Roles with a Purpose (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 1 - 327

Marriage can look fine on the outside, yet feel as if it were assembled without instructions. We talk about the missing piece most couples never get taught: marriage has a God-given design, and when we treat it as purposeful instead of accidental, the whole relationship starts to make sense. We dig into Genesis 2:24 and the idea that you’re not just building a life together, you’re stewarding something sacred that’s meant to thrive, not merely survive. 

We also challenge the pressure to make marriage “equal” every day and replace it with something better: shared surrender. Scorekeeping turns spouses into competitors, but surrender turns you into teammates with the same mission. From there, we walk through biblical roles with clarity and care, using Ephesians 5 to explain why a husband’s headship is responsibility, not a power trip, and why leadership must look like Christ’s sacrifice and service. We talk about respect as something a man earns through love, prayer, and humility. 

Then we address the word that makes many people tense: submission. We explain why biblical submission is not silence, weakness, or losing your voice. It’s choosing unity over control while still having real conversations and making decisions together. We’re also explicit that Scripture never calls anyone to tolerate abuse, manipulation, or control. Finally, we pull the curtain back on spiritual warfare in marriage, how small conflicts can spiral, and why you’re not fighting your spouse, you’re fighting for your marriage. 

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Transcript

Marriage Without The Instructions

Daniel Moore 0:08

If you've ever tried putting something together without the instructions, you already know how that goes. You start confident, hit confusion somewhere in the middle, and by the end, you're wondering why you have extra pieces in a structure that technically stands, but definitely wasn't the vision. Marriage can feel a lot like that sometimes. You go in with love, good intentions, and maybe a few expectations you picked up along the way, but without understanding God's design, it's easy to find yourself in moments of miscommunication, frustration, or just thinking, how did we even get here? Well in this week's episode, we're stepping back and looking at marriage the way God designed it from the beginning. Not as something random to figure out as you go, but as something intentional, purposeful, and deeply meaningful. We're talking about roles, unity, and what it really looks like to build a Christ-centered marriage that works in real life, not just on paper. When both husband and wife lean into God's blueprint, even if it feels like learning instructions in another language some days, something powerful starts to happen. Not perfection, but purpose. And trust me, that's where things start to come together. And hopefully for once, without any leftover screws. Welcome to Marriage Life and More. This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies. We interview people sometimes have inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and over standing next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.

Michelle Moore 1:37

Hey, hey.

Daniel Moore 1:38

Thank you guys for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com. Our platforms are there, YouTube and Rumble Links. We're also on the Christian Podcasting app Edifi. And we're also in your Alexa and Google Smart Devices. You can also visit us on social on Facebook, Instagram, and X at CTGaponline . If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or five-star review on Apple Podcast, and we'd be thankful to you for doing that. Well, this week, as we continue our series on marriage as a mission, we're in episode five. And again, if you'd like to get a copy of this book that we're going through right now, it's the first book that we have available here at our ministry. And you can go to our website at marriagelifeandmore.com, pick up a copy of that pretty much anywhere online that you can get books. There's also a six-session study guide available at Amazon. So if you'd like to get a hold of that and go along with us through this series, we'd be thankful to you for doing that, and that'll pour back into our ministry as well. Well, as I said, this week we're going to be starting off episode five in our study here on marriage as a mission. This week we're going to start with part one of Roles with a Purpose.

God’s Design And Shared Surrender

Michelle Moore 3:22

You start confident, halfway through, you're confused, and by the end, you're sitting on something that technically holds weight but looks like it belongs in a modern art museum. And somehow, and I mean somehow, you've got five screws left over and no idea where they come from. Marriage can feel like this sometimes. You go in with love, excitement, and maybe a few Pinterest worthy expectations, but without a clear understanding of God's design, you can end up with miscommunication, frustration, and those how did we even get here moments. Instead of leftover screws, you're dealing with unresolved tension and confused looks across the kitchen. But here's the good news God didn't hand us marriage and say, good luck, figure it out. He gave us a design, intentional, purposeful, and good. From the very beginning, marriage wasn't a man's idea. It was God's. In Genesis 2 24, we see that God Himself established a foundation to becoming one. That means marriage isn't random, accidental, or something you just have to survive. It's something God designed to thrive. It's part of his greater story. And when you start to see your marriage that way, everything shifts. You're not just building a life together, you're stewarding something sacred. Think of a marriage like a duet. Not two people singing the exact same note in unison, but two different parts that come together in harmony. When each person leans into their role, the result is something beautiful, something that reflects Christ and the church. But when it turns into competition, who's right, who's ladder, and who's winning, it stops sounding like worship and starts sounding like noise. And nobody enjoys that, not even the dog. Here's where it gets important. God's design for marriage isn't about one person being more valuable, more important, or more in control. It's about the complementary roles, distinct, intentional, and working together, like peanut butter and jelly or coffee and creamer. And for some of those, creamer, a little bit of coffee. A little bit of coffee. That would be my husband.

