicky Albious:

Like I do a ton for my kids and for Scotty, but like I think there's sharing a load. You know it's so important. Yeah, it's a team, it's a team effort, right yeah.

Daniel Moore:

So when you came, you know from looking at the culture that you're from do you see women just put up with that all the time? Did you ever see any rebel from trying to get away from that type of leadership from the men, or is it just ingrained in them? It was just ingrained in them?

Scottie Albious:

And if anyone had a problem with it and they left, then there's something wrong with that woman. There's something wrong with her. For her to leave the family unit like that. What a shame on her. How dare she leave the kids and the husband? And you know, this was her job. She's supposed to do it. And you know, what's crazy is like nobody really taught me that or taught us that. It was just learned and observed as we got older. Even with relatives and things like that, mom and dad would be like, oh no, she's got problems. Like wow, that's weird. I didn't really I never thought of it, you know.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, just been going on for generations really. Literally. Do they carry jobs, the women, or do they mainly, primarily, stay at home, mainly?

Scottie Albious:

stay at home and if they do jobs, it'll be at nights, whenever dad comes home, and then they can do their night job. They come back, you know, take care of the kids in the morning, dad's going off to work. Yeah, that's how. That's basically how we were raised. Or, you know, if they had parents that live with them, you know the grandparents would take care of the kids while mom and dad would go work, but then grandparents are in the house, grandma's taking care of everything.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah.

Vicky Albious:

Did you see a lot of that Like where the grandparents living.

Scottie Albious:

I did with other family members but not ours, because both sets of my grandparents had passed away, so I didn't really see it. So I saw mom carrying the load, but I did see with my cousins and other relatives that the grandparents would grandma especially would take care of Moms, would help too, but it was always the women getting things ready and getting things done. The men would just sit back. They knew that. You know they were in charge. That's just how I saw it and yeah, I'd punch you.

Daniel Moore:

I literally would punch you.

Scottie Albious:

Vicki did many times Don't let her be sweet and everything. She hit me many times.

Daniel Moore:

Well, everybody already knows my wife's violent I know, yeah, I feel for you, that was a cry for help, I get it. So, Vicki, whenever you first met his family, was you guys married already, or did you meet him before?

Vicky Albious:

No, I met him before and it's pretty funny because I am horrible with like language. You know, like his mom they could speak English, but it was like they say everything so fast. I could not and I would sit there and look at Scotty like do you need an interpreter here, and I can remember he did.

Vicky Albious:

Because there was one time she was talking to me about something and I caught into some words she was saying and I was like okay, so I so I like started this conversation with her and we keep going. And then I'm trying to answer and Scotty goes, she's not even talking about that anymore, and I'm like oh, why didn't you tell me?

Scottie Albious:

or there were times where I had fun with and she would ask a simple question like Vicki hi, how you doing? I'm like, hey, mom wants to know where you got that dress. And Vicki would answer just random stuff and mom would give a question. Look at her like what, what is she saying? I'm like sorry, mom, she just doesn't understand you.

Vicky Albious:

Well, it's funny because one time his mom cooked at the church here in Neosho for some of the Islander families. I think the missionaries that got lost or something like that, and she's cooking. I'm standing there beside her and one of the other ladies his mom, was saying something, and she looks at me and I look at I think it was Dee, actually, and I was like and she goes, she's asking you for love and I'm like, oh my gosh, Like everyone could understand her except me.

Scottie Albious:

And it was probably five years into our marriage that I could finally like understand what the heck they were saying yeah, that would be quite a barrier to leap over, I'm sure, and it was, I think, for me at that point it was like I was like man, what's wrong with you? How come you can't understand mom?

Vicky Albious:

You know, because I can understand her, just perfect.

Vicky Albious:

Well, it's funny because I remember him telling me he would like get on phone calls with you know people, and he would be mad at them because they couldn't understand his parents and he would like you know, chew them out and stuff and be like, what are you stupid, da-da-da-da you know? Back before Jesus, I think, and I was like, are you kidding me? Because, like I, you know, it's not these people's fault. Like you can't, we can't understand them, you know, just because they would talk so fast that would even bring a you know point.