Daniel Moore 5:55

Me, yes.

Michelle Moore 5:56

That's the reason why I was like, wait, I got that slipped around again.

Daniel Moore 5:58

Like, I'll have some coffee with my creamer.

Michelle Moore 6:00

That's exactly 100% right. Or if we're being real, one spouse who loads the dishwasher likes a structural engineer, and the other one who treats it like a free-for-all. That would be you and me.

Daniel Moore 6:13

Yep.

Michelle Moore 6:14

Different approaches, but when aligned, it still gets the job done. And that balance, it's not about everything being 50-50 all the time. It's about both people being a hundred percent committed to God's purpose. Some days you carry more and some days they do. But when both hearts are surrendered to Christ, the marriage stays anchored, even when life feels off balance. A strong marriage isn't built on equal effort, it's built on shared surrender. Now, let's be honest. Just because God has a design doesn't mean it's always feels easy to follow. Sometimes it does feel like you're trying to read instructions written in another language or upside down. And after a long day at work with a toddler yelling in the background, that's real lie. But the goal was never about perfection. It's intentionality. It's waking up and choosing, God, how do I live out my role today in a way that honors you and strengthens my marriage? It's remembering that your role isn't just about you, it's about what God is building through you. And when both husband and wife lean into that, something powerful begins to happen.

Daniel Moore 7:34

I want to go back here to that statement that you just made and kind of highlight that for a second. I think that's a very strong statement where it says that a strong marriage isn't built on equal effort, it's built on shared surrender. And, you know, how many times do we see spouses try to outdo each other? It's like, I do all of this and I'm doing that. What are you doing? You know, it's like they there's little snide comments or whatever. And we see that happen quite often in marriages, and it becomes a competition almost to an extent. And it shouldn't be that way, because even if it is off balanced, it's it's all about getting it done when it comes to the end of the day.

Michelle Moore 8:16

And I think that's when the enemy slips in because it is, it's like, oh, he's doing this, or he's not doing this, and I'm doing this, and I'm doing this, because it's so easy to be that way.

Daniel Moore 8:28

Yeah. You know, whenever we have that that shared surrender that that's talking about that, what that looks like is the husband may come in and he may have to do 60% of what needs to be done because for whatever reason the wife couldn't get to it or didn't. But does the husband grumble about that or does he just jump in and do it because he sees something that needs done? You know, they're both you know, building this home together. Right. It's a joint effort. So I think too many times we default to complaining and we default to being aggravated or making smart elec comments to our spouse about things when just get in there and do it. You know, it's like it's gonna balance itself out in the long run somewhere because I'm sure someday the wife's gonna do more than the husband.

Michelle Moore 9:20

Well, and it talks about when I said earlier that some days you carry more and some days I carry more.

Daniel Moore 9:26

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 9:27

But when both our hearts are surrendered, our marriage stays anchored.

Daniel Moore 9:32

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 9:32

Even when life feels off balance, if you think about that, there's gonna be days. If I'm not feeling well, you may do everything.

Daniel Moore 9:39

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 9:40

But then there are days that you may have something going on and I may do everything.

Daniel Moore 9:44

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 9:44

It's about being together and doing what's best.

Daniel Moore 9:48

Yeah. So we have to get this mindset out of our minds that it's got to be equal. That, you know, oh, I've done all of this, so this is my part for the day, I'm done. Now you you you got the rest of it. No, that's not how that works. What it actually is is okay, maybe you did do a lot of it, but later today, if some work comes up and you walk up and see that it needs done, but your spouse isn't right there to be able to take care of it, then jump in and do it. You know, it's like, what's the big deal? But I I just that kind of stuck out to me when you read that because, you know, I do see that a lot. It's like a competition a lot of times between spouses and they get mad at each other because it's like, well, I do everything. You know, you're you just sit around, don't do nothing, or whatever. And that might be the case. I mean, there's I'm not saying there's not some lazy spouses out there, but in the average marriage, the way that things should work, if you see something that needs done, do it. That's you know, that's all there is to it. There's no reason to make this a big competition.

Michelle Moore 10:47

And you know, when that spouse does do it, the other spouse doesn't need to speak up and say, Well, you didn't do that right. Right. Be thankful that that spouse stepped in for you and that's doing it. I mean, I'm sorry, Dan and I are not alike in a lot of ways. He does things differently than I want to do it. But because he chooses to do something for me, I'm just like, heck yeah, thank you so much. I may look at it and be like, I wish he would have done it this way or he would have done that. But you know, in all reality, my heart's grateful. I have a spouse that's actually gonna get in there and do something because he's seen that it needed to be done. I'm not gonna pick on him and I'm not gonna be uh what do they call that?

Daniel Moore 11:28

Um nitpicky.

Michelle Moore 11:30

Yeah, I'm not gonna be nitpicky. I'm not gonna just sit there and just criticize him for you know doing something that he felt like would help me.

Daniel Moore 11:39

Yeah. So go ahead and continue there.

Michelle Moore 11:42

I think I got lost. Okay, hang on a second here. Marriage works best when both people stop asking, what am I getting? and start asking, what am I building? I absolutely love that.

Daniel Moore 11:53

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 11:54

Because what am I getting set that's a prideful thing. It is a very prideful statement.

Daniel Moore 12:00

It can become a a uh foundation of selfishness.

Michelle Moore 12:04

It is, and instead, it's what am I building for my marriage? You know, it's like that's so good. God didn't design marriage just to make you happy, He designed it to make you holy, unified, and impactful. So before we dive into the specifics of roles and responsibilities, take a breath and take heart. You're not wandering through marriage blindly. You're not guessing your way through this. God has already written the blueprint. And when you begin to follow his design on purpose and with a purpose, let me say that again, on purpose and with purpose, you're gonna start to see something extraordinary take shape right in the middle of your ordinary everyday life. Conversations will change, perspectives will shift, and unity

Why Roles Create Harmony

Michelle Moore 12:55

grows. This is where the pieces start coming together. And no, this time there won't be any leftover screws.

Daniel Moore 13:03

We're gonna put it how it is. Biblically, there is a roadmap for what the husband is supposed to be and what the wife is supposed to be. That's what this week's episode gets us into as we get to this point. And again, this might be one of those episodes that maybe steps on your toes a little bit. You know, a lot of times as husbands, it's real easy for us to, as we talked about last week, let that little bit of ego and that little chip on our shoulder, you know, we we we think that we rule the roost and everything that we want should happen and it should take place. The wife should just bow to our every need, but that's not how God designed it. And we're gonna see that as we go through scripture here this week, as we get started into this. And so we're gonna go ahead and jump into it to what God's design is for husbands and wives. And I hope that as we go through this, that all of you listening out there, please take this to heart. Because I see so many marriages get damaged because one spouse feels like they deserve this or they deserve that, or, you know, because they do all of this stuff, then they should be getting all of this stuff. And it leaves the other spouse out in the dark. It leaves them, you know, grasping for straws, trying to figure out, well, where do I belong? You know, where is my part at in this relationship? And it can happen on both sides, where if the the husband or there's wives out there too that are very pushy and very demanding, and so it can come from both sides, but God never intended it to be demanding and pushy like that. He made it flawlessly, effortlessly put into place. He's got a fluid movement for how this is supposed to happen. So when it comes to defining the roles of husbands and wives, the Bible doesn't speak in vague ideas or abstract concepts. It gets right to the point. It speaks with clarity and purpose. God in his wisdom didn't design marriage to be a free-for-all where everyone just figures it out as they go. He designed it as a partnership where both husband and wife are equal in value, but distinct in function. And that's very important because we are all on the same plane. We were all born into this world the same exact way, so we're no different from each other, except for the fact that we're a different gender. But we do have different functions, and God specifically spells that out in the word. You know, think of it as a football team. We've used this analogy before. If everyone insists on being the quarterback, the play falls apart really fast. You can't have a team full of quarterbacks. Somebody's got to snap the ball, somebody's got to block, somebody's got to call the plays. You know, marriage works the same way. God assigns roles not to create imbalance, but to create harmony, something that actually reflects his nature. God's design in marriage isn't