Scottie Albious:

So I would get so angry and like just be mean and rude to people that didn't really understand my parents, like whenever they're trying to pay bills or you know, we go into a bank or something, they would to me. From my perspective, I always thought they were trying to make them feel stupid. Yeah, so in their defense, I would get so mad and I would, with my English, like I would make them feel, try to make them feel stupid. And I didn't realize until Vicki was like that's not it at all. They just they're trying to come to an understanding of you know what your parents are saying. And I was just like, oh wow, I need to be a meme.

Daniel Moore:

What was the adjustment like? Did you ever when you saw how the women were treated? Like? Did you ever when you saw how the women were treated, yeah, did that ever? You know, bother you to the point where you think, okay, you might be seeing my point of view here a little bit, but what about later on down the road, 10 years from now? Is this going to be an issue? Did you ever have those worries, necessarily, or?

Vicky Albious:

no, because I told him from the get-go I will not do that Like this is not who I am.

Michelle Moore:

No, I didn't.

Vicky Albious:

Oh, you're violent too. No, I was literally like this is, I won't do that. Like marriage is a team, we're going to do this house stuff together, kids stuff together, life together. Like I will not be walked on, you know. And of course I think you know, like I had said in the last one, like there was a point that I had almost got married when I was in my late teens, early 20s, and you know, it's crazy how God will walk us through other relationships to prepare us, you know, for like anything we walk through, tough whatever, he's always going to turn it and use it for our good.

Vicky Albious:

And back, you know, in my later teens or the 20s, I was kind of that I'll do anything, you know, like I'll do this for you. I'll do this because I kind of grew up like my grandparents were very my Mimi did a lot of the cleaning and the cooking and the serving my granddad, you know, like that was just so. I saw that and so you know I I was kind of in that, you know, of like oh, this is how a wife is, you know, and there's definitely a balance to that. And when I walked through that relationship almost got married, and then you know, thank God that door closed. He had other plans but it really I realized it prepared me for my marriage with Scotty to stand up for myself and say, no, this is what I will or will not be okay with, you know. And so God's just cool that way.

Daniel Moore:

Well, it's kind of interesting because you know, there's a lot of what I would call white couples, I guess best way to describe that. The guy will just sit there and expect the woman to do everything you know, and it's not a cultural thing, I think it's laziness myself.

Daniel Moore:

They just want to have that control and all that kind of thing. You know, and I, you know, a lot of times I feel like when we come into the marriage scenario, I think that and I don't know if it's because that's the way it was in their family all along and they've just picked up on these bad habits or what the exact situation is but it seems like, you know, a lot of times they'll be really helpful at the beginning because they're trying to win the spouse and get them married and whatever, but then all of a sudden, like something eventually flips, you know, and it's like they expect the wife to do it all and they forget their team.

Daniel Moore:

You know they forget that that's not God didn't create me. He, you know. He created the guy as the head of the home obviously, but there is a lot of do's and don'ts that comes with that title. You can't.

Daniel Moore:

that doesn't mean that we just rule the roost and our wife bows at every whim that we have, and that's something that Michelle and I, I think, over you know, the period of our marriage as well I always try to do the best I can to help her and do my fair share. We both work, so I feel like that's just part of my responsibility as well, and I sometimes don't get it why guys feel like that they just need to be the king of the mountain. They're so mean actually. I mean it's actually, it's really a mean way that they treat their spouses, and I really hate seeing that you know, when I see it.

Daniel Moore:

So, as you guys were working into your relationship and starting to you know, this relationship starting to grow and everything, it's probably uncommon, scotty, for the guys from your culture probably to let go of that control. I would imagine to an extent to let go of that control, I would imagine to an extent. What do you think made it different for you to actually have your eyes opened a little bit, to actually listen to Vicki and see some of the concerns that she had, and for you to look at that and say you know, I do have an issue there that I need to correct. What do you think was some of the things that helped you to change the way that you did, instead of just being a bull in a china closet and saying, no, this is the way it's going to be because I grew up this way.

Scottie Albious:

No, you know, speaking from you know a lot of the men in our culture. It is hard to give that up. There's actually, you know, we've spoke, and your mom and your dad, they ministered at this, they're really close with this island pastor that he would take the men. He would have all the families come to the church and he would say, okay, now all the women get together and you guys have a night out to hang out. All you men take your kids home and you watch the kids. Oh, wow.