Husbands Lead With Sacrifice

Daniel Moore 15:45

about who's in charge, it's about how love is expressed. That's the whole purpose of the marriage is how we communicate between each other and get things done. So let's start with the husband. In Ephesians 5.23, Scripture says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. And that's not a power trip. That's actually a very long, strong word called responsibility. A lot of a word that I think a lot of husbands sometimes just don't get it. And if we misunderstand that, we can do some serious damage. Being the head doesn't mean ruling the house like a king with a remote control in one hand and opinions in the other. It means leading like Christ leads, with sacrifice, humility, and love. Ephesians 5.25 raises the bar even higher. Husbands are called to love their wives the way Christ loved the church, and the way that Christ gave himself up for her. That's not convenient love. That's not, I'll love you when you agree with me love. That's selfless, servant-hearted love. It's choosing to lead your family spiritually, emotionally, and practically, even when you're tired, even when it's hard, and even when you'd rather just sit on the couch, pretend you didn't hear those three words. Can we talk? There's a lot on husbands. The husbands are the responsible person in the home for the spiritual headship that's spelled out completely in scripture. So anything biblically that happens under a roof of the home, as long as that husband is a spiritual leader in that home, he loves Christ, he follows Christ. It is my responsibility as a husband to make sure that our home is covered in prayer. That's my responsibility. And so when it when you think of it that way, you know, that that's not just a a little small chore. You know, that that's a huge responsibility that we have to take responsibility for.

Michelle Moore 17:43

And I think it's so important as a wife to be praying for your husband, that God leads you and that, you know, you're that he is with him as he makes decisions for the home. And I think that's very important that a wife remembers the responsibility. I mean, there's times that I'll come up to Daniel and I'm like, we've prayed about something. You know, we may be on the same mutual agreement on something. And there's times that we haven't been. And I respect, like, okay, you know, I've told you how I feel. We've prayed about this. But, you know, ultimately you have the decision, you know, because you are the man of the house. And, you know, there's some decisions he's made that's been great, and some decisions not so great. I don't look at the things that he's done wrong. I think, okay, what can we build from this?

Daniel Moore 18:28

Right.

Michelle Moore 18:29

But I do pray for my husband daily. I mean, and as every wife should, you know, because they do hold a lot of responsibility.

Daniel Moore 18:37

Yeah. And one thing that guys do like is respect. And so that's that's a really big one when it comes to the function of the home and how everything's put together. You know, guys do like to know that they have the respect of their spouse, their children, and on down the line. But we have to remember that we have to be careful with that because we can take that respect thing too far. And I've done that before, um, unfortunately. And that's something that I've done. Sometimes that comes from the way we grew up. You know, a lot of times in military homes and uh just homes in general that just had a really, really strict background, there can really be an overbearance on respect and toleration and those kinds of things. But we got to remember that biblical leadership doesn't demand respect. It earns it through sacrifice. So we should be, as husbands and as fathers in our home, we should be wanting to gain that respect from our family through the shown sacrifice that they see us make on a daily basis to make sure that our home is taken care of, is prayed over, um, that we're leading in the best possible way that a godly man can lead a home. And I think that I know, and I think probably I could save, you know, vouch for you that when you see me leading in a biblical way and you see that I'm praying about issues that come up and I'm trying to make the right choices of, you know, thinking this through in a godly way, does that generate more respect for you towards me?

Michelle Moore 20:08

Absolutely. And you know, I think And if you weren't in leading in a biblically way, as I was getting ready to say, what do you suggest to wives out there? If their husbands are not leading in a biblically way, what kind of advice or encouragement can you give them?