Vicky Albious:

They were going to have a prayer meeting at the church for the women and kind of a thing there and you know the men were to stay at home with the kids.

Scottie Albious:

And he said within what an hour, within minutes, the dads would be calling me like hey, can we have our wives back?

Vicky Albious:

Well, they'd be coming to the church and the pastor was like uh-uh, get in your cars and go home, Take care of your kids. Yeah, like he's trying to teach them.

Scottie Albious:

Like no, and that's such a cultural thing for us is to the ocean, missouri. I got to see how relationships, american relationships work. So I got to see both sides. But yeah, there were questions there. But like I look back on you know, even that that testimony of the parents like oh, we need the wives to my thing is I want to be a dad where I can take care of my kids. I don't want to be well, mom's not here. I don't know what we're going to do. Mom should be doing this, mom should be doing that. No, like she was saying, it's a team effort. For me it was, like I said, I had to work on communication and part of communicating is I had to listen. I don't like that because it's humbling and I had to listen and I had to take in and absorb. And when, like I said, my wife came to me and man, there's so many Holy Spirit moments where she would say stuff that I was just like, wow, that was definitely needed. You know, I needed to hear that.

Vicky Albious:

And I would feel like I was just hitting a brick wall. You know, I would say these things and he would just not respond or he would, you know, whatever. And then it'd be like a day or so later he'd come and be like okay, so let's talk about this, because in the past.

Scottie Albious:

You know, even with other relationships I was, I was being told this or this or that and I would not listen. You know she, you know I. I would say I'm, I'm hardheaded and I would not listen. I would not listen, I would do what I want to do. But, like I said, when my wife came to me and when we were dating and she came to me in love instead of being forceful, that was different for me. That softened my heart and I was like, okay, she's got, she knows some things. Maybe I should listen a little more. And as I got to do that that healed us and I know because you know we've learned in the marriage conference women's number one need is security.

Scottie Albious:

Well how's she going to be secure with a hardheaded guy that will not listen to a word she says?

Daniel Moore:

Yeah.

Scottie Albious:

So I was like, OK, she needs that security, babe. I feel like fill in the blank, you know she needs to hear it to feel secure.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, do you feel like sometimes, that you're like did your family notice that you were changing, that you were different?

Scottie Albious:

Oh yeah, I think my brothers one. They saw a huge difference in our relationship. They're just like, wow, he's. You know, he's definitely changed. And I think, mainly because of how I respect my wife, how I will, I'll consider things because usually in the past like nope, I'm going to do it, we're going to do this way, I don't care what anyone says, you know. And now it's like totally different. Yes, ma'am, that really works. You know and you know. Yes, babe, you know I'll do. You know, this is how I feel, and things like that. So I know my brothers have seen it, I know my parents have seen it in the past and I think there's a lot of things that they even questioned, like why is he doing that? Why is he listening?

Scottie Albious:

And I think, that was one of the things. So, as I was dating other people and things like that, my parents didn't like any of them. There was only one person they liked and it was her, and I think, because they saw her do a change in me for good, they're like this is a good one. But, like I said, we're such a prideful culture we would never come out and say and communicate hey, she's a good one, you need to hold on to her. They would just treat her with respect and, you know, be nice to her. And I was like okay, they really like her. Wow, that's different to me.

Daniel Moore:

Do you feel like you were influential at all on your brothers and the way that you changed, or your sister? Yeah, did you see any changes in any of them as far as?

Scottie Albious:

I would like to think so. I, as far as I would like to think so, I mean, yeah, I think I do. I want them not to see, you know, I want them to see a change in me, but it was because of the Lord.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah.

Scottie Albious:

And I want them to want that same change. You know I haven't heard anything yet, I know, I know. I think my sister said oh, ar, he can rely on God to change him. I want that same thing. I want the Lord in my heart to be able to change my heart and soften that.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, that's awesome, and your sister is awesome.

Michelle Moore:

We know her.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, she's a sweetheart, and so is there areas that you guys have actually just had to compromise that you can think of to make the marriage continue to flourish and stay in a positive aspect of things? Is there anything you can think of that you've had to compromise on? Or do you think God's just worked it all out and he's just made it all happen?

Scottie Albious:

I do whatever she says.