Daniel Moore 20:25

Well, unfortunately, that rolls downhill. So if the husband is not in a biblical-minded state where bad things, bad choices are being made because they aren't being prayed over, God's not being kept in that equation, unfortunately that kind of falls on the wife's shoulders at that point to become that spiritual lead. And that doesn't necessarily say that you just take over the home and that you become the king or queen or whatever you want to call it. That's not what I'm saying there, but you do have to take a lead spiritually because somebody in that home needs to be covering that home in prayer. That's good. Somebody needs to be bombarding the gates of heaven, and that's when you pray for your husband. Yes. Say, God, you know, you know where my husband's heart's at. I don't feel like it's in the right place right now, but you know for sure, would you please convict his heart before you? You know, change him from the inside out. Help me to be that person that might instigate a change in him just because of the love I show for me, you know, flowing out of me from you. Uh, you know, there's a a good way to do that in love. And I think if we do that kind of thing, that changes the atmosphere. And you might be surprised, you know, I I think I'm sure husbands have been changed before and have changed their lives because of the life they saw their their wife leading. Yeah. And so there's there's a lot of, you know, wives have a lot of pull when it comes to that kind of thing and a lot of influence. So just because the husband's failed and isn't stepping up to the bar like he should be as a Christian. Spouse and the leader of the home doesn't mean we just forget it all. Right. Somebody has to step up and take that place and just pray that God will change that around to be in the right order eventually. So, so as husbands, it's our job to have the spiritual lead, the spiritual head over the home. I'm still the same as you, Michelle. I'm still equal to you. There's nothing about me that's any better than you are. We both make joy choices together. We both make decisions together. We both pray together. Everything that we do needs to be on the same page. Yeah. We have a mutual respect for each other, for each other, each other's roles of where we're at. And that's how God wants us to be as husbands. So now it's your turn. What about the the

Wives Submit Without Losing Voice

Daniel Moore 22:55

wives there? What does the Bible say about that?

Michelle Moore 22:59

Now, wives, before this starts sounding one-sided, your role carries just as much weight and just as much power. Ephesians 5 22 says, Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. And let's be honest, the word submit can make people uncomfortable. But biblical submission is often misunderstood. Submission is not about silence, weakness, or losing your voice. It's about the willingly to come alongside your husband's leadership out of trust in God's design. It's not I have no say, it's I choose unity over control. It's a posture of the heart, not a loss of identity. Think of it like a dance. One leads, one follows. But both are fully engaged, both are moving, and both are necessary. And if either person decides to do their own thing, well, somebody's getting their toes stuffed on. And in marriage, that usually turns into a conversation later that starts with, that's not what I meant.

Daniel Moore 24:06

So when we look at submission, because the scripture obviously pulls that distinct thing out for the wife, what because I feel like, you know, you and I, because of the way that we run our home, we I feel like we both have the same power. Okay. So we we are both leaders in our home and we we lead on the same level. So we keeping that in mind, what does submission look like to you towards me, knowing that we are on the same level as far as power in the home and how we run the home, and what does that submission mean to you? What does that look like? I guess I should say.

Michelle Moore 24:45

Well, it's kind of the way I look at it is I would submit to my father. Like I'm openly letting him do his will with me. And through our marriage, I'm not saying I'm letting you openly do whatever, but we're both on the same page. We both are willing to do whatever. And we are both willing to do whatever it is the Lord has for us because we know that's what we're our marriage is for. So to me, submission is not just saying, Daniel, do whatever you want. We both have the best interests at heart and I love you, you love me. And so I'm willing to come under submission of just pretty much doing it.

Daniel Moore 25:40

Um yeah, it's I understand what you're saying because in essence, bec even though we have the same power to make the choices and decisions, there are times when uh it probably does fall on me to make the final say, you know. And you're willing to submit to that because it's maybe it's not a right or a wrong answer necessarily. It's just we've discussed it, we've talked it through, we know where each other stand, we're pretty much on the same page, but you're like, okay, you know, either way, this could be, you know, fine, probably no matter which way we go. But you know, you're the head of the home and the leadership in this home, so I'm gonna let you decide which direction. So I think that's a good picture of submission.

Michelle Moore 26:20

But I also think that with both of us being 50-50, of we both, okay, we know where that, that's both of us bringing everything together. Right.

Daniel Moore 26:29

And we don't do that.

Michelle Moore 26:30

And me not just saying, okay, Dan, do whatever you want. It's it's both of us bringing our talents and our gifts together.

Daniel Moore 26:37

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 26:37

In our marriage, because yes, I think you have talents and gifts in your marriage that can be utilized for each other as well.

Daniel Moore 26:46

And the submission part can't take place without discussion.

Michelle Moore 26:49

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 26:49

You know, we discuss what we're gonna do. I mean, that whatever situation arises, we both talk through that. But it comes to a point where there has to be a decision made sooner or later, and somebody's got to make that decision. And so sometimes that does fall on you. Sometimes I'll let you make that choice and I'll let you make that decision. But there's sometimes that you, as the leader of the home, you allow me to do that.

Michelle Moore 27:12

What happens when our son says that you let me do whatever I want?

Daniel Moore 27:16

Our son don't know what he's talking about. He's got a lot of growing up to do. He's not even married yet.

Michelle Moore 27:21

No, but my mom sometimes will say the thing. She's like, Oh, Dan loves you so much, he'll just let you. And I'm like, Oh, you have no idea. Like, but you know, I also am smart enough to know, you know, what it is if if I feel like, oh, he's kind of eh, 50-50 there. I mean, I can sway him in one way or the other, but I always try to do like, okay, God, what is it that you want me to do? Yeah. But I think a lot of our decisions too are based on, you know, not just necessarily worldly things, but hey, if we need to purchase something or anything like that, I have to go back. Okay, how does it affect our family?

Daniel Moore 27:58

Yeah. You know, I do trust you. Yeah because if it's something where I don't really feel like it's necessarily just a choice I have to make by myself, then I'm willing to I'm okay to let you make the decision on it.

Michelle Moore 28:10

And when he does that, he knows what I'm gonna choose because I can't blame him for something that went wrong.

Daniel Moore 28:15

It's not my fault.

Michelle Moore 28:16

Because he goes, Oh, well, you know where we're at. And it's like, I know what that means.

Daniel Moore 28:21

Yeah. Is it reading between the lines that that's called?

Michelle Moore 28:25

So after all these years, it's like, I know better than that. And that doesn't happen very often because we just don't really, you know, purchase big item things or just little things. But, you know, we both have the same vision and we both know what it is for the most part that God has before us and what we need to do. And it's not necessarily going out and just buying everything, you know, um, but or just, you know, being ourselves, even in ministry. We have to, you know, step back in some areas because you can work yourself to death during the week with work and then you're doing ministry things on the side, it can become overwhelming and it depletes you. So you have to work together and submit to each other to say, I mean, he's even told me on the podcast, you know, you come here, if if you're this is getting to be too much for you, let me know. And you know, to me, I'm like, you know what? That is truly we know how much this means to not just us because we know that's what God has wanting us to do, but he also thinks about me as his wife, how it affects me to constantly be doing stuff like this and what it takes out of me. And so to me, he's not only submitting what God wants him to do, but he's also submitting to me as the fact that he doesn't want to over um he doesn't want me to do go through some of the things that I have in the past of being overwhelmed and stuff.

Daniel Moore 29:53

Yeah. And there's a few more things there about submission if you want to share those with us also.

Michelle Moore 29:58

Submission isn't about shrinking

Submission Never Means Abuse

Michelle Moore 30:00

back, it's about strength and unity. And let's be clear: biblical submission never means tolerating abuse, manipulation, or control. God's design always operates within love, safety, and mutual respect. Colossians 3.19 even warns husbands directly. Do not be harsh with them. This tells us something important. God's design protects both roles. Because at the core of it all, there is a complete equality in value. Galatians 3.28 reminds us that in Christ we are one. First Peter 3.7 calls husbands and wives co-ires of grace of life. That means you're not uh that means you're not competitors, you're partners, you're not on opposite teams, you're building the same life.

Daniel Moore 30:47

And I wanted to have you finish that because we don't want people to think that when you submit that you're okay with being abused, manipulated, controlled. Oh, absolutely not. That's not submission. No, that's cruelty, is what that is. And there's no place for that whatsoever in a marriage relationship. Uh, there's no time, any time that it's okay to manipulate, control, and abuse somebody. Absolutely. And that includes verbal abuse. That's not just talking about physical, that's any type of abuse that you can throw towards your spouse. It's that's not God does not tolerate any of that.

Michelle Moore 31:20

That's good.

Daniel Moore 31:21

Um, that has nothing to do with submission.

Michelle Moore 31:23

And that's biblical.