Vicky Albious:

Whatever happen, I do whatever she says no. I think over the years you know it's just learning as a couple what works and what doesn't, I'll use one.

Scottie Albious:

So compromise like I don't like doing laundry, but I, if I see it, you know, pile up, I'll do it because it's going to give her a break. And so, with that being said, compromise there's a lot of learning. Like she told me, there's a lot of things that I can't throw into the dryer. Like I'll wash a shirt and a rug together, not even thinking you know, oh gosh, well, she, you know, she told me you can't dry this or you can't do that. Yeah, so it's learning. And you know, do I do it? No, I'm learning myself. I'm like, okay, this is how we do it.

Vicky Albious:

Said I would go in the room and flip on the light and like we're going to talk this through. We're going to work this out and you know, just over the years I kind of got to this place of like I had to. It caused so much frustration and irritation to me and like we would eventually work through it. It is sometimes take two hours that night, you know, and it was just so much more frustration, I would say, on me, whereas he was like, okay, we're done or can we go to sleep now?

Vicky Albious:

you know, and I was just like but I learned over the years like I just need to let him like think about it, you know, and I would tell him this made me feel this way, this way, this way, and be like okay and way, and be like okay and just wouldn't. There were times, you know, he didn't respond how I was hoping, you know, to kind of mend it in that moment. But I would go to bed and usually the next morning before he would leave for work, he would hey, you know, sorry about that. I was thinking about that and you're right, you know this or that, you know, and it's just learning each other and how to make it work.

Scottie Albious:

I think what she does is like we'll have a talk and she'll say she'll get in a quiet place and she'll be like Lord, get him. That's me every time.

Vicky Albious:

All this spirit, well, but I think a lot changed too, though, honestly, when he was filled with the spirit Speaking in tongues because in the first couple of years of our marriage he was seeking that and it was like when he was filled.

Vicky Albious:

I remember that night. I remember standing on that platform, you know, singing Fill my Cup, lord, and they were just having this prayer line. I remember that. Yes, I remember it, and I remember him coming up in front of Sister Jeannie. She prayed for him, he went on, and then she came around and she got him again, and then she, at one point and I'm just standing up there worshiping, you know, and she looks back at me and basically like, looked like he got it, you know, and I just was sobbing, but it changed a lot in our marriage.

Scottie Albious:

I remember trying to process the whole thing. I'm like what just happened? And I remember talking to her that evening and she was like so how was I? I was like, eh, it was okay. And I'm like but no, it was, it was awesome.

Vicky Albious:

It changed a lot in our marriage because it just brought us into deeper unity and God and leading our family forward.

Scottie Albious:

You know, and I'm glad you said that because, like men, please allow the Holy Spirit to lead your heart in your marriage. Because I once heard a pastor say a good friend of mine. He said there is a difference with a relationship with Jesus and an intimacy with the Holy Spirit. And that's totally true, totally true. And when you're hearing the Holy Spirit you can't ignore it. That's why I said she's like go get them, god, you know, because now I'm here I'm like, ok, yeah, you're right, lord, and you know.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and that's a good discipleship piece because a lot of times, you know, a lot of churches don't really teach about the Holy Spirit necessarily, right, right and really to them all it is is have you accepted Christ into your heart? They come up, they say their prayer with you and you're done. In all reality, in this walk with God, there's something way deeper than that and I truly believe, like you guys have said, when the Holy Spirit comes in and you actually allow Him to come in and change you, that's where you become that clay in that potter's hand. God can just make things out of you. That's just unbelievable. Wouldn't you recognize yourself in?

Michelle Moore:

a lot of cases.

Daniel Moore:

I know people that have just led brutal lives and the Holy Spirit got a hold of them. They tell you their testimony from 20 years ago and you're like you're the same person. It's just like God just does that. That's how the Holy Spirit works.

Daniel Moore:

And I think that's a good way really to end this episode, because feel like you know a lot of things that we go through within not only life, but with our marriages and the relationships that we have. I think that that's again it puts the icing on the cake as to why it's so important to have God in the center of everything and the Holy Spirit inviting inside of us, because we can't do this on our own Right.

Daniel Moore:

I think anybody that's been married for any significant amount of time knows you have to work at marriage.

Michelle Moore:

You can't just be a bystander, you know observer, looking into the equation.

Daniel Moore:

You got to be in their hands on Right, and it's always important to let God be a big part of that. You can't just do that by yourself.

Vicky Albious:

Right, and it's not 50-50. It's 100-100.

Daniel Moore:

Absolutely.

Vicky Albious:

Yeah, putting it all in.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, the marriage is such a huge. It's a support system.

Daniel Moore:

You support each other and where there's lacking, the other one needs to jump. And I have kind of learned over time, is you know, I constantly watch what her needs are, what she's doing. If there's something that she's really struggling to get something done, or whatever, well, I've got a few moments, I go help her, right, you know. And if it's vice versa, if I'm having an issue like that, she's right there waiting to jump in there hands on, and that's you know, that's so important hands on and that's, you know, that's so important and I think that's that you know.

Scottie Albious:

over the years, you know, Michelle, you've been really good at being sensitive to the Holy Spirit in a lot of things in our marriage. How we even started off our college, you know our whole college, our whole college, the ministry back. You know it was crazy because even when I had that dream, the person that came up to me and said, hey, scotty, I think we're supposed to go door to door again college students and bring them to church, and it was you. You know what I mean. It was cool because, like I got to, you know, michelle and Vicki are really good at making us be emotional and I got to see them use those as strengths and not weakness, and it's mainly it's a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and man. I've always admired it. I was like, wow, that's really cool. So, and I think that even helped us in our marriage to hey, be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, listen to the Holy Spirit, acknowledge the Holy Spirit's right there with you.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, I've come to realize I can't do nothing in secret because the Holy.

Vicky Albious:

Spirit reveals it to me.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, he already knows. We've got to think that she knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, she's like busting a laughing right now. Yeah, downstairs in our bedroom right now.

Scottie Albious:

Okay, that's where we cut it off.

Daniel Moore:

It's getting deep. We've got this little thing that came in the mail here a while back and I saw this envelope and I'm like what is this? And so I didn't recognize the address or nothing. It's like one of the little white you know packing things or whatever. And so I laid it down. It had her name on it, and later that day she comes in, she goes. Oh, I didn't realize.

Michelle Moore:

I ordered that. I had it in the cart and I didn't realize I hit order.

Daniel Moore:

And I hit order and I'm like well, what is it? You know it was a joke. So she opens it up and it's a wooden carved out thing and it says I saw that and it's got a carving of Jesus laying on his side and they hook together. Oh my, you can set them up like right now. It's up above our door on the bathroom downstairs, looking into our bedroom. You look up and it says I saw that I'm like oh where in the world?

Michelle Moore:

did you find that?

Daniel Moore:

like I made the funniest thing. I did the funniest thing ever. I'm like I'm proud of myself, because half the time I don't get anything, and so so I was just like I love that. One of our episodes that we did we was talking about. You know, a lot of times when you know especially if we're cheating on our spouses or whatever a lot of times our main, our mind frame that we're in at that time is it's just us, nobody's going to know. You know this is a secret. We're keeping it secret between us and we're not going to let anybody find out that in all reality, god's there in the room with you. He's seeing this whole thing take place and it's creepy, when you think about it, that way, but it's true Even when we're intimate he's a part of it.

Daniel Moore:

So she saw that and thought, oh, that's an awesome joke, I'm going to buy that. I had to give her credit on that one. That was pretty awesome. So now it has a permanent home in our bedroom.

Vicky Albious:

It does yeah. So they're staring at us every night.

Daniel Moore:

Love it.

Michelle Moore:

That's so nice.

Daniel Moore:

Nice. So well, as we close this week's episode. That was too, tmi, is there anything that you guys can say for encouragement to couples that are in your situation right now, but maybe they're not in the point where you guys are at? There's still a little bit of fight going on there and maybe you know one's feeling a little bit lesser than the other. You know the the.

Vicky Albious:

Or the culture difference. Yeah, just that kind of thing. What's something?

Daniel Moore:

you can speak into somebody.

Vicky Albious:

You know, I'd say because when we first started dating and I saw that cultural difference, even though there were things that were weird or this or that to me, I still had a respect for, like, that's how they were raised. You know like I'm not going to sit here and be like that's dumb. Like you know this is not right or whatever. And there were even times that Scotty would kind of say stuff and I'm like but that's how your mom was raised.