Daniel Moore 31:25

It's very biblical. And so we just wanted to make sure that we were very clear on that because you know, this submission thing is actually a joke. Um, a lot of times between spouses, you'll you'll hear the husband make a joke to the wife. Well, you're supposed to submit to me because the Bible says to you. You know, they that's just lighthearted bantering and that kind of thing. But there are some people, though, that actually use this scripture and wield it like a sword, and they try to manipulate their spouses with it. And that's just not what the intention of this is. So, you know, different roles don't mean different worth, they just mean different assignments on the same mission. You and I have the same mission, and we have two different ways of getting there. That's just that's what this is all about. And when those roles are lived out the way God intended, the impact is real. So a husband who leads with love and a wife who responds with respect creates an environment where

Spiritual Warfare Against Division

Daniel Moore 32:15

peace can grow, where kids feel secure, where faith is lived out daily, not just talked about on Sundays. Marriage isn't just about the two of us, it's shaping everything around us. But here's where it gets deeper and a little more serious. It's no surprise that the enemy hates this design. From the very beginning, Satan's been working to distort what God created in Genesis 3. We seem step into the first marriage, not just to tempt Eve, but to disrupt the order, the unity and the trust that God had established. And once that happened, what happened afterwards? Shame entered, blame followed, and that unity that was between Adam and Eve fractured. And if we're all honest, we've all seen that same pattern play out in our own homes at times and in other people's lives around us. A small disagreement turns into a bigger argument, miscommunication turns into an assumption, assumptions turn into distance, and before you know it, you're not even fighting about the original issue anymore. You're just trying to win the fight. And that's not accidental, that's strategic. Because if the enemy can divide a marriage, he can weaken a generation. And I think that's so important. A lot of times you and I, if we get into an argument or a fight in the past, it's all it's like we thought we were fighting against ourselves, against each other. Yeah. And I think sometimes spouses may look at it that way, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe there's a third party involved in this conflict, this fighting?

Michelle Moore 33:40

I do now. You better believe it. I and even when we have our um when we're talking to someone about their marriage, I'm like, the enemy is at work.

Daniel Moore 33:49

Yep.

Michelle Moore 33:49

And it's sometimes that is very he's very good at what he does.

Daniel Moore 33:54

Yep. And the key to that is what it says in that line right there. He can weaken a generation. Yep. If he can take the mom and dad out, then that affects the kids. That affects the home. That affects the grandkids. That affects everything that happens after that. And Satan knows it because the family's the front line of spiritual formation. In Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7, it calls us to teach God's truth in the home in everyday life and normal conversations in the middle of routines. Strong marriages build strong families, and strong families impact communities, churches, and beyond. So it's no wonder that Satan targets marriage so aggressively. He'll attack your communication, he'll twist your expectations, he'll magnify differences, he'll whisper lies like you deserve better, or they'll never change, or this isn't worth it. But the truth is you're not fighting your spouse, you're fighting for your marriage. Yes. And the good news, the enemy doesn't get the final word. James 4 7 reminds us if we submit ourselves therefore to God, resist the devil, what does he have to do?

Michelle Moore 34:58

Flee from you.

Daniel Moore 34:59

That's right. He can't stay around anymore.

Michelle Moore 35:01

That's right.

Daniel Moore 35:02

So that means when your marriage is rooted in Christ, it's not just surviving, it's actually equipped. I love that. We've got equipped, we've got weapons of our warfare. We've got battle armor. You know, we've got, and we're going to get into that eventually in this series. We have a section on spiritual warfare in our family, and we go through putting the armor of God on as protection in our daily marriages. We have all of that access to all of that stuff. And 2 Corinthians 10, 4, and 5 tells us we've been given spiritual weapons with divine power to tear down strongholds. So when division tries to creep in, you don't just react, you can actually stand firm when that happens. And I think that if we keep it on our radar that Satan's whole goal is to take us out. And, you know, you and I, we sometimes even battle harder now because we have ministry than probably than we even did before we had ministry because Satan doesn't like what we're doing. And we're trying to build marriages, we're trying to help save marriages, we're trying to keep marriages focused on what God's expectations are in a marriage, and Satan doesn't like that. And so he'll do whatever he can to try to take us out, make us feel exhausted, make us feel like we're not doing any good. You know, he'll put all those kinds of thoughts and those kinds of things in our mind. But we know better. Yeah. Because we're here, we talked about this, I think it was last week, if I remember right. We're victorious. You know, we come into this already a winner. We we have already won this battle because Christ has won it for us. It's up to us to stand that ground and stand firm and fight against him and not let him have a foothold in anything that we do. And so I think if we can say anything about this part of this episode this week, is keep in mind when you're having issues between you and your spouse, um, it's not just the two of you. Keep in mind that there's probably something else kind of stirring in the background, the atmosphere that you're not seeing, and Satan's sitting there just stirring that pot. And so don't just go praying against whatever's going on in your marriage, pray against Satan.

Michelle Moore 37:09

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 37:10

Pray against the demonic forces that are coming up against you, bind them in Jesus' name. And God will do that for you. And I think if you do that, you'll start seeing a freedom take place in your marriages like you've never seen before. And so um, we just gotta keep in mind that everything that happens rolls downhill into our kids and our grandkids and onto the next generation. So somebody has to stop that. Yeah, and that's us. So once

Purpose Over Perfection

Daniel Moore 37:35

you go ahead and uh share that next section with us there.

Michelle Moore 37:39

Yeah, God's blueprint for marriage isn't restrictive, it's redemptive. So whether you're the one fixing the sink or the one fixing the conversation afterward, whether you lead more naturally or support more instinctively, your role matters. And when both husband and wife walk in humility, grace, and a little bit of humor, because let's be honest, you're going to need it. You begin to see something beautiful take shape. Not a perfect marriage, but a purposeful one. And that's exactly what God designed it to be.

Daniel Moore 38:16

And in order for it to be that, we have to take our roles seriously.

Michelle Moore 38:20

Yes.

Daniel Moore 38:20

We have to stand firm in what God has called us to. A Christ-centered marriage isn't powerless, it's positioned for victory. We have to remember that, that when Christ is in the middle of that, um, there's no way that we can lose. Romans 8.37 says that we're more than conquerors through him who loved us. And that includes in our marriage not because we'll do everything perfectly, but because God's grace fills those gaps where we fall short. You know, we're going to make mistakes. We're going to do things sometimes that's going to cause issues and create problems. But if we keep Christ first and all of that, he can fill those voids with his mercy and his grace and his love. And then we sit there and we can watch that whole tapestry just start to mend. Yeah. And everything come right back together. And it creates something beautiful in the end if we allow ourselves to learn from those moments and grow in those. So, you know, the enemy's going to push against God's design. He's going to mock it, he's going to distort it, he's going to try to replace it. But a marriage built on Jesus, one that leans into his design, his truth, and his grace, it's not easily shaken. And so I think if we keep that in mind, then we can have a great marriage and keep our roles where they need to be. Anything to add to this week's episode?

Michelle Moore 39:35

It's good.

Resources And Weekly Challenge

Daniel Moore 39:48

Well, as we leave this week with part one here of the roles in marriage, just want to remind you, visit our website at marriagelife.com. And there you can check out everything about our ministry, contact us, purchase our books, find all the platforms that we're on. There's resources there for different things. And we also do Simbus, which is premarital counseling as well. And you can find any information about that on the website also. And so again, you can check that out at marriagelifeandmore.com. Like and share these episodes to someone that might need to hear these. And uh we just pray God's blessings over you as you visit with us each week here, as we share with you here on Marriage Life and More. Well, as we wrap up this week's episode, here's the heart of it. Marriage was never meant to be something that you just survive, it's something God designed for you to build with Him. And yes, some days it's going to feel smooth and in sync, and other days it might feel like you're both holding different instruction manuals and neither one of them is in English. But you know what? That's real life. Even in those moments, God's design hasn't changed and his grace hasn't run out. So as you go on into this next week, don't focus on getting everything perfect. Focus on being intentional. Choose to love when it's inconvenient. Choose to listen when it would be easier to defend. Choose to build, not just react. A strong Christ-centered marriage isn't made in big dramatic moments. It's formed in the small daily decisions to honor God and each other. And one more thing to remember you're not fighting your spouse, you're fighting for your marriage. Keep leaning into God's design, keep showing up with humility and grace, and trust that He is shaping something beautiful in your everyday life. Now, Michelle and I we're both rooting for you. And next week we'll catch you on the next episode here on marriage life and more. That's all for this week. And as we go, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries. We pray that you have a blessed week.