Vicky Albious:

You know, like you can't just call them stupid for that, because that's how they were raised, you know. So just to have a grace in knowing you know there's reasons why they do the things they do. You know you don't have to believe the same or, you know, do the same. But just kind of a respect, that's good.

Scottie Albious:

She's always done really good things because I'm the other person, I'm the one that's like that's dumb. Why would they do? You know things like that?

Scottie Albious:

But she's always had this grace, that's really spoke to me that I'm like, wow, that's how she sees you know this culture. So how am I seeing that culture? I need to lighten up a little. But I would say, like you know, if you feel like you're in a cultural, you know barrier, reach out. Ask the Lord to give you somebody to network you with the right people that's dealing with it, because I know it's not just island culture.

Scottie Albious:

You've got Hispanics, you've got other types of you know races that when they get with you know, when they get with Americans and they get with you know you're bringing in your family and you know they said they're bringing in their family and you're bringing in families together and that's a whole new culture. You know that's different. But you've got to realize too, what Vicki and I say you can be proud of your heritage, you can be proud of your background, but respect the other persons and start a new culture with your family. My kids I want them to get ingrained in my culture. At the same time, know that, hey, you're an American Islander. You're American too. You're an Islander too. This is where dad's family came from.

Vicky Albious:

But here's where mom's family comes from. And then respect, you know each other's sides. It's funny kind of. They have some superstitions and stuff and Scotty being Scotty, he would do exactly the opposite with his parents. You know like just crazy To prove a point Like you couldn't clip your fingernails at night.

Scottie Albious:

You can't clip your fingernails at night, you can't whistle at night, you can't a lot of things, you can't sweep the floor because what it does, it stirs up the spirits, the evil spirits, to come and visit you, and things like that.

Scottie Albious:

And so I would intentionally be like well I can't be doing this while I'm clipping my nails and mom would be like, oh my goodness, what are you doing? And I'll be sweeping the floors the only night. I'm like, hey, what? I can't be doing. This umbrella, oops. You know things like that and it was. It was just to prove a point. Like you know, that's not true. We're not going to be visited, we're not going to. You know, it's just. Yeah, and allow the lord to lead whatever culture you're in, allow god to lead your family well, you know what's cool is like.

Vicky Albious:

Over the last several years, of course, his dad passed away, I think two think two years ago, three years ago.

Scottie Albious:

Yeah, going on three.

Vicky Albious:

And I think he came to know the Lord, you know before. Like we talked to him some about it and I think he did in his way, you know. And then his mom, she goes every service with us you know, at church and she loves being in the presence of the Lord and being there, you know.

Daniel Moore:

And so it's really cool, that's awesome. Life changers, that's what it's all about. And the loss, your family especially. That's super important to know that your family, you know, is headed the right direction, right, I mean, that means volumes, and so I just want to thank you guys for your testimony and for what you guys have put out there for others to see. It's amazing to me, you know sometimes just how much people do watch us.

Daniel Moore:

You know, you just don't know it sometimes. And so, as Christians, that's why we've got to be so careful with how we carry ourselves and live and walk that walk that we proclaim. We've got to make sure that we do do that to the best of our abilities.

Scottie Albious:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

Of course, none of us are perfect and we make mistakes sometimes but, that God has grace.

Michelle Moore:

Right, and I'm so thankful for that.

Daniel Moore:

So thank you guys for doing this episode with us and sitting here for another. We've got one more to go and this has been awesome, so it's going by too quick yeah definitely We'll get to the next one next week. For the time now, though, that's going to end this week's episode. Just want to remind you guys to make sure you subscribe so you don't miss any of the episodes, as they're released every week, and I'm Daniel Moore. Michelle Moore, my co-host, has been sitting over here with us as well.

Michelle Moore:

Again.

Daniel Moore:

Thank you, Scottie and Vicky for being here this this week, and if you guys are a fan of our show, please leave a review on Apple Podcast. Or, if you'd like to help us out, just give us a few seconds and give us a five star. Click and subscribe to this podcast on your favorite platforms. The links are in the show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.

Aria:

This is an extension of the Connecting the Gap Ministries, our biblical walk with God. Each week we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.

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Daniel and Michelle Moore

